Summer

Chapter 31

When we leave the bowling alley, Noah suggests grabbing a bite to eat at some pool hall right around the corner. We grab an empty booth, and Noah ends up over-ordering five different types of fried foods.

"Promise me you won't let Cecilia get to you," Noah says, catching me off guard as I'm mid-bite.

I can't help but chuckle. "I've dealt with worse."

"Worse?" he asks as he crosses his arms and leans his back against the chair. "Whose ass do I have to kick?" When I chuckle for a second time, Noah squints his eyes at me. "There's something you're not telling me, which reminds me...you owe me a secret."

"I was hoping you forgot about that."

"Memory of steel," he points to his head and says. "Now tell me something. Anything."

"What do you want to know?" I ask, dropping the French fry that's in my hand and reaching for the cup of soda instead.

"I don't know," he pauses, chewing on his lower lip. "Tell me about your family."

"My family?" I freeze. I really don't want to go there.

"Yeah. What was it like growing up in Greenwich?"

"Uh, it was fine," I lie, looking down at the table. I don't have to make eye contact with Noah to know that he's not satisfied with my answer.

"Hey." He reaches for my hand, locking his gaze on mine. "You can tell me."

I bring my eyes back up to him. "Fine, but no judging."

He lifts his finger out to pinky-promise me, and I wrap mine around his.

"I'm not one to judge, remember?" he says.

I smirk at him and start to think. "Something you don't know, huh?" I take a deep sigh before going with the first memory that comes to mind.

Here goes nothing.

"When I was 10, my driver would pick me up from private school, and on our way home, we'd pass by this playground crowded with kids my age. They looked so happy running through the sprinklers and swaying on the swing set. I'd stare out my window with this sense of envy, desperately craving that kind of freedom for myself. I wanted to hang out with my friends after school and ride my bike to town or go sledding down the hill when it snowed — you know, do things that weren't representations of what money could get you. Instead, it was golf with mom and dad at the country club and violin practice even though I hated the violin, but mom thought it was elegant. It might sound dramatic, but I'd cry myself to sleep at night, wishing my life were different. I was so mad at myself for that. Instead of feeling grateful for my privileges, I was moping around. I tried talking to my brothers about it, but Liam was too busy being a teenager and Jacob was too young to understand. Half the time, I didn't even understand what I was feeling. Here's a girl who has so much yet feels like she has nothing. I tried bringing it up to my mom one time, but that was a fail. She told me I was being ridiculous. My dad was always working, and my friends loved their luxurious lives too much to understand, so I really had no one. It's funny...physically, my house was full. But, emotionally, I had never felt so alone in my life."

"Finally, when I was 14, I decided that it was time to call my own shots. I'd sneak out of the house to take creative writing classes; I'd lie and go to parties that I wasn't allowed to go to. I was happy but I was also being dishonest, which didn't make me so happy. My parents still controlled who I was friends with, the guys I dated, the colleges that I applied to. I guess that's what happens when mom and dad convince themselves that they have your best interests at heart, when really, it's their own that they do."

"It's one thing for strangers to expect you to act a certain way because of who you are, but it's another thing when you're encouraged to act that way by the people who are supposed to care about you the most. I love my family. And, my brothers? I'd do anything for them. But being held to certain expectations...being controlled to the point where you feel suffocated...it's not easy. It's really tough, actually."

I pause as a feeling of vulnerability consumes me. I look to Noah for his reaction, and hope that I didn't just scare him off. But, instead, his expression appears sympathetic, which relaxes me.

"You probably think I'm some spoiled rich kid ignorant of the privileges thrown her way, huh?"

"No," Noah shakes his head and says, "not at all. I see a bright, beautiful girl who's strong enough to know that there's more to this world than just money and status. That behind the mansions, the clothes, the cars...there's love, ambition, passion, struggle."

He dips his head down so that it's leveled with mine and I bring my eyes up from the table to meet his gaze. "I see a girl who's unafraid to wash away stereotypes, a girl who's driven to break free from the life that she was born into in order to achieve her own happiness. I see a girl who makes me want to be better."

I can't help but smile. I don't know how he does it, but Noah makes me feel proud to want the things that I'm told I shouldn't. Instead of judging me, he encourages me; drives me.

"Can I ask you something?" He leans into me and says. "Can I kiss you?"

I want to scream yes but I find myself holding back. A) because I don't want to get hurt again and B) because I know that there will be unavoidable repercussions. I have to ask myself: Is Noah worth the consequences to come?

Seconds pass and I answer my own question by nodding my head at him, leaning my body inwards, and giving his lips permission to meet mine.