Summer

Chapter 38

I remember Noah telling me that he doesn't work on Tuesday's, so I call Justin for Noah's home address. It takes begging and pleading on my part to get it, but Justin eventually caves. "I'm only doing this because I like you two together," was his reasoning.

When I told my brothers that I was sleeping at Cassie's tonight, I was relieved that they didn't ask any questions. And, like the life-saver that she is, Cassie let me borrow her Range Rover to take to Noah's house. The last thing that I needed to do was let Howard in on where I was going. I would've snuck out the Mercedes like last time, but I couldn't get past Liam. He was in the kitchen working on some proposal for dad.

I drive onto a muddy road that leads to a small, washed-out white-wooded house, and the GPS notifies me that I've arrived at my destination. Noah must be here because his black pick-up truck is parked in front next to a tire swing and a pink bicycle. I didn't expect to be this nervous, but my palms are sweating and I'm starting to lose my train of thought. I look into my rear-view mirror and gather myself, releasing a deep breath before making my way out of the car.

I walk up the disheveled brick steps that lead to a screen door. The doorbell is broken, so I decide to knock a few times before someone shouts, "be right there."

It's Noah.

He slips on a white t-shirt over his bare torso as he makes his way towards me; the only thing that separates us is the dingy screen door. I wish he didn't have to look so damn good in baby blue jeans that hang low on his hips.

Given the look on his face right now, it's clear that he wasn't expecting to see me. He pushes the door open, but doesn't say anything. So, I go first.

"Hi," I say.

"Hi," he says back; his expression uneasy.

"I got your address from Justin," I tell him before he can beat me to the punch and ask how I found him.

"I swear that kid's asking for a beating," he lightly jokes, even though there's sadness to his tone.

"Can we talk?" I ask him, and he pauses for a few seconds, turning around to look inside.

"Yeah," he says once he faces me again. He pushes the door out and holds it against the wall with his arm so that I can walk in.

Noah's house is quiet and empty. He brings me into the living room, which solely consists of a faux leather couch, some picture frames, a floor lamp and an old school TV. He motions me to the couch and waits for me to sit first before taking the side next to me.

"What do you want to talk about?" he asks as he intertwines his fingers and rests his arms down on his thighs.

Our knees are turned to each other so that we're face-to-face. Looking into his rich blue eyes, I know that I need to pour my heart out right now.

I take a massive gulp before proceeding. "I'm sorry, Noah. I'm sorry for pushing you away the other night. I'm sorry for not listening to my heart and allowing other people to get in the way of how I really feel. I have a habit of doing that actually. Instead of appreciating what's in front of me, I distance myself from it. You see, Noah, you scare me. When I'm around you, I feel things that I've never felt before. And I don't like the unknown. In fact, I hate it. It freaks me out."

"And then when I heard that you don't do relationships, it just added to that fear. And instead of controlling my fear, I let it control me. But I want to change that. I know what I want. I always did. And that's to be with you."

My lips tremble as I look to Noah for a reaction. He lets out a deep breath before taking my hand and placing it over his lap. He looks down at our now laced fingers and then back up at me.

"I never told you this," he begins, "but that day in Val's — you know, the day where I walked in and you were sitting with your brothers — I saw you. I saw you looking at me. I was looking right back at you. It might not have seemed that way, but I was. I saw the way you nervously grazed your hair when you looked away from me. I saw the way you spilled ketchup on your shirt after dipping your grilled cheese in it. And I saw the way you shuffled with your bracelet before getting up to leave. And then when we bumped into each other that day on the beach, I felt it. I felt this inexplainable physical connection that I had never felt with someone before. And I didn't like that I felt so strongly towards you when I didn't even know you."

"After our little confrontation that night, I went home and was so mad at myself for speaking to you the way that I did. I hated that our first conversation was so shitty. I knew that I had to make up for it, so I invited you to Justin's, but I didn't want you to know that I was interested because I was scared that if you had the upper-hand, you'd break me into pieces. We both know how my ego can be."

"Then when you saw me get into all those fucked up fights, I felt extra weak. Like I wasn't good enough. How could someone as good and as pure as you ever want to be with someone as volatile as me? But the more we kept speaking to each other, the more I knew that I had to spend time with you. I had to see if what I was feeling was solely physical or if it was deeper than that. And that night that I brought you to the warehouse and opened up to you, I knew you had my heart. I know it might sound stupid, but I was scared, too. I still am."

"I guess the whole point of me telling you this is that I get it. I get that you're afraid, Fee. So am I. I see how smart and humble and caring you are, and I know that I'm not good enough for you. It took me days and days of convincing myself that I owe it to you to try. I need to try and be good enough for you because you're worth it. Being with you is worth it."

Noah smiles at me and I have the urge to take him in my arms. I want to console him. I want him to know how much I care for him. I want him to know that we can both be afraid together. But more importantly, I want him to know that he is good enough for me. So, without hesitation, I inch even closer to him and press my lips to his.

In this moment, he's everything to me and I want him to feel that. He cups my face with both his hands and deepens the kiss by opening his mouth further. His tongue laps mine and if I don't pull back soon, I know that I'm going to lose control.

But I want to.

My hands wander through his hair as he pushes his chest against mine, making my back fall onto the couch so that my body is now laying down. Noah gently situates himself on top of me, and he moves his hands from my face to my hair, tucking a loose strand behind my ear as he continues to kiss me. Then, all of a sudden, a voice calls out:

"Ahem."

Noah and I look at each other before pulling back and turning our heads at the same time. Standing before us is a young, curly blonde-haired girl wearing a light-yellow dress. She's looking at us with her arms crossed and one eyebrow cocked.

Noah lifts himself off me and lends me his hand before helping me up.

"Uh, Sophia," he says once we're both at a stand. "This is my sister. Maggie."