Summer

Chapter 56

I update the destination on the Uber app to Noah's house. And it's not until we pull into the driveway that I contemplate if I made the right choice in coming here.

"Here you are," the driver says as he puts the car in park.

I take in Noah's house, feeling somewhat weird because I didn't think I'd ever see it again.

I reach for the door handle and notice my hands shake out of nervousness. But I won't doubt my choice. There's no turning back.

It's close to 2 am, but I notice that Noah's room light is turned on. I came here with the assumption that I'd probably have to wake him up, so I'm slightly relieved that I won't have to. I don't know what I'm going to say to him when I see him. If he lets me see him, that is.

When I get to the door, I try to think about the best way to let Noah know that I'm here. Maggie is definitely sleeping so I'm not going to knock. I try calling him, but he doesn't pick up, and I really hope that it's because his phone is on silent and not because he's choosing to ignore me.

I never thought I'd be that girl throwing pebbles at a guy's window, but Noah leaves me no choice. I grab a few from his driveway and chuck hard at the windowpane until he finally comes into view.

I mean, did he have to come to the window without a shirt on?

I gesture at him to open the front door, and he waits a little while before moving away from the window.

A minute later, the hallway light goes off and Noah approaches. He slips his shirt over his bare torso as he makes his way to me.

"Hi," I say as my eyes meet his.

"Hi," is all he responds.

"I know that it's late, but we need to talk." The determination in my eyes lets him know that I'm not giving up until he tells me to.

He walks through the screen door and meets my stance outside. He licks his lips, clearly thinking about whether or not he wants to hear me out.

"Follow me," he finally says, and leads me to the backyard. Much to my dismay, though, he doesn't take my hand.

Noah's backyard is exactly how he described it — the view of the water is like no other. Even though it's dark outside, I can see it glisten. Something about it brings a sense of peace to this entire situation.

I follow him to the swing-set that's stationed in front of the water. We slowly swing for a little bit, taking in the night's silence, before he stops and faces me.

"So, you going to tell my why you're here?" he asks.

I bring my swing to a halt and look at him. Taking a deep breath in, I nod and convince myself that I can do this; I can pour my heart out. If Noah wants to push me away afterwards, then that's on him. But in this moment, I owe it to myself to be honest.

"You ever think about happiness? Like, what it truly means to be happy?" I'm not looking for him to answer, so I continue. "I do. All the time. Even when I'm happy, I'm thinking about whether or not I'm happy, and I guess, in a way, that's a subconscious answer to my question. I mean, you shouldn't have to think about feeling something; the feeling should exist on its own."

"Before I got here, I thought that I was satisfied with my life. I mean, why shouldn't I be? On paper, I have everything — family, friends, opportunities. But with that comes the pressure of feeling like you have to appease everyone all the time. Instead of putting myself first, I was doing things for others because I thought that their happiness in me would get me to be happy with myself."

"It wasn't until I met you that my whole perspective changed. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't stand you at first. I mean, I was definitely infatuated, but the real emotions came when I got to know you. Those moments that we spent together were real and raw, but it wasn't only that. Being with you made me feel something I didn't know I could feel. It was past the point of physical. It was like this — well, this thing — that I knew was meant to be there. I felt like I met someone who was supposed to be in my life, and instead of embracing it, I ran away from it."

"But I'm tired. I'm tired of running. I know what I want. I've always known. And what I want is to be with you. I guess I just need you to know it now."

My heart pounds as I look to Noah for his reaction. I can't tell what he's feeling inside. He's definitely thinking about something, I can see it in his eyes. But in terms of emotion, I'm clueless.

Moments later, he tugs at the edge of my swing and brings it closer to his. He smiles as our knees touch, then cups my chin and brings my face in. He doesn't say anything, but parts his lips slightly and places them gently on mine. Just the touch of his lips alone makes me want to lose control, and I immediately rise from my swing and make my way to him. I place my thighs on his lap, and he runs his fingers through my hair as we continue to kiss.

He pulls back and looks at me fondly before saying, "Come with me."

Still holding hands, Noah leads me into his room. He lets go, but only to close the door gently. He reaches for my hand again and brings me to his bed, where I lie down willingly.

I crave him desperately. The look in his eyes tells me that he feels the same way about me.

He lays down on the bed, but positions his body in between mine, and uses his elbows to hold himself up before planting a single, soft kiss to my lips, working his way down.

My fingers grasp the sheets as I try my hardest to hold still, but the sensation is too powerful.