She'll never know... (girlxgirl)

Chapter 16

Me and Lizzie haven't talked in days. I'm laying in my bed remembering that day on the cliff. Our first real fight. For something stupid. And the worst part is I'm afraid to apologize. I'm afraid if I tried to she'd break up with me. I couldn't live with that. But I can't go another day without talking to her.

To make things worse my parents decided to come back today. They should be here any minute now. I don't want to face them but I don't want to leave my room. I've been crying for days and I'm not the type to cry in front of people. I haven't gone to school all week. I don't have the energy.

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After my parents had come and Becky left my parents yelled at me for hours (as always) for everything and nothing. After that nightmare my father decided the best way to get me back for the haircut was to beat the shit out of me. By the time he was done I couldn't move and there was blood coming out of my mouth and nose. My stomach hurt like crazy and my thighs were bruised with wire marks (my dad found it entertaining to beat me with his computer charger cable). I had stayed in that position for an hour before I had the strength to move to my bedroom. At some point during the hour my mother had seen me and started snickering, saying that I deserved what I got. The first thing I did when I got to my room was lock the door and call Becky. She's probably the only person who had seen me cry since I was 10. Other than Lizzie on the night of the dinner last time my parents were in town. I told her what he did and she told me she'd come pick me up, since my father had taken my car and I was in no condition to drive. Aunt Becky got there 15 minutes later and packed an overnight bag from me. She left a note on the kitchen counter telling my dad that she wanted to see me and that I'd be sleeping over at her house. After we got there she took care of me like she always would. She also tried to take me to the hospital and call the police (she tries every time) and I wouldn't let her. He's never hurt my sisters and unless he does, I won't say anything. I also told her about Lizzie and our fight and I cried myself to sleep that night, for the first time in a long time.

I spent the rest of the week with Becky. She called the school telling them that I'd be out sick all week. I barely ate, slept, or did anything really. I only stayed with Becky two days. It was Saturday when I left. The pain in my ribs was beginning to dim, but the scars only got worse. They were purple by now. I decided I was going to apologize to Lizzie today. I can't live without her. Becky told me that my parents had left town again last night and that I could go back. I decided I'd go to the mall. I took a shower and put on a white t-shirt with black jeans and my blue vans. I went to the mall and got an apology gift for Lizzie. I was leaving the mall when I saw her, holding hands with some guy, laughing like he just said the funniest thing in the world. My heart shattered into a million pieces. For a second our eyes met and she gave me a weak smile but by then I had run out the door and into my car (which I managed to take because the keys were in the living room). I went back home and did something I hadn't done in almost a year. I let the razor blade cut through my skin. Over and over again. I cried and cried like a child. I can't believe she's over me that fast. We didn't even break up. I decided I'd go out with Jesse. She always knew how to make me feel better. I texted her to meet me at the diner in 20 minutes. I put on a black long-sleeved sweatshirt and pulled out my old bracelets. I covered my arms with them and put on my black vans. I stared at the bag on my bed. It was a simple charm bracelet. It had only two charms. One said "I'm sorry" and the other had a heart. I figured I'd get her a new charm every little while. I guess I shouldn't have wasted my money on it. I left for the diner.

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Jesse didn't exactly help me. I got a lecture about missing school and not eating or sleeping. She kept saying that I looked like shit and freaking out about me disappearing like that. After I got away from her I went back home, not in the mood to deal with anyone.