She'll never know... (girlxgirl)

Chapter 11

It's 2 am. Why can't I sleep? I can't stop thinking about her. The date was perfect.

But I can't help but think she doesn't actually like me. That this is some kind of game to her. A couple weeks ago she was disgusted at the idea of me being gay. The thought of me possibly liking girls was incomprehensible. I need to clear things up.

S: Are you awake?

I need to call her. Shes probably asleep. I continued to think, unable to sleep for another few hours. I finally fell asleep around 5. My alarm went off at 6. I have to be at school at 8 for an extra curricular class, but I kind of felt like going for a walk today. I took a shower and had breakfast. I grabbed my keys and backpack and headed to the car. I don't feel like walking anymore. I threw my bag to the back seat and drove to the park. I grabbed the basketball from the trunk and locked my car. I went to the field and just practiced for an hour. I got to school 15 minutes early, so I decided to light a cigarette. Jesse came up to me.

"Really? This early?" She said glaring at the cigarette.

"Piss off"

"How was the date? I'm going to guess it was pretty bad considering the random anger issues"

"Funny. It was great actually so suck a dick"

"Maybe I will. I got second period free"

"Whore" we burst out laughing at that. It was a joke. She's not a whore. She just acts like one to piss me off.

I finished the cigarette and we went into the school. I took photography and she was in art. We headed our separate ways. I'm glad she didn't ask about the date. At least she knows her limits, that's what I love about her. She knows me. And knows when to ask and when to shut up.

My photography class is going on a trip this weekend. We were going to some field for a picnic or barbecue or something, a place about 30 minutes out of town.

After they stopped telling us about things we'd do this month, I left. I needed to get out of that room. I went to the parking lot and lit another cigarette, leaning on my car. I usually never smoke that many in a short period of time, unless something was on my mind. I guess Jess figured it out because she came out knowing I'd be here. She didn't comment on me smoking, knowing that if she did I'd probably punch her.

"So you want to talk about it?" She knows me way too well.

"Later. I want to try and figure it out first."

"Ok. Lunch it is then" I nodded and she left me alone. Perfect because I really wasn't in the mood. I put my headphones in and blasted the music. About 10 minutes later someone tapped my shoulder. I pulled one headphone and turned to see it was Lizzie.

"What game are you playing here? Was it a bet or something? Why are you doing this to me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Why did you agree to go out with me?"

"Because I like you."

"Bullshit. You didn't believe in same sex relationships last time I checked."

"Where did you get that from?"

"Remember a couple weeks ago when you asked if I was straight. You said it would be weird if I wasn't."

"I didn't even mean it. I was joking. My cousin, who is one of my best friends, is gay. You thought I was serious?" Well I'm the biggest asshole alive.

"Oh. Yeah. I'm sorry. I remembered that last night and I guess I just thought you were serious."

"I do like you.A lot. Don't ever doubt it." She kissed my cheek and opened the door.

"To prove it, I'm taking you out tonight." And she left. Wait. Tonight? Shit. Basketball tryouts are tonight. And I have a family dinner thing. I'll talk to her later.

I headed to my class feeling much better. The classes went by pretty quickly and soon it was lunch. Jesse made me tell her what happened, even after I told her it was a misunderstanding. I decided to talk to Lizzie after Jesse finished interrogating me. I went to her table and said hi to the girls.

"Liz, can we talk?"

"Yea sure." She got up and we walked to the library.

"So about tonight... I'm so sorry but I can't. Basketball tryouts are today and after that I got some stupid family dinner thing. Can we reschedule?"

"Sure. Friday night ok?"

"Yea." I want to kiss her so badly. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the back of the library, where no one goes. I pushed her against the wall and kissed her, putting my everything into the kiss. We pulled back for breath.

"I think I love you" shit. Did I really tell her that? God damn. It's too early to say that. She'll think I'm a freak.

"I don't think you're a freak." Shit. I said that out loud.

"Yea. You did."

"I have a habit of saying things out loud accidentally."

"I noticed"

"Look. I don't expect you to feel the same way. And I'm not expecting anything in return, but since its already out, I love you. I think I have for a while."