A/N- This was really emotional for me to write. Alex, if there's any hope just give me a sign. While I was writing this, Dream Out Loud by Alana Lee came on. It was our song.
These dreams are very real and I had each one every night for a while after he died. They repeated themselves multiple time and I couldn't sleep for a while.
*tonight I dreamt that I strangled him*
*tonight I dreamt that the car crash was my fault*
*tonight I dreamt that I drowned him*
*tonight I dreamt that he was flying to heaven and I was going to hell*
*tonight I dreamt that I was the one pouring the pills down his throat*
*tonight I dreamt that I was the one holding a knife to his neck*
*tonight I dreamt that I was the one holding the gun to his head*
*tonight I dreamt that I was the one who convinced him to take the final step*
*tonight I dreamt I was at his funeral and everyone was crying. When I walked in everyone turned and got angry or hurt expressions on their faces. Some people screaming "you did this to him!" Or "why did you do this?" Or my personal favourite " why him and not you? You should be the one in the grave!" They're right, I belong in that grave; I should be dead. It was all my fault. All of it. He's dead and I'm alive and it's just not right*
*tonight I dreamt that I pushed him off the building *
*tonight I dreamt that he gave his life away so that I could live*
