How The Bad Became Beautiful

Part 11 The Girl With The Broken Soul

As we sit in the back of this car I hear the music on the radio, it's a love song how ironic, Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls one of my all-time favourite songs, that line "and I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am" it reminds me so much of what I have been through I get the odd tear in my eye but I hold it back like I do bipolar and every emotion imaginable especially my anger as the second that's out the world war comes out worst than any grenade, and sometimes it's like you'll hold it against you, yourself and every one until you know that the world doesn't want to know or care so you end up pushing people away like boats off to sea to fade into the abyss to come back one day in the distant future when the storms over, my eye twitches for three times and I look up at Nathan "you tired babe?" asks Nathan "yeah a little" I say "well don't worry we're 5 minutes away now" says Nathan "and then we'll get some food in us and head up to bed I'll give you one of my tee-shirts" "okay then" I say smiling "just drop us here mate" says Nathan as we get to the corner "how much pal?" "that'll be £15 please mate," says the taxi driver Nathan gets out his wallet and hands the driver £20 "thank you mate," says the driver taking the money, he then looks in his wallet to see if he has a £5 "Nate should I meet you on the doorstep," I say "no babe it'll only take a second," says Nathan the driver soon hands Nathan £5 and me and Nathan get out the car, onto the pavement with the takeaway in hand, and we watch as the taxi driver revs the engine and starts the drive to his next route.

The walk is only a second or two until we're up the path and at Nathan's front door, Nathan takes his keys and opens the front door, as you walk in the house is small with black-carpeted stairs in the hall, "who" I start but then clear my throat "who else lives here?" "well babe it's just me but sometimes the boys come round but only people who come here regular is Julian and Ruby," says Nathan "are they your family?" I ask "yeah Ruby's my younger sister she's been different since my mum died, Julian's my brother but he's been more like a dad then my dad was," says Nathan "that's so sad," I say putting the takeaway on the table, taking a seat on his black leather couch and take out a kebab to eat, looking around Nathan's house there's this big, colourful fish tank and you can see all of the fish just swimming around all happily huddled together, (I've never seen the point in having fish as pets as their harder work than a dog, a cat, a horse or a hamster to look after I mean a dog and a cat you're fine as they live years but fish, well fish just swim about and you have to feed them their not really there for anything else except for staring at but my god his tank is beautifully decorated). I eat the kebab, Nathan joins me on the settee and opens up the pizza box taking a slice out of it and biting into it, chewing every mouthful like it's the last meal he'll ever eat in his life, savouring the spiciness, the cheese, the chicken cooked so tenderly "so..." I start "yes" says Nathan "so where does Ruby live with your dad or?" I ask "Ruby lives with Julian as my dad couldn't cope with her mental health issues near so Julian as he works as a doctor," says Nathan "aww right," I say  "yeah so she was better off without my dad, my dad always used to believe mental health was just a made-up thing and when Jules tried to convince him differently the knobhead told him to grow up, he did the same with me and myself and Julian both agreed that we couldn't let Ruby go through the same thing so Julian and his girlfriend took her on," says Nathan  "sounds the same type of thing that happened to me at 13," I say, taking a piece of pizza "why what happened with you?" asks Nathan "well obviously my mum and dad were toxic and after a long and hard battle with my auntie Mollie and she's been better than my mum and dad ever were," I say "yeah are your parents still together or?" asks Nathan "no they split up, my mums now the biggest addict in the world mainly hardcore drugs" I say "yeah I get that fucking disgusting habit I mean I won't lie I've done weed in the past mainly when I was 14 but then again having two parents one that's poorly the other one just an unaware and uncaring knobhead but when my mum died he stood by her and Julian wanted to smash him up I mean it's like my mum was sick me, Julian and Ruby get that but my mum was even telling him that she shouldn't have been the focus it should have been us 3 and my dad let us down" said Nathan "yeah I get that" I say "it's like my mum wants to kill herself slowly with any drug she can get then again I guess we're all addicted to something that takes the pain away" "what about your dad?" asks Nathan "he's just as bad he remarried several years back made me and my older brother Levi just stand there playing happy families him and his new wife had 2 kids together as well a little girl my half sister Natalia and a little boy my half brother Lucas don't see them as the missus doesn't approve of me or Levi but then again why would we approve of her when she thinks shes all that" I say "yeah sounds rough" says Nathan "it was" I say  god I need a cigarette.

Nathan's POV:

Seeing Raya just so broken, I grab my cigarettes out of my pocket "here" I say handing Raya a cigarette "thanks" says Raya taking the cigarette, I take out my flipper lighter and light her cigarette for her, she inhales a few centimetres of a cigarette before exhaling the smoke out through an O made from her lips, her eyelashes still as big but her eyes are filled with tears just watching her inhale to exhale her cigarette is hard, she stands up and opens the living room window blowing out smoke into the night like wishes made to fade away. Her sadness is really real and just watching her go bit by bit it's hard to imagine how broken she is.
"Sorry" whispers Raya, I get up I just want to hold her and suck the pain out of her broken soul and make her whole again "don't be your human babe and trust me I know unhappiness better than most people I know the damage that's been done and I've seen shit people shouldn't see," I tell Raya she turns to face me "then why does it happen?" asks Raya, her eyes big and filled with tears "because everything happens for a reason," I say "I know that doesn't make it any easier but that's the way you have to look at it" her face goes to the floor, my hand takes her chin, my other hand takes her face, I look into her sad brown eyes, and it brings me deep into her soul her broken, damaged beyond repair soul that could be so beautiful if she had a few stitches added to her broken heart she'd be perfect than she is already. 

We just stand there silently almost like a pair of mice trying not to get caught but it's just the perfect silence, I'm looking in the face of the most beautiful woman in the world and just staring at her makes me feel at home like I used to be with my mum and dad, Julian and Ruby all that none hard time ago.  As Raya looks back it's almost as if she's doing the same thing as I am and trying to see what I've been through as well she's literally a girl with a broken soul.
"I think I need another cigarette and some sleep," says Raya "sure," I say, I take her hand and lead her upstairs.