How The Bad Became Beautiful

Part 12 The Cigarette Theory/Lie with me Nate

Raya's POV:

Getting up his stairs, to get to sleep was honestly a hard journey in heels "if you want you can have my bed" says Nathan "oh no I really couldn't" I say "no I don't mind then again my mum would have killed me if I'd have let you sleep on the settee" says Nathan "really?" I question "really well that and I like you Raya and I couldn't share a bed yet," says Nathan, we head into his bedroom "meaning?" I question again "meaning that I wouldn't want you to feel taken advantage of," says Nathan "yet you kissed me?" I say "yeah but that's because you're as addictive as heroin," says Nathan "I fucking hope not," I say, I sit on Nathan's double bed my dress just covering me "hold on a second," says Nathan he goes out of the room, I look around the room, the bed is a cute, wooden bed with the knobs like something my dad would make, there is a wardrobe, as well as a side table with silver, push down ashtray on it, I grab a pack of cigarettes from my bag, pull one out of the carton, put the cigarettes on the side table and look around the room, until Nate comes back into the room with a pair of shorts and one of his work out vests "you can change into them babe," says Nathan "thanks Nate," I say, I start to get undressed, the only thing I'm in is my bra and pants, I put on the vest top with the Slazenger logo on it, my pants are the only thing showing my bum and my shaven legs "do you mind stepping out for a second babe?" I say turning my head to Nathan's direction "yeah sure" says Nathan, he exits whilst I strip out my pants and put on his Adidas shorts, as I look in his mirror at the vest top and shorts it's almost as if he knows me incredibly well but how? that is the mystery.
"Okay you can come back in now Nate," I say, Nate, opens the door and comes back into the bedroom, he sits on his bed "how do you know me so well?" "how do you mean?" says Nathan "like the shorts and the vest that's how I sleep or in pyjama leggings and a cami top how did you know," I say "lucky guess," says Nathan, shrugging followed by a stupid smile across his face it's seriously the cutest smile in the universe "anyway cigarette" "yeah," I say I sit on the bed with Nathan, Nathan grabs the pushdown silver ashtray and grabs a flicker lighter from his pocket and lights my cigarette for me, "thank you lovely" and I go to inhale my cigarette, Nathan also takes a cigarette from his pack and puts it to his mouth and lights it and takes his first inhale, we sit on Nathan's bed, smoking our cigarettes and just inhaling to exhaling to looking in each other's smoke-filled faces, Nathan's eyes scrolling down as I look at him until my eyes scroll down too to look at my cigarette.
Sometimes just having that cigarette in my fingers makes me think fuck this is actually what life is...  you start the first inhale it's like a baby to a child, the second you exhale that babyhood and childhood gone vapoured into smoke and mirrors, then your second is your teenage year until you're a young adult just to live with your first shitty job or that first amazing job whether it's working in a cafe, working in a warehouse, working in a bar or even in your corner shop it feels like the best thing in the world then you get more new, better opportunities, then your last mouthful of smoke is your later adult years and the senior years where you're an old man/old lady and you're sitting there watching programs such as Count Down on Channel 5, Tipping Point on ITV or your soap operas so your Emmerdale, Corrie and EastEnders until you go to bed to repeat the same day over and over and over again until you exhale the last mouthful of smoke and stub out the cigarette, I think life is sort of like a weird, fucked up cigarette every mouthful is another step to the grave. I stub out my cigarette, twisting it down as I do, and push down the ashtray and watch as the cigarette butt and ash twist down.

Nathan's POV: 
Just looking at Raya in a few bits of my work out gear she still looks as stunning as she did in that little black dress from earlier it's  almost as if she can pull off any outfit from a pair of jogging bottoms and a tee-shirt and trainers to a party dress with heels to even her work uniform she looks amazing even if her hairs curled, straight or even messy, the typical ponytail or the bouncy, playful curls that are in her hair at the moment, Raya goes to lie on the bed "want a hot water bottle, a throw or anything babe" I say "yeah just a throw" says Raya, I grab her my chocolate-coloured throw "here" I say "thanks" says Raya, she grabs the throw from me and wraps it around herself "where did you get this from?" "got it off my auntie Victoria but I call her Vicky she's like my second mum and my Uncle Andy stood my ground when my dad didn't believe anything about mental health he really fought mine and Julian's corner" I tell Raya "that's sad really I mean your dad should have pulled his fingers out his ears" says Raya "I know" I say before shrugging "well couldn't be helped so" "yeah I get that" says Raya "my mum and dad are the same my dad even told the hospital that he wasn't even depressed although he tried to top himself in the garage when I was 4" "what that's fucking disgusting?" I say "I know," says Raya "I couldn't put my kids through that shit," I say "neither could I... it fucked me up," says Raya "in fact they both did," "yeah," I say sighing, I remove my shirt and go to hang it up on a hanger in my wardrobe and then go to remove my t-shirt.

Raya's POV: 

I watch as he removes his top and put it in his wash pile before taking the belt from his jeans and unbuttoning the jeans letting them fall to the floor, seeing his body he's buff but he's got meat to him which is perfect his stocky upper body and I wonder why are most men either skinny, fat or just average this lad is severely perfect from his back to his ankles before he turns around and I see his face, his damn lips kissable and soft velvet almost, his nose perfectly stuck to his face, his hair, brown, soft, waves, the feel of the back of his head just soft, his muscles, that mum tattoo with the rose, as well as his other tattoo the smokey "you're never alone" tattoo, Nathan walks back over to me and sits on the bed as I flop down "you going to be alright in my  room babe?" asks Nathan "I'll be fine babe" I say "yeah okay then" says Nathan "just wanted to double check that all" "yeah I get that" I say "okay then I'm gonna get a quick bite to eat and then I'll check up on you again" says Nathan "okay babe" I say.

Nathan headed downstairs to get something to eat as I waited upstairs, I check my phone there's a few texts "girl what's up to you just left?" says a text from Willow, oh fuck off Willow I'll deal with you tomorrow when you've sobered up, another message Curtis "thanks again Raya well Nathan mostly but yeah she's back home she's safe as am I I'm back at mine with Jamie x" another one of my auntie Mollie "Raya are you okay xxx" I best respond to that or she'll worry I start to text "hi Auntie Mollie yes I'm fine I'm safe and I'll see you tomorrow stopping at Willow's see you tomorrow love you xxx" I send the text to my Auntie Mollie's phone, put my phone back in my bag and wrap myself in the throw.

Nathan comes up a few minutes later, he comes into the bedroom "you okay" says Nathan "yeah but I do have a bit of a weird and a bit of a childish question for you" I say I move my head to beckon him over to me, he comes in leaving the door open a tiny crack "yeah sure and I'm sure it's not that childish" says Nathan as he sits on the bed "what is it?" "I was wondering and feel free to say no but..." I start "will you lie with me, Nate?" I look at him as if to say he's going to say no but then "what until you fall asleep?" says Nathan "yeah" I say "sure babe" says Nathan "thank you" I say, my side of the bed just soft and seeing him, putting his legs up on the bed and watching me fall asleep, he rolls on to his side, his eyes soft until suddenly BLACK comes over and I'm asleep.

Nathan's POV: 

I stay in the room just lingering, admiring how beautifully perfect and peaceful she was whilst she sleeps, her eyelashes fluttered down they look longer than spiders legs or a weeping willow's branches hanging in a lonely wood, her hair spread out on the pillow like a curtain covering the whole of the pillow, her face nestled into the pillow like she's in the comfiest place in the world that isn't a bed but also isn't a settee it's almost like a weird masterpiece and I feel like a creepy weirdo for saying this but I like watching her sleep, I like the way she stirs, the way she breathes she's so precious like a rare gemstone though I have noticed the deeper into the dream she gets she starts grinding her teeth, I hold her hand and gently rub her side slowly, softly and I just can't let up staring and thinking of how incredible she is, what a woman!