How The Bad Became Beautiful

Part 16 The Shower and The Scars

Raya's POV:

As I head upstairs I head into the bedroom, I find my dress slumped on the floor, I pick it up and put it on the bed ready to wear when I get a chance to get myself ready, I hear a tap running, obviously, Nathan trying to get rid of his morning breath bless him I smile to myself and carry on staring at this dress that I had worn the night before, I leave the dress in Nathan's bedroom and grab a towel ready for my shower, Nathan's bedroom is so quiet without him in it that it's almost weird to imagine the house on its own dead and desolate it's almost sad to be honest how a 24-year-old man is living on his own in a house where I don't even know what he does to keep it bless him, I mean I know obviously his mental health's in the right place otherwise I'd not trust him so much as from some things you read about schizophrenia it is that they are incredibly unpredictable like when the weather changes from a beautiful, warm, clear-skied day and the next day is raining, miserable and all you want to do is grab a blanket sit on the settee and watch Netflix until bedtime, but Nathan he is so controlled so calm so easy-going that I would almost believe that like myself that he can mask his mental health well that no one would believe the lad had anything wrong in there, Eventually I start to get undressed out of Nathan's shorts but keep his tank top on as I take a walk over to the bathroom.

The bathroom door is unlocked and there he is, stood washing his face, until a moment later after getting all the soap off his face with water, I remove the strapless bra I have on under the tank top, I look at his hair, the nape of his neck, his back, his hips, his butt and all the way down his legs to his ankles but as I scroll back my eyes notice something, as I look up to his arm I notice little marks covered by skin grown over, I step foot into the shower slowly, followed by my other foot I walk towards Nathan and all his wet body, I take a slow walk forward, drop my hand like a gentle butterfly landing on his water-covered shoulder and kiss his shoulder gently I can't get over how this handsome, beautiful, blue-eyed man had so many demons that he had to get them over from cuts from a razor blade or a pair of scissors or even the same as Levi broken glass I know the feeling to have physical scars, even if he self-mutilated before or even if he still does he's perfect a scarred warrior hence I think that's why he has so many tattoos as he's using them as cover ups maybe to make him stop the self harm in the future, I just want to stare and admire this man as he's just so perfect and he doesn't even see it but he's perfect in soul and in form that you ignore the problems that are stirring around in his mind, you look into his eyes and believe that everything is okay, then comes the question I ask with myself why are the saddest eyes the most beautiful, I also wonder how can the most happiest people be the most broken of all? 

Nathan turns around "Raya?" says Nathan "yeah sorry just was admiring you from the doorframe" I apologise "it's okay I didn't hear you come in or even step foot in the shower," says Nathan "just tried to be quiet and do things in the quietest possible way," I say, his eyes sink to the floor of the bathtub until he looks back up again "I guess you've seen the scars," says Nathan "well..." I start trying not to make it obvious but my hand holds his arm and I graze my thumb across a small scar on his forearm where the elbow lies my eyes just stuck on this one particular scar but I also focus on his tattoo the one on his ribcage "what's that tattoo for?" "what the angel wing and the quote?" says Nathan I nod Nathan sighs "it's so I don't do anything stupid in the future" "can I guess what that is?" I ask "can do," says Nathan he throws his head back slowly and feels the water sprinkling onto his back and the top of his head, "have you tried to commit suicide?" I blurt out slowly there's a pregnant pause until "yeah," whispers Nathan looking down, my other hand reaches to his shiny, slippery, dark and wet hair until I feel the back of his hair "babe I don't know much but suicide attempts and scars aren't anything to be ashamed of if anything they prove your strength and I learned that 2 years ago when I was the same way and sometimes it isn't physical strength that'll define you it's the mental strength that can do that better than anything else" I say "why are you so good with your words?" asks Nathan "suppose it's just a trait of mine" I say, my lips go into my mouth as my eyes roll again "yeah maybe but you need to do something with it" says Nathan "as honestly, I could believe you could do anything you set your mind to Raya" says Nathan a small smile across his lips, I smile back and turn to get out of the tub, "Raya" says Nathan, his damp hand is on my arm pulling me back, he pulls me towards him until my hands are on his chest and I'm almost stuffed near his perfect yet soaking-wet torso "don't go" his eyes soft, it was like he didn't want me to leave him "I won't" I say in a whisper, I take a glance at his torso, until I see his arm, his hand and finger beckon my face up, and slowly but surely he kisses my lips, there's still water on his lips and this doesn't even feel real it feels more like a Hollywood film or something you read in stories but this is real like really-real no questions, no cameras, no director yelling "CUT" or "That's a wrap people, clear the set", it's just me and Nathan and the running water behind us.