LIGHT IN MY LIFE OF DARKNESS

CHAPTER 28

CONTINUATION OF THE PAST

I felt everyone going away from me, di was taken to a counselor as she was still not talking or crying but walking and was staying like a dead soul and I felt everyone was going away from me.

I was not able to handle it,  every night that  incident used to come in front of my eyes seeing jiju's death like that, I used to shiver and shout and expect that someone will come and take me into their arms (Rahul  had gone to  London as he has to finish some formalities before shifting to India.")I had no sleep from that day of jiju's death and Rohan Bhai was also out of the country as they went to visit their aunt and uncle and I feared that they will blame me for jiju's death so I did not even call them

I was dying every day and I can not explain the trauma I was going through 

I started getting nightmares where my entire family blamed me for jiju's death and jiju used to come into my dream and say you snatched my life, you separated me from my wife, you are the culprit, you should also not live 

So without anyone noticing, I started taking sleeping pills

This continued for 2 months, but I still used to smile in front of my 2 best friends and my family and they used to think  I am fine but I only know how much pain I go through which is hidden behind that smile 

Rahul returned yesterday he was the only one who used to come and try to divert my attention by talking about his London or play with me 

One day I was taking my pills and suddenly someone opened the door, so I hid my pills behind my back

Papa and Rahul came inside they saw me hiding something so they snatched it and saw they were sleeping pills

Papa started shouting and he called the doctor 

Everyone came to  my room and you know  I felt that at least due to me taking the pills everyone at least came to my room to see what happened 

Rahul was shouting at me and papa was questioning me on why I was taking them.

The doctor comes and asked me few questions

" from when and why are you taking them"the doctor questioned me

I saw everyone around and I did not want to show my vulnerability but I guess the doctor sensed it so he asked only two  people to stay

so mom and dad stayed back and I was sitting by keeping my head on my mother's lap and after months I felt peace from all the fears I was facing from the past few months and a soothing feeling when mom was stroking my hair

"I was getting nightmares every day and I was not able to sleep, "I answered the doctor and I felt mom's hold tightened around and I felt  some tears on my face and I saw up mom was crying clutching papa's shirt and even papa was having tears

Then I felt that I should not have told in front of them, I felt bad that due to me that became sad and adding to their problems I added other problem to their life

"I recommend not take them as she is still not at the correct  age to take them and try to divert her mind or make her feel tired for initial days so she can sleep fast and after sometime, she will get used to it, "the doctor told

After the doctor left, mom and dad slept with me and they both were there when I got the nightmare today

I do not know how my life changed this much in a second, I lived happily with my family and today I feel I do not even have a family after the death of a person

After some days I felt everything was coming  back to normal, so I thought to lift everyone's mode by entertaining them

I was playing with grandpa's and suddenly the ball hit di, I thought she will give it to me as it went under her chair