LIGHT IN MY LIFE OF DARKNESS

CHAPTER 29

CONTINUATION OF THE PAST

I was walking aimlessly on the road, with no feelings with no pain, with no tears, I was walking like a  dead soul I do not know if I should be angry at myself or.

I heard a car horn but I cared less and was walking getting drenched as it was raining heavily 

That car crossed me and  blocked my path and then I saw Rohan Bhai

He was having tears seeing me in this condition

He took me inside the car and we went to bhai's house 

Isha bhabhi and Prerna aunty were roaming here and there as if they were tensed about something,  when they saw me they hugged me tightly

Bhai told me that they returned immediately after getting a call from Rahul yesterday that my condition was not good and today  Rahul knew that I will not go to bhai's house so he once again called him.

I always had a pair of keys of bhai's house if I had an emergency I can come here that is why Rahul told me to come here

Akshara aunty took me to her room and made me sleep on her lap,  she was stroking my hairs and I could feel wetness on my forehead when I saw upwards I saw aunty crying 

Bhai was crying badly holding me  as he was  grieving over his best friends death and me being in this state was not helping either

I started calling aunty as  a mom because she played the role of mother in my life .  I shifted my school as I did not want to face my brothers and Rahul came after a week to see me and I did not ask him anything about that family and Bhai and everyone tried hard to make me laugh or at least make me smile but I felt nothing.
It was very difficult for me to even to breath after all the happenings coming in front of me everyday .

I started once again taking those pills as I was not getting sleep but was getting  nightmares, when I saw  di and ma in the street, and suddenly I do not know what happened all those incidents triggered from jiju's death to the point where I was kicked out.

I ran to my room as fast as possible to take those pills as they were sleeping and anti-depressant pills 

My hands were shaking due to those triggered memories and the bottle fell from my hands,  I slide on my knees and took how many ever pills came into my hand was going to swallow them but they were snatched away by bhabhi and mom, I desperately needed them and my shivering was not stopping and even my breath became uneven and it was hard for me to breathe properly, I was not knowing what was happening but I heard bhabhi mutter"  shit she is having an attack ma"   and those were the last words I heard before slipping into darkness 

"After some time, I was woken up by a bright light blocking my vision , I saw my surroundings,  I saw that  that and Gaurav laying on the sofa, they both were looking so cute, I think due to my movement Gaurav and Bhai woke up and started showering me with question

After spending a day in the hospital, I left home and I saw mom standing there with Bhai and bhabhi with Aarti thali.

I got to know that I had a panic attack and these attacks occur when I have stress or due to my nightmares, anything would be the reason

I had panic attacks in the night and bhabhi and Rohan Bhai were the only one's who could control me, bhabhi recorded her voice so that panic attacks will be in control when Bhai and bhabhi are not their 

To lighten my mood mom took me to the orphanage along with me Gautam also came  where everyone was playing and laughing 

Then I saw a small girl who was 5 or 6 years younger than me she was wearing two pigtails and playing with the children

One girl was crying loudly and that small child was trying to control her, suddenly she got irritated with her crying she pulled her chubby cheeks very harshly, which resulted in making the child cry more, mom ran they're and consoled that crying child by rocking her in her arm s,  Gautam found the girl adorable who was having a pout on her face and her cheeks became red as if she was also on the verge of cryingautam went and pulled her pigtails making her swat his hands angrily and she was glaring at him girl who was on the verge of crying was now killing a person with her glares

I found her adorable and smiled seeing her antics

Suddenly I heard a shriek and a squeal and I saw they were from Gautam and mom, a mom who came and touched my forehead as if she was checking my forehead and turned towards Gautam and told: "Am I dreaming Gautam please pinch me ."

Gautam pinched little hardly which earned a smack on his head by mom

This all drama happened because I smiled, and they both were dancing and celebrating as if they saw the 8th wonder of the world

I rolled my eyes and saw everyone was seeing us weirdly and that little one  who bought a smile on my face got confused on why we were behaving like this but she was enjoying and even she was jumping, mom kissed her entire face and gave her look that I am proud of you as if she saved our country from an attack of terrorists 

Then mom introduced me to that cute kiddo.  Her name was Idrija and she was mom's best friend daughter

Adria used to get annoyed whenever Gautam used to be near her and she was one notty girl I have  ever seen, mom used to bring her frequently so that she can make me smidailyot know but whenever I see that cute angel, I get a smile on my face 

Then I got how much mom and everyone wanted to see me smiling and laughing, I could not smile and laugh because every time I do that One memory or other related to my family used to flash in front of my eyes 

Bhai decided that we all will shift to the US so that I can at least breathe freely because whenever I used to think ok at least today I am not having an attack that day I used to see some of the other people of my family would be seen and even Avinash bhai thought to expand the business

We all shifted to London and there I met Kathy di, Chris, maria, Vikram and Anirudh 

Anirudh was like a jovial person and he can guess what is happening in my mind some times and lightens my mood when I get depressed or angry is also close to me compared to other people

Katherine di and Chris were senior to me in my college, they saved me many times and they were other pair of overprotective people in my life, after bhabhi and bhai's death they were the people who were able to take care of me how Avinash Bhai and isha bhabhi used to take care 

Vikram and maria I met during my graduation, they were a little younger Ghanaian me and maria was a girl who was  introvert type but she used to open up with us but she was very close to Kathy di and Chris, they played the role of isha bhabhi and Avinash Bhai in her life 

Vikram and Idrija are the only people who know  my beastly form and they are the people who know the real me in the business world

After my studies, I set up a company with Avinash bhai's help and it became a big success with 2 years due to my business tatacticsnd Rohan bhai's knowledge

All the boys of our family are damn overprotective about all the girls especially me and Idrija
They will kill every boy who stands even in a 15 m distance from us

The most important people in my life are Avinasareeareai  isha bhabhi, Rohan Bhai,  mom, and ssubmitjiju

They were my everything but I became distant from everyone after the accident and my kidnap
I felt everything was going away in front of my eyes.
Why, what did I do that I deserved this much punishment in my life
I felt everything was gone, it is hard for every person to see a girl getting raped in front of our eyes and who was very close to my heart, the girl who was able to heal my pain just in that one month
I wish all the four were alive today
My life would be different
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