FINDING HAPPINESS. ( EDITED.)

Prologue.

He gets in the room, everyone goes quiet then he sits down on the chair then everyone gets up and leaves, leaving me alone with him. I can feel him looking at me but I don't dare look up. He sighs and I think he leans forward putting his forearms on his knees, gripping his hands with his index fingers on his mouth. I have seen him doing that the past week and I think he does that when he is stressed. We are all stressed but for me it's worse.

" they are telling me that you are refusing to eat anything " I don't say anything. I hear him shuffling like he's facing me now. He has this distinct smell about him that only he has, it is him and he is it.

" I'm sorry you had to lose him this way, it wasn't fair to you and you don't deserve what is happening to you now " tears continue to fall. I still don't say anything. So they told him that I'm not eating and he's here to do what?, beg me to eat?. " you need strength, you need to be strong but you need to eat something to have that."

" I'm not hungry " I wipe my tears off.

"  look at me " I can't look at him... I just can't. " will you please look at me " he's getting frustrated I think. I uncover myself with the blanket and look at him and his eyes look tired.

" for three days you haven't eaten anything and that is not acceptable, I don't care what is going on but you have to eat " how can I eat when I don't trust anyone in this house... what if they kill me cause I'm even scared to drink tea or a glass of water, how do I tell him that?

" I'm really not hungry

" get up and let's go " What?

" I'm not allowed to leave this room "

" who said that? " He frowns.

" please I don't want trouble "

" Lwandle let's go " I get up from the mattress that I've been sitting on and my body is so sore. I wear my sleepers then fix my cardigan that I'm wearing.

" follow me " he says, we leave the bedroom and as we pass the living room the people in the house stop talking and look at us and I know what they are thinking and I'm scared to even look at them. We pass the dining room and go to the kitchen and they are there talking.

" what are you doing here in the kitchen? " his sister asks me and I keep quiet.

" why are you shouting busiwe? "

" she was told not to leave the bedroom and stay there, where is she going ? "

" that's none of your business where she's going cause I'm taking her somewhere "

" mom is not going to be happy with that " Busiwe is annoying.

" she will talk to me if she has a problem with that " he says opening the kitchen door and we leave. We get in his car and drive out of the yard.

" I think she's right, I'm not suppose to be out in the streets and your mother will not be happy when she finds me not there "

" she'll get over it "

" where are you taking me? "

" to get you something to eat "

" what will people say when they see me "

" forget about what people are saying lwandle and focus on yourself " he says driving and I keep quiet, One minute I was happy and the next I'm crying.

" you'll stay here in the car while I go get us some food okay? " he has stopped out side the taxi rank where cars park.

" yebo bhuti sthembiso (ok) ”. He gets out and leaves me alone but locks the doors. I watch him go and he walks like him, he loved him very much and would always talk about him but now he's not here, he left me and now I'm alone. I cover my face and cry, now that I'm alone in this car I can finally cry and let it all out without anyone hearing me. I wish he didn't leave and I still don't know how it happened and I let it all out. I hear the car door opening and I stop crying and wipe my tears off.

" you don't have to stop crying just because I'm here "

" I'm sorry " I apologize.

" you have nothing to be sorry about, you are grieving for him " when he says that I cry loud and he just watches me until I stop then he gives me his handkerchief and I blow my nose.

" thank you "

" let's eat and go back before all hell breaks lose, I bought you pap and amathumbo with red paprika cause I know you love them "

" thank you " I take the takeaway container from him and eat and it tastes so good. I eat all of it and finish cause I know it's going to be a while before I eat something again.

" you were really hungry "

" yeah I was "

" why are you refusing to eat in the house? "

" can we go back please? "

" so you won't answer me? "

" no " he shakes his head and we drive off back to the house and his mom's car is there... she's back, I sigh depressed. We get out and go to the house using the kitchen door and as soon as his mom sees me, she stands up comes to me and slaps me so hard across my face and I cover my face and cry.

" mom what are you doing? " Sthembiso asks her shocked.

" who told you to leave this house you witch? " I don't say anything and just cry and busiwe and her friends laugh at me.

" I asked her to company me somewhere cause she has been sitting in that room for three days mama! "

" is this how you talk to me now sthembiso?, raising your voice at me?. You left with this witch, what if she had killed you like she killed your brother? "

" I didn't kill uSandile mama I swear I didn't! "

" Hhhey! don't you dare call me your mother you witch?, go to that shack you call a house and look for your mother there!. You killed my son and now you want to kill another one? "

" mama stop this please, we are in mourning and we can't be fighting please! "

" you think she didn't poison your brother sthembiso , this poor good for nothing fat bitch?! "

" dad will not be happy when he hears that you were shouting in this house "

" your dad is coming with a traditional healer who will tell us and confirm what we all know in this family that this witch, hore poisoned and killed my son! "

" it's better that he comes cause he will tell you that I didn't kill your son, I loved him "

" shut up! , you will know me well by the time I'm through with you! "

" go to the bedroom lwandle " I'm about to turn and go when she drags me by my head cardigan and throws huge slaps and punches to my face then sthembiso stops her and I run to the bedroom crying. I get in and sit on the mattress and cry. No one says anything because I'm accused of poisoning my fiancé just two days before our wedding.

I made him food and we ate like everyday and the next thing I know he's falling down crying of stomach aches and when he gets to the hospital he dies....just like that. I'm surrounded by his family here and I'm all alone cause my family is not allowed cause we are poor.

I'm not allowed to even cook cause they say I will poison and kill all of them but I'm the one who's scared that they will poison and kill me, that is why I refuse to eat anything, I would rather die of hunger.

The traditional healer has to come and clear my name then I'm out of here after the funeral, I want all these people out of my life.