FINDING HAPPINESS. ( EDITED.)

Continual of Chapter 18

Is it wrong for me to wish that I wasn’t pregnant because maybe it wouldn’t hurt this bad?. Why did I take the damn morning after pill?. Look at me now?. I’m heartbroken and pregnant. He promised me the moon and the stars and made all kinds of promises to me but at the end he hurt me. He hurt me so much. I don’t regret carrying these wonderful kids because they are mine and they did nothing wrong. They are innocent and I will make sure that nothing hurts them and they receive the love they deserve.
The knocks on the door finally stop. He has been knocking for a few hours and I guess he finally gave up. The door opens and he gets in.  He sits on the bed and brushes my back. He doesn’t say anything. He listens to me sobbing until I stop. “ are you hungry? ” I shake my head no. “ too bad. The babies are hungry. Get up mommy. ” I shake my head no. “ you don’t want me to turn into a big bad wolf and force you too eat now do you? ” I look at him and he’s smiling.
“ he hurt me mali. He really hurt me. After everything I have done for him. He goes and does this?. ” his jaw clenches. “ he doesn’t deserve you. Please get up and eat. Marge will be hurt if you don’t eat. ” I turn and sit up. He fixes the continental pillow for me then gives me a plate. I take it and stuff my mouth with food. He keeps looking at me like he’s studying me. When I’m done he takes the plate, leaves and comes back with camomile tea. I drink it and it’s good. “ how did you know he slept with her? ” I look away.
“ The day I left I called his phone and she answered it. She said he was busy but will tell him I called. She didn’t hang up then I heard his voice asking who was it and she told him it’s me. He said oh and nothing else. I hanged up and left when everyone was sleeping. When he asked me where I was when I was talking to my mom I heard the way he sighed. It was full of guilt and I just knew. ” I don’t tell him the whole truth. He shakes his head.
“ I wish I knew what to tell you but I don’t.  What can I do to make you feel better? ” I look at him and smile. “ there’s nothing you can do but thank you for everything. ” he nods. “ well there is something you can do now that I think about it. ”
“ Ohk I’m listening. ” he says. “ can you bring my sister here. I need her, I know I’m asking for too much but I really need her. Please.” he nods. “ I can take you home if that’s what you want. You don’t have to be here. ”
“ I want to be here. I’m not ready to face all of them. Please bring Millie here. You can ask Pat to bring her but she must make sure that no one knows she’s coming to see me. ”
“ I’ll ask Marge to come and help you bath. Don’t lock yourself in. Okay?” I can bath myself though
“ I won’t.  ” he leaves and I close my eyes. “ lwandle?, lwandle?. Please let me in? ” it’s sandile calling my name. I ignore him. “  are you safe? are the kids okay? ” he asks me. I lock him out and Marge comes in. “ are okay child? ” she asks smiling.
“ I have been better Mrs Margaret. Thank you for food. I don’t how the both of you cook it but my kids seem to love it. ” she smiles. “ and your skin is starting to have colour. You don’t look pale anymore. I’m going to run you a bath. ” she goes to the bathroom and I get up and take off the bathrobe I’ve been sleeping with and go to the bathroom. Marge helps me get in the bath. The water is just perfect. “ Mrs Margaret? ”
“ yes child. ” she says and sits down on the toilet bowl. “ I have something to tell you and me and Mali. ” she chuckles. “ he has already told me child. I’m sorry that I put you in an awkward situation. I just thought he has finally found someone that’s all. ”
“ I’m sorry too. I didn’t want to lie to you. ”
“ It’s okay dear. Can I give you some advice? ”
“ Yes please “ I’m eager to hear what she has to say.
“ you know sometimes the people that we love hurt us the most. They hurt us in ways that are in imaginable and we start to question ourselves what is wrong with me?. But the problem is not with us but with them and what kind of person they are. Sometimes they hurt us to push us away because they are afraid of change and what we make them feel. So they hurt us first before we can hurt them. Others don’t know how to love. When they experience that feeling of love they feel vulnerable and exposed and to them it’s scary. Lwandle I know that you’re here because you got hurt and you want some clarity but you won’t find that until you deal with what is bothering you. Running away my child from your problems has never been an answer. You have to face them, deal with them and then make a decision that is best for you and your kids. Not anyone else. ” wow, that sounds like what my mother would say.
“ you are a very beautiful woman, carrying another man’s children. I want to ask this of you and please don’t take it the wrong way. Deal with everything that is troubling you because malibongwe seems to be taken by you. I don’t want you to involve him in your problems and then at the end he will be left with a broken heart.”
“ Mrs Margaret there is nothing going on between us and nothing happened that would suggest that he likes me that way. I do not see him like that, yes he’s a very handsome man and I am not blind to that. I will not start something with any other man while I’m still carrying the kids of the man who has hurt me in many ways. I don’t know what the future holds for me and my kids. Right now I want to focus on my kids only and nothing else. ” I tell her.
“ I hear you child. I think it’s best for you to go back home to your family. So they can help you heal during this tough time. You need your mother now more than him. She’s a woman and I bet she has been on this road with you before. Don’t shut out the people who love you and did nothing to you. Do you hear me my child?. ” I am a crying mess right now. Tears won’t stop streaming down my face. “ I hear you Mrs Margaret. I will go home tomorrow. ” she gets up and pats my back. She waits for me until I’m finished. I get up and dry myself wear a towel around my body then leave. I go and search for malibongwe. He is in his study on the phone. I knock and he gestures for me to come in. I sit down and wait for him to be done with his call.
“  what brings you here? ” he asks me hanging up and leaning backwards on his chair.
“ have you called Pat yet? ” he cocks his head to the side.
“ I was about to. Why? ”
“ Don’t call him. I’ve been thinking. I want to go home and deal with everything. I can’t run away and I need answers. ” I tell him. He gets up, sits on the chair next to mine.
“ I thought you wanted to stay for a while. What changed? ”
“ me being here is like I’m ignoring everything wrong that is going on in my life and I can’t do that. I have to deal with everything before my kids come in this crazy world. I don’t want then to be born surrounded by chaos. I need my mom and sister and I have to explain to them what happened. ” he looks frustrated.
“ I get where you’re coming from and I can’t force you to stay here. ”
“ Thank you. ” I smile.
“ Just when I was getting used to you, you tell me you’re leaving. Can I at least drive you home? ”
“ You can but you will leave me in town. I can’t show up home with another man. My uncles will kill me. ” he chuckles.
“ I know. Go get some rest then. ” I get up and he gets up with me. “ can I get a hug? ” I chuckle and nod. He pulls me to him and gives me a warm hug. I breathe out as I wrap my arms around him. “ anytime you need me, I’ll be there for you. Don’t forget that. ” I nod. He kisses my cheek then holds my hands. “ can I tuck you in? ” he smirks and I laugh. I forget a few hours ago I was crying my eyes out. My heart still hurts though, painfully  “ I’m not a child mali. ”
“ I know. But can you be my baby for tonight only? ” I laugh. “ sure. ” we leave his office. The bed is nicely made when we get in the bedroom and I’m thankful. I’m not mad at what Marge said because everything she said made sense. I have to make a decision and close a door that needs to be closed before I open another one. Am I even ready for that?. “ oh I almost forgot. My assistant did bring you clothes you can wear. There’s even night wear. Wait here, I’ll go and get them.” He leaves and I sit in the bed. I can hear sthembiso calling my name and he’s not stopping. He’s giving me a damn headache. Mali comes back with many shopping bags. You know those bags from boutiques? Yes those. He places them down then gives me one bag. I take it, open it and it’s a silk pyjama pair. The shorts have a stretching waist line and I smile. They look like they are my size. I look at him and smile. He winks at me and I laugh. I take them and go to the bathroom and change. They fit me so well and you can’t really tell that I am expecting. I come out and he meets me half way.
“ you really look beautiful. ” he takes my hands and leads me to the bed and I lay down. He covers me with the duvet and sits. “ what are you thinking about? ”
“ I wish I can see you when your stomach is really big ” I chuckle. “ I’m going to be big and ugly.  You are going to be shocked. He shakes his head.
“ you could never be ugly. You are already beautiful and as the kids grow in your belly, they are going to make you look beautiful. We are wolves maMchunu and every thing about us is beautiful. I just wish I could be there. ” the way he says it it’s like he’s yearning for it and it comes from the depths of his heart. I palm his cheek.
“ You really are a wonderful man Mali. You are going to make someone a very happy woman.” I tell him. He kisses my palm.
“ but not you right? ”
“ I have too much baggage and I need to deal with that and make decisions. I don’t want to drag you in my mess and then break your heart. ” he takes my hand. “ I wish I could have been the one to meet you first. Love and adore you the way you deserve. ” he wipes my tears with his other hand.
“ we don’t know what the future holds. Maybe we will bump into each other someday. I’m glad I got to meet you and know the little I know about you.” I tell him.

“ Maybe one day you’ll know a lot more about me when we bump into each other. ” I smile. “ sleep beautiful. You had along day. ” there is something about the way he says I must sleep because every time he says that I immediately get sleepy. “ goodnight Mthiyane. ” I feel a light kiss on my forehead.
It’s the next day and we are driving down to Newcastle. There’s a driver who’s driving us and we are both sitting on the back. His mind seems so far away and I don’t want to disturb him from his thoughts. He’s holding my hand and it’s warm. I didn’t stop him. I am holding his back. Is this cheating?, I don’t know but it doesn’t feel wrong. Cheating feels wrong, you feel guilty and all types of emotions. I don’t feel guilty at all. If sthembiso had to ask me what happened I would tell him the whole truth and what I felt. I wouldn’t hide it.
“ are you hungry?, do you need to go to the loo? ” I shake my head no. “ I’m not ready. ” he says.
“ for what? ” I look at him. He shifts and faces me. “ to say goodbye to you. ” I feel the same. “ you gave me your card. We will talk. It doesn’t have to be like when we get to Newcastle, I won’t ever talk to you ever again. ” he smiles. He really has a beautiful smile.
“ You promise? ” I laugh cause he gives me a puppy look. “ I swear. ” I tell him. “ you should laugh more. Be happy. Smile more and let your beautiful face glow. ”
“ You sure really know how to make a woman blush. ” I tell him. “ I didn’t know I could do that before I met you. ” I roll my eyes. I look outside and see a board that says ‘ welcome to Newcastle ‘. Here it goes.
“ where do you want me to drop you off? ” he asks.
“ At the mall. I’ll call Millie to come and get me. ”

“ How cause you don’t have a phone? ”
“ I do have a phone not a sim card. Can I use yours? ” he nods. We park at the mall parking lot. He gives me the phone and I dial Millie’s number.
“ I don’t owe anyone private number! ” she’s annoyed.
“ Millie? ” she gets silent. “ are you okay? ” she sounds worried.
“ I am fine. Can you come and get me. I’m at the mall. ”
“ which mall?, our mall? ”
“ Millie man here, Majuba mall. ”
“ Ohk I’m coming. Where will I find you? ”
“ next to the main entrance. Look around the parking lot. ”
“ I’m coming. ” she hangs up. I look at Mali and he sighs.
“ so this is it. ”
“ it is. Let’s wait for her outside so she can spot you.” The door opens and he gets out. Mine opens too and I get out. “ thank you. ” I thank the driver and he nods politely. “ is your sister coming with a car? ”
“ I’m not sure cause I left mine in Vryheid. ”
“ What about your clothes if she’s not coming with a car? ”
“ We’ll take a meter taxi if she’s not. ” he looks at me and brushes my cheek. “ so this is it. ” I say.
“ for now. ” he says it like it’s a statement. I look at him. He pulls me to him and gives me a really warm, tight hug and I return it. “ I will see you again my beautiful white wolf with blue eyes. ” he says. I pull back and look at him.
“ How do you know that? ”
“ I know a lot. ” he smiles.
“ what colour wolf are you? ” he smirks
“ You’ll have to wait and see. ” he says and we both laugh.
“ Lwandle! Lwandle! Lwandle! ” it’s sthembiso. I turn and look at him then look at Millie and she’s shrugs her shoulders and mouths an apology. He comes towards us like he’s ready to charge. The energy changes and I feel something coming from Mali like he’s also showing off his dominance side too. He stands in front of me like he’s protecting me from sthembiso. They both stand tall, face to face and size each other up.
“ get in the car ” sthembiso says. I ignore him and look at Millie. She comes to me. “ take my bags in the car boot and we’ll catch a taxi back home. ” she nods and the driver opens the boot for her and she takes the shopping bags out.
“ you stay the fuck away from my wife! You hear me! ” sthembiso says
“ Ey khetha amagama owakhuluma kimi! ” ( hey watch what you say to me! )
“ Mali? ” they both look at me. “ thank you for taking care of me and getting me home safe. ” he smiles and sthembiso flinches like he just got burned. Mali comes to me and smiles. “ it has been my absolute pleasure my Queen. ” he lifts his hand like he’s about to touch me. “ touch her and I swear to God I’ll fucken kill you! ”
“ insult me one more time and you’ll be sorry. ” Mali looks at me and winks then he gets in his car and it drives off. I turn and walk away from him. He comes and almost touches me and I scream so loud people stop walking and stare at us. “ touch me! I dare you to put your hands on me again! ” I look at him and he stops. “ stay the hell away from me! ”
“ you’re my wife dammit! ” he shouts.
“ I am?!. Where were you the last three months and you remember that you have a wife now? Ngezinkomo ezingakhi? ” ( with how much bride price? )
“ lwandle please! Let’s go home and I will explain. I’m sorry. ” he says and I shake my head and wipe my tears.
“ I’m sorry too sthembiso because I want nothing to do with you. Stay the hell away from me. ” he looks at me like the world has ended. Millie stops a taxi and we get inside. I see him watching us then he gets in the car.
“ We are going to kabab' omdala’s house He can’t come in there. He won’t let him in ” I tell Millie and she agrees. ( we are going to our uncle’s house. )
“ I’m mad at you but I’m happy that you’re back. ”  she says.
“ I’m sorry sis. ” I apologize
“ What happened? ”
“ I’ll let you know when we get home. ” she sighs and takes my hand. We link them. “ did you really mean it when you said you wanted nothing to do with him? ” I sigh and look outside.
“ he hurt me Millie. He hurt me so bad and I don’t know what I’m going to do. ” I wipe my tears.

“ I’m right here now. We all are. ”
“ thank you. Call uncle and tell him we’re coming and sthembiso is following us. ”
“ he’s very mad at you but mostly him. ” I nod. He’s the uncle who doesn’t deal with nonsense but I know he will not let sthembiso anywhere near me.
“ How is mom? ”
“ she’s okay I guess. She’s just happy that your back home. Who’s that man that you were with? ”
“ I don’t really know him but he’s one of us. ”