I See Your Soul [An Original Michael Jackson Love Story] ✔

Chapter 41: Singing in the Rain

Wednesday, December 26, 1979

Christmas day was quiet. After much pushing from his boss, Bill left to spend the holiday with his wife, promising to be back in a few days. Michael insisted on staying behind in the condo, reminding Bill of the impressive building security and cameras in every hall. He promised to remain inside and get some rest, adding, "Where would I even go!?" But shortly after watching his friend leave, Michael donned a disguise to walk the streets alone.

Peeping in the quiet shop windows, Michael imagined the joyful faces of strangers unwrapping the gifts that were locked behind this glass. Families were cuddled together, sipping hot chocolate beneath the glowing lights of a fir tree. He squeezed Tinker Bell in his pocket.

New York City was known to feel like living in a fairy tale this time of year. Snow covered the streets. Cheery holiday music played in every store. Strangers hustled in circles, wrapped tight behind festive scarfed necks and tight coats. Bright, twinkling lights sparked hope and beauty. It was magical, especially to visitors who would watch the snow fall with romantic eyes. The sounds and the feel of the city where dreams come true.

But Michael had never felt less inspired. It started to snow again. Winds blew until his icy cheeks burned like fire, forcing him to retreat back to his lonely room. But there was comfort here. Warmth and silence and infinite daydreams.

From the window of his apartment, sitting high on the 12th floor in the middle of Manhattan, Michael watched the street he just walked, now covered in a blizzard of fresh white. There was no magic in this, only agony. Bitter cold. Dirty sidewalks. Constant traffic and honking horns, even on holidays where the world should be stilled. So Michael avoided the window, closing the shades and locking himself away to the darkness.

Now, the day after Christmas, Michael awoke to silence. Disoriented in his exhaustion, he had no idea what time it was. He'd spent the days sleeping. The nights, dreaming awake. But it didn't matter. He had lied to Nicole, there was no big new project. He had no plans or reasoning for being in this city. Michael's only goal had been to escape the frustrations, and bullying, and pressures he felt at home and New York seemed to make sense at the time. Escapism. But this didn't feel like the elusion he intended. It felt like the cold, familiar loneliness he'd been trying to fight for years.

But maybe, Michael rationalized in his mind, this was exactly what he needed. Room and air to breathe. No one could call him here, only Bill knew where exactly he was. There was no impending deadline or contract that needed a quick signature. No brothers to gripe about performance schedules. No pesky sisters to complain about messes left in the kitchen. No Katherine to fight his battles. No Joseph to invoke his anger. No Nicole to soothe him with sweet kisses. There was nothing.

Still speaking frequently on the phone, Michael could tell by Nicole's tone and eagerness that her mind was somewhere else. She was excited to be spending much-needed time with her family and friends. He couldn't blame her. In fact, Michael encouraged her. Soon enough, they would be together again. Maybe the time apart would do them good. A healthy break, instead of the sadness and confusion of several days ago. Now Michael and Nicole were in a good place, each confident in the way they'd said goodbye that night. That dress. The chocolate cake. The champagne numbness. Tchaikovsky's powerful symphony.