Snarled Heart (A painful journey)

SH*10

I have a choice to make!

Amirah_

Khalid rested his head on the steering wheel of his car. Amirah had left him compoundedly and went into the house the moment he had proposed to her. What could he do? He had never felt any special love for any woman until he met her. And this is exactly what he had in mind since he met her, to get married to her. The hassle had happened just at the precise time, but then, her mood had made him felt so scared, just how scared he had been feeling anytime he settled with his mind to propose to her. Will she accpet him or reject him? She didn't even gave him an answer expect to walk away from him.

Why did she even left that abruptly and scarily? Is it that she doesn't like him at all or is it the way he proposed to her that she doesn't like? She must be thinking he's using her confusion state to get what he wanted.

Tired of unnecessary thought? He put up his head and started the car, then whirred home to go and rest.

💝💘💝

"Farida what should I do I swear I'm in a mess right now?" Amirah bleated, tears dropping out of her eyes one drop after another.

The moment Khalid proposed to her, she felt stabbed; so bitter and betrayed that she left him outside and stormed into the house and called her friend. Farida visited her less than thirty minutes after she'd called her crying out her distress.

Farida sighed. "Hmmm, this is serious. I don't even know what to say right now." She placed her chin on her thumb and stared at the crying Amirah tentatively.  "But you know your idea of not getting married again is frivolous right?"

"Is not farida." Amirah wiped away her tears and sniffled. "I wish you can understand me, is not that easy for me. And I don't think I can open my heart to anyone again after I've lost Amin."

"And that is it. Now, no one is telling you to open your heart to any man again, but get married for marriage sake so that people will look at you with high regard. You can't stay like this forever because you lost your love, you have to move on dear. You're still young that people who don't know you will never think you've been married before."
Farida kept soothing her glibly.

Amirah shook her head. "How can I move on farida? I hate the word marriage now. It's only with Amin that I can think of the word 'marriage' and smile. I'll never get married again." She whined resentfully, wishing ardently that they should understand her.

"May I know why?" Farida demanded, looking intently at her.

"Because I'm not being fair to Amin if I take another husband. I want him to be my husband even in jannah."

Farida sighed. "Amin won't be happy seeing you like this Amirah wherever he is, and mind you, even in jannat, you'll be asked to choose between the husbands you married on earth. Besides, you wants to make Amin's dream of making his company and projects alive right? Then get married to achieve that for him."

Amirah shook her head distressfully. "If not for that, will I care a dyne if appa locked me indoor for the rest of my life. But then, Amin had always have hope in me and I know he'll want me to move on with his projects of helping the villages through his company's profit. And the company have to be operated prudishly to achieve that."

Farida moved closer to her and cuddled her in an embrace, patting her back gently as Amirah let out the stream of searing water lurching in her eyes.

"Is okay now. You know what you'll do, go talk to your father later and beg him to withdraw the marriage thing. If he's willing to withdraw then better for you, but if he's not willing, then you can come up with another plan."

Amirah thought primly of what she had said. Farida have no idea how obstinate and defiant her farther can be, that's because she didn't tell her what had happened when they separated before their divorce. Appa is a man of his words, so inclined to his believe that whatever he said he's bound to execute it. But there's no harm in trying. She'll go to him as farida had adviced and confront him about the situation glaring at her, who knows, he might gave in for the first time.

"Thank you for your help In Sha Allah I'll try and see what comes after it." Amirah said, feeling less anxiety than she felt before.

"Wait now, you told me Khalid proposed to you am I right?" Farida hinted as it bounced back on her brain that amirah had told her about Khalid proposal.

"Don't mind that guy. The moment I bleated my problem to him he decided to take that opportunity and proposed to me as if he'd been waiting for that fortuitous encounter to happen." Amirah scorned, resentment obvious in her tone, but then, farida smiled a toothy smile that looks more like a grin.

"Then you have nothing to worry about. You have one at hand incase appa refused to concede."

Amirah glared at her. "He's Amins best friend I can't marry him." She shook her head vigorously.

"And what's bad in it? Isn't he better than someone you don't know his character at all? At least you've known Khalid for a while now and you've known who he is. He's the right candidate for you right now."

Amirah reflected for a while. Farida's right. Even if she's to marry again which she detest, Khalid is the right one for her as he has personalities similar to Amin's. He's just so nice that she can't deny him the praise. But whenever the thought of marrying him graze her heart, she felt bitter and sad, because she can never love him.

Barrister farida stayed with her, chatting and inveigling her until zuhr time. They ate together and farida left with the assurance that she'll visit her again, and asked Amirah to call her the moment she decided what to do next.

In the night, after isha prayer, they had their little family gathering and discussed on their lives, but appa made sure not to speak on the scandal Amirah had got her self into, in order not to make things difficult for her.

When everyone had dispersed to his room, except kabir that went out of the house, Amirah trailed after appa to his room.

"Appa I want to talk to you." She said as she went into the room after him, and appa beckoned to her to sit down on his bed.

"What is it about?" He demanded, looking slightly towards her.

"Apps i want to apologise for what happened this morning, I'm really sorry for stirring such gossip."

"Is okay, I know who you are and I know what you can do and what you can't do. This is one of the things I trust you can never do, so forget about it and do be careful next time."

Amirah felt as if she's in cloud nine. Appa had calmed down, that means he'll withdraw the marriage thing. Oh, how she's grateful for barrister farida's advice. She never thought he'll calm down for all the world's pleadings. It looks so soon for her all-giant-on-his-word father to go back on his words. That means she don't have to consider getting married soon again. She didn't know that she was smiling until appa looked at her curiously.

"Is there anything again?" Appa queried, looking quizzically at her.

"Ernmm, appa about the marriage...."

"Yes I'm still on what I've said earlier." Appa cut sharply, and that made Amirah's remaining energy to wane away.

Her face coloured with confusion. How did she even believe appa will change his mind about that when she'd known him since her birth. She'd known him to be undaunted and carried his words along.

"Amirah you know me, I never go back on my words. When I say something, I mean it. And this thing I'm doing is for your own good." He paused and studied her critically.

How is it for her own good?!

"So now, you still have to choose, either you stay at home, or get married and move on with the company. I'm not forcing you to get married for anything but for your self-regard. If it's for me, you should stay till when you feel like getting married again, but this scandal had aroused people's suspicious eyes on you already. So the choice is yours."

Amirah drawled herself weakly out of his room to hers.

She has to make a decision!