If only it were that easy (draco malfoy 18+)

9 : "I can keep a secret if you can"

Authors note: smut warning :)

Back at the dorm it was warm and cosy and the seasonal smell of cinnamon filled your nose almost immediately as you stepped foot in Hogwarts. The air between you and Draco, however, did not have the same electric energy. You couldn't believe his behaviour, you couldn't believe he even entertained the idea of bringing you to his father, caring so little about your family and how this whole situation would impact you.

The iciness between you was evident as you sat down on the sofa, wrist cradled in your other hand and hot tears painting your cheeks lightly. Draco sat too, a little way down the chair, leaving no room for accidental touches or any exchanges of feeling. You didn't exactly want him to be close, but you couldn't explain the feeling. You just wish that this had never happened because now you weren't sure how to move forward.

Draco had gone to your room for you to collect your notes on healing spells and leaned over to remove your wand from your coat pocket, apologising profusely as he rushed around the dorm to your every need. The only request you had made which he blatantly ignored was to leave you the hell alone.

He continued spilling sorrys like a leaky tap and you soaked them in, trying your hardest to forgive but struggling to feel much tingling of warmth. Christmas may have been a time for forgiveness, but this may have been a bit too far. You did feel a little guilt for being angry, as if he had hurt you on purpose, but you wanted to allow yourself a moment to reflect on your own feeling without forgiving him immediately.

Recently it felt like you were forgiving him for this or that a lot, and maybe you didn't want to do that anymore. Maybe you wanted to hold a grudge, be angry at him for more than a moment after he apologises. If he is allowed then why aren't you.

It didn't take you long to heal your own wrist, it would've taken less time if you hadn't been constantly interrupted by Draco insisting he can do it himself, trying desperately to help. I don't need your help, you told him, look where it's gotten me up until now. He wavered at the point, knowing you were right, of course, but it didn't stop him from getting in the way and trying to help.

You felt slightly sorry for him as you watched him pander at you, desperately trying to get you to say those words I forgive you. It was pathetic really, the way he nibbled his lip, the one thousandth apology begging to leak off his tongue as you turned your head to look somewhere else, anywhere but at him.

"I don't wanna ask you again, Draco, just leave me be- I'm fine now" it was true, your wrist was good as new, clicking occasionally as you twisted it but there was no more pain, just some dodgy half hearted spell work, and more than anything now you wanted some time alone.

Actually no, you really didn't want to be alone. You felt like curling up into a ball and crying for hours, not in a great place to be abandoned with your own thoughts, but you wanted to be away from him. At this point you would do anything to be at home, hell you'd even take Christmas at Blaise's mothers house over this, but you weren't sure that you would like to write your feelings out in a letter to anyone who wanted to listen. You couldn't even say them aloud, let alone articulate them for your parents or friends.

"I don't feel right leaving you"

You bit your tongue to not shout at him- he doesn't feel right leaving you in the common room but hours earlier he felt right leaving you with his father to suffer merlin-knows-what at the hands of the alliance that don't call themselves an alliance. You knew that wasn't really fair, most likely he had never felt right doing it and that's why he didn't, but you were still angry.

"I don't have anything to say to you" you responded plainly, pulling your knees up to your chest for security.

"Then don't say anything, just let me-"