BNHA One Shots

I'm Afraid of Change: ShigarakixGN!Reader

TW: Suicidal Ideation/PTSD Symptoms (Flashbacks/Trauma responses)

I'm okay

It had been happening for awhile, everything you felt was boiling over no matter how hard you suppressed it. Any attempts to ignore it were useless. You masked it oddly well that no one even had a second thought about it. Even though Shigaraki knew something was wrong, he didn't ask because he couldn't figure out what was wrong. You'd think someone who was aware of so much would notice. Maybe he did. Maybe he didn't. Maybe he just didn't want to believe it.

It's going to be okay

He had been gone on mission after mission lately, only coming home late at night. By that time you'd let out a small cry or you'd screamed into a pillow. Whatever you needed to do to cope with the feelings and memories, were long done by time he slipped into bed. You were all too good at keeping it hidden from him, you weren't asleep when he got home but, it was better he didn't know either way.

I'm safe now

You'd always pushed it down as long as you can remember. You're whole life was a battle to forget. You tried forgiveness and you thought you had done that, but it was clear you just convinced yourself that you did. It used to be pure anger, rage, but while it is still there, the true damage seemed to be coming up finally. As if your body was refusing to let you forget, as a way to say face it and heal.

Just distract yourself

The anger used to be the main symptom, atleast one you were willing to admit to, but those emotions rushed up. Grating harshly in your chest, an agonizing burn that wouldn't let up. Yeah you knew you had some unsavory memories but most were suppressed for so long you starting believing that some were just nightmares. Which just made it even more frustrating.

I can't

It was just another night alone without your boyfriend, he wouldn't be home for awhile which gave you a chance. Maybe you could finally let it all out in time before he came home. It would be like nothing even happened. You could feel it. Release it. And move on.  This time though you felt something you've ignored for so long, no, you didn't even acknowledge it because then you'd have to actually admit something was wrong.

I can't do this anymore

That sensation that dismissed any rationality inside you, refusing to succumb to any logic. You couldn't cope like you usually would this time, whether healthy or unhealthy it would be difficult. You always told yourself it wasn't the right time. I'll get help when I'm ready. I'm just so busy I don't have time for anything but my responsibilities. Money is tight. Whatever the excuse it was always put off. Unfortunately though it was coming undone, the pain you felt bursting. The healing you pushed aside now needed more than ever.

They'll be happier this way

Through all these emotions somehow it snuck past you, or rather jumped at you. It was so vivid you could feel the body sensations during that memory. Your body shaking. How your body felt hot while also ice cold. The sound of your heart beat thundering in your ears. The silence only fueling the yelling in the moment. How you froze in place. No matter how hard you tried to move your body wouldn't let you. Acting on instinct to keep you alive.

No I can't. I promised him.

You knew it wasn't real and while yes it felt real, you knew you weren't there, but also didn't. Then it happened. Finally, you broke. Your sobs broke the silence. Shattering the atmosphere surrounding you. Any walls up were broke down instantly. Your sobs, which were more screams at this point, went deaf on your ears. Only the ringing sound came noticed by you. You knew you were likely screaming like a mother who just lost her child, but you couldn't stop. You didn't care anymore.