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ᴠɪᴇɴɴᴀ
Walking away from Sapnap was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I've had to do it twice.
Techno stood by my side as I watched as his shadow fall into the darkness, as he disappeared into the early dawn, maybe being the last thing I see of him. His back turned and walking away, never looking back.
"Let's go," I whispered, but taking no action to move, I still watch as the love of my life walks away, walks out of my life. Techno gently shakes me as a tear falls from my eye, I felt it drip down my face as I looked into his dark eyes.
"Let's go." He whispered, but once again, taking no action to move without my say so. I nod my head as he does his, and we start to leave Tubbo and Niki behind as the final stretch of the morning sun broke across the sky, we had to hurry back to Pogtopia before the sun fully rose.
After a while of walking and sneaking around, Technoblade and I found ourselves on the outskirts of Manburg without saying much of anything. We traveled in complete silence, only exception was when we signaled when someone was near and we had to stop, but that was it.
We traveled as every thought passed through my mind, each one containing one small scene with Sapnap in them, each one more important then the last.
I felt a burning in my heart, an anger in my soul, but no energy to look into the burning chasm in my body. I would not break right now, I would not break ever. I've been through too much to just break because I lost a man. I would not give into the cliché of the woman falling apart after losing her significant other.
No matter how significant he was to me..
I would not break.
"I need to make a stop."
♛
That stop ended up being in the middle of the woods, in a small shack with a ton of alcohol. The stop, ended up being three cases emptied into my bag. Alcohol weighs a lot more then I originally thought..
I stocked this place up before the war, thought it'd be funny if I just came here afterwards and drank away everything if it all went wrong.
And in a way, it did.
The shack wasn't much bigger then a small village house. One window beside the door (was horribly broken by the way), slanted roof and a small porch with a tarp over the roof to keep the insides safe from the elements. We walked up to the broken door, Techno saying he'd wait outside.
I took my time, not caring where we were supposed to be right now, not caring that we had some good information about Manberg and Jschlatt. I dumped three cases into my bag, and decided that I could manage with this, I take a bottle out of my bag.
Technoblade looked concerned, his body leaning outside the shack looking inside from the window. He watched as I backed away slowly from the shack door and locked it with a makeshift key I found under my bed a few years ago.
Technoblade started to say something, but me breaking the cap to my beer bottle stopped his train of thought. The lid flew off the small, brown bottle as I brought it to my lips, taking a large swig.
I felt the golden liquid run down my throat, leaving behind a bitter taste, a bad, bitter taste. I felt it trickledown into my stomach creating a warmth that could never be replicated, not even the embrace of a lover could replace this feeling. I cough and gag as I smile at the bottle.
"Taste like shit.." I say, taking another drink. Techno grimaces, but searched through my bag, pulling out his own bottle with easy hands.
He pops the cap with the edge of his tooth, and took a long drink, me following suit. We cough after the drink, but stupid smiles on our faces, though Techno winces when his drops.
I feel bad.
"You're right, taste like shit."
"But it helps forget shit!" I yell out, slightly sadly as I downed the rest of the bottle, Techno shakes his head while he sat down on the shack porch, beer bottle between his thighs. I flop down next to him, my feet swinging as I dug for a new bottle.
"Who was the guy back there?" Techno asks as I pop the lid on my second bottle. A physical pause in my actions, stopping me from downing the entire thing. I watched as his shadow walked away one last time on repeat like a broken record.
The outline of Sapnap's body engraved into my mind as I watched him, I fucking watched him walk away, again without doing anything to stop it!
And I get it, it was my fault! I told him to go, I told him that he couldn't change my mind, that I wouldn't leave. But in the back of my mind, I'd always know that was a fucking goddamn lie.
I bring the bottle all the way up to my lips. "His name is Sapnap," I whisper before taking a drink, looking up at the sky. The sun blinded me as it shone down its disapproving glare. I couldn't give two fucks if that damn ball of fire was judging me by getting drunk before midday.
Fuck him!
"You two were-" The man beside me continues, taking another drink of our drinks together, I answer with a slight crack in my tone.
"We were together for a while yes, but seeing the circumstances, I'm guess that is no longer my concern.." I trail off, finding the bark on a tree far more interesting then the conversation between us. Techno nods, hesitating before placing his hand on my shoulder. I tense up, but relax after a few seconds, slightly leaning into his touch.
"I- I'm sorry. About the whole- the whole thing, I mean.." I smile.
"Don't worry about it.. it was bound to happen at some point.." I replied with a small wave, signaling for him that it was fine, that I was fine.
