This frigging world is a whole load of bullcrap. And I just realised that I am the most foolish and stupid person stuck with these asshats. I just feel so grossed out and tired and helpless of all the bitching, ass licking, fake attitude, people asking favours and then forgetting you the next moment, people using you to no ends, that greedy inhuman shitty attitude, that horrible jealousies. I'm tired of being vulnerable and nice and the fucked up part is whenever I as much as want to be a bitch, karma slaps me so hard in the face. But the thing is why me!? Why not everyone who has been so cruel to me? Why me!?
I knew from a very young age and trust me on this one, my luck was rotten. The only lucky thing happened to me is my family, besides that, it's a shithole. But sometimes, I just want one real friend who won't compete with me, who understands me and maybe won't bitch about me behind my back. Be it an adult, an elderly or someone younger than me, everyone is pretty expert in playing others. It just fails me how can I be so stupid? How can I become so vulnerable with someone so easily? Am I a retard who just opens up with anyone who talks sweetly and ends up getting hurt over and over again and I'm so so so fucking tired. I am tired of my stupid self and I hate how naive I am. I just want someone real, just this once. I really wishbi could know the intentions of others. I wish I could shout to their faces, "BITCHES, YOU DON'T DESERVE EVEN AN EYE CONTACT WITH ME! Fuck off before I make your life a living hell." And oh how I wish I could make them suffer for all the hurt they gave me. But I'm weak and I can't hurt anyone and I hate it. I fucking hate this feeling!
It may sound haughty but it feels so horrible to be emotionally paralyzed, to be not be able to trust anyone and it's so tiring, keeping your guard up!!!
