Leap of Faith

Day Nineteen

*~*~* Cate *~*~*

I stare directly ahead and try to concentrate really hard on what the teacher is saying, but for the life of me, I don’t hear a word that passes her lips. It’s been like this for the last three periods, and I’m starting to give myself a headache. I’ve been walking around on autopilot throughout the morning and I’m on the verge of burning out.

I zone out again and my mind whirls back to yesterday. It had started out well enough, even if Sawyer and David woke me up far too early, and spending the day up in Napa with my family and TJ was pretty relaxing. It was just typical of me to go and ruin it all by having a panic attack.

I was used to having them in front of Anna and Sawyer had seen me break once or twice before, but having TJ around to see me fall apart… it’s no surprise that he’s been avoiding me all day. Did he seriously think that I hadn’t seen him turn around and run in the hallway?

“Cate?” The teacher’s voice calls out my name. I snap back to reality and focus my attention on the front of the class. “What’s the answer?”

“Uh, sixty-three?” I offer much to everyone’s amusement.

“Ok,” Miss Hardy says flightily. She claps her hands and smiles. “Someone else, then. Preferably someone who has been listening.”

I roll my eyes at her thinly veiled dig at me and went back to thinking about yesterday. The ride home had been awkward and TJ had sat as far away as possible from me until Sawyer dropped him home. Not once in the forty minutes’ drive after my panic attack had TJ spoken to me. I saw him check his cell nervously a few times, but he mainly sat there, biting on his nails while watching the scenery outside pass by.

He hadn’t even said goodbye when he got out of the car.

The bell for end of fourth period rang and I waited until the other students had left the class before I headed towards my locker. I punched in the combination, placed my books inside and took a deep breath before starting my way to the cafeteria. I didn’t have much of an appetite, but I knew that by the end of the day my stomach would be growling unless I gave it something to keep it occupied. There was nothing worse than sitting in class and have your stomach be so bored that it starts to sing off key.

I grab a small salad and an apple and pay for my lunch at the counter. The woman frowns down at me when she sees what I buy, but she rings up the total and points towards the swipe card machine. I take out my student ID and swipe it to pay, then pick up my food and scan the cafeteria.

As usual Georgie and Grey aren’t here, but TJ and his friends were sat at their table. Brewer and Zach were laughing at something Landon had said while Colton ate his pizza and studied a text book that was open in front of him. TJ, meanwhile, was leaning back in his chair and had his attention focused on nothing in particular. In fact, it looked as if he was staring off into space.

I contemplated heading over to join the boys but remembered how TJ had blanked me so easily yesterday when he realized that I was… what’s a good word? Defective? I sigh to myself and start to push my way through the crowd until I find my familiar table abandoned in the corner. I set myself in one of the chairs and pulled up another one so I could sit with my legs propped up. It was also a tactic that made it hard for others to come and sit next to me.