Leap of Faith

Day Twenty-Nine

*~*~* Cate *~*~*

I’m not a dream kind of girl. I love my sleep too much to have it interrupted by dreams, but last night, all I did was toss and turn in bed as I kept reliving that half an hour in the closet. Only, this wasn’t so much a dream but more a nightmare.

It started off perfectly fine, but by the fourth run of the dream-slash-nightmare, I was ready to wake myself up and cry. Slowly, I was losing my memory of Theo and it was terrifying. Before I could remember everything about him… the way he laughed, the way he smelled, the way his arms would hold me close to him… I could remember that all, before. Now, I could hardly remember any of it.

Was his laugh soft and sweet or gruff and gravelly?

Did he smell of coconut or mint?

Were his arms protective or stifling?

I should have remembered all the answers to those questions, but instead, piece by piece all my memories of Theo were being replaced. All I could think about was TJ, and how his laugh was deep and rumbling and honest. He smelt of grapefruit, which was both odd and alluring. His arms were always caring and safe, like nothing could ever hurt me just as long as I stayed there.

Even TJ’s voice was taking the place of Theo’s.

I woke up in a sweat with tears streaming down my cheeks. My heart rate was pulsing and I was shivering, a feeling of nausea creeping up to burn the back of my throat. I thrashed around on my bed until I realized that it had all been a nightmare. But then, the more I thought about it, the more my nightmare was becoming a reality.

I was forgetting Theo.

I rushed to the bathroom as I felt the burning sensation announce that I was about to be sick. I purged my stomach as I held my hair in my hands, the vile taste lingering in my mouth even after I was done being ill. I slowly got to my feet and shuffled towards the sink, splashing water on my face before I brushed my teeth and rinsed my mouth.

I returned to my bedroom and stood in the middle of the floor, not quite knowing what to do with myself. I grabbed my pillow and a blanket and carried them with me as I made my way down to the TV room.

When I was a kid and I couldn’t sleep, I would decamp to the TV room and just watch cheesy reruns of old shows that were popular in the 80s or 90s. I vividly remember watching Dynasty and getting so into it that I ended up convincing myself that I wanted to be Alexis Carrington when I grew up. My fascination with the 80s continued when I discovered The Love Boat, Dallas and Charlie’s Angels.

After my love for the 80s died down, I got into the 90s. The Wonder Years, Boy Meets world, Sabrina… The early 90s were amazingly horrific. The best show, however, was The Fresh Prince. Will Smith as a teen? And Carlton… how amazing was he as a TV character?

I hope The Fresh Prince is on. That would take my mind of things at four twenty am.