Leap of Faith

Day Twenty-Eight

*~*~* Cate *~*~*

I’m in love with TJ.

In a roundabout way, I told him so last night.

Ok, so I didn’t say ‘I love you’ but saying ‘you win’ is almost the same, right?

“What are you thinking about?” TJ asks from beside me where we sit on the window ledge near my locker.

“Huh?”

“You look far away,” he mentions. “I just wondered what was on your mind, that’s all.”

“Oh, nothing,” I swat the air with my hand. When I realize how ridiculous I look, I drop my hand into my lap and try not to make a bigger fool of myself. “I was just day dreaming.”

“About me?” TJ asks teasingly.

If only he knew. If only he had the faintest idea what he does to me. If only he knew that I’m in love with him. I should tell him.

I should…

I will.

I think.

Why is this so frustrating?

I shy away from TJ and rest my head against the window pane, shuffling into the corner of the window ledge and trying to put some distance between me and him. I’m not sure why I’m over thinking this, but I am.

It’s because you’re scared.

Scared? I wasn’t scared. I’m scared of social situations. I’m scared of bird, and insects and anything that flies. I’m scared of the dark on Halloween. I’m scared of being eaten alive by an Anaconda. I’m scared that one day I will die and it’ll all be because of gym class.

I am not scared of being in love.

I’m terrified.

Let’s face it. It’s not like I have the best track record, is it? First there was Adam… Actually, no. First there was Elliott Keating in kindergarten that kept running away from me whenever I suggested we play ‘Happy Family’ together. He would take one look at me and flee in the opposite direction. This would become a recurring theme in my childhood.

After Elliott, there was Noel Patterson. We were in seventh grade and it was ‘cool’ for kids to be ‘going out’ with each other. Noel asked me to be his girlfriend on Monday morning. By Tuesday recess, he’d dumped me and moved on to Cassidy Fillmore. Looking back, it’s probably a good thing that I avoided Noel Patterson. He grew up to be a jerk that spent most of his weekends boxing in underground fights and smoking weed.

After Noel, I had a crush on Hunter Collins. In junior high he was the best looking guy that had ever existed in the whole history of the world. He had that miniature version of Taylor Lautner going on. The New Moon version of Taylor Lautner, not the Twilight version. Anyway… Hunter Collins was hot. The only downside is the fact that he knew he was hot. There’s nothing more unattractive about a guy that knows how good looking he is.

Now, we can talk about Adam.

Well, there’s not really much to say. We were friends, I think. Then we were dating, I think. Then he cheated on me. This I know is true. Finally he broke up with me. If you had asked me at the time, I would have assured you that I had been in love with him, and that I had been utterly and irrevocably heartbroken when we spilt up. I cried for months. Months.

Then I met Theo.

Shall we talk about him? I guess, we kind of have to. I can’t really talk about my love life without mentioning the game changer, can I?