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Honestly things weren't good, you were in a daze. Some days were better than others but all in all you were struggling. You hadn't said anything to your boyfriend Jimi about it, how could you? Just go to bed one night and say, "Hey by the way, I feel like I'm living on another planet." No, you couldn't. He had enough on his mind, as long as you could smile everything would be fine.
Jimi had his own stress, he had albums, tours, and all the rest. There wasn't time to try and explain that you were floating through life, nothing seemed real, and nothing seemed to matter. It was hard, it was all so incredibly hard, and you were getting so tired.
You laid in bed, staring at the lights from outside bouncing on the ceiling. Jimi was working late recording, but to be honest you enjoyed being alone. You knew it was late as another car slowly drove by your apartment, it was eerily quiet outside except for the few people still on the road.
The door of your apartment closed gently as you heard who you assumed was Jimi come in. You didn't care to get up and see but you slowly pushed your body under the covers, maybe you'd pretend to be asleep by the time he came in.
No, that would be rude if he wanted to tell you about his day. He needed someone to vent to obviously who wasn't attached to his project. Soon enough Jimi came into the room, sitting on his end of the bed to take off his shoes. Kicking them to the wall, he began crawling into the bed. He was still in his day clothes as his corduroy pants rubbed lightly against your bare leg.
"Y/N baby what's the matter? I know something isn't right." Jimi asked, wrapping an arm around your waist.
With a sigh you tried to come up with something to say, "I can't explain it."
"Come on, you can tell me anything you know that."
"I know but I can't voice it okay?"
He tightened his grip around you, "We can go somewhere, escape all this maybe that will help."
Your eyes rolled so far back into your head you thought you could swallow them, "For fuck sake Jimi that's going to do nothing, why leave when I can feel like shit in my own damn home."
He didn't say anything, you could hear him inhale deeply probably thinking of something to say back to that.
"Every day I wake up and I think it'll be different but it's not, my brain just isnt fucking working anymore okay?? I'm a shell of who I used to be and I don't know what to do anymore so there! That's why I don't want to talk about."
You threw back the covers and stood up, walking out of the bedroom leaving Jimi with his mind spinning.
It was exhausting talking about how you felt, you couldn't gather the words in your mind to describe. It was a struggle just to get what you said out but you knew there was more to say. Jimi just wanted to help and you knew that but that didn't change anything.
Pulling your knees to your chest you sat on the couch, staring at the wall which was what you did regularly anyways.
Jimi stood in the doorway watching you, it pained him to see you like this. The light in your eyes was long gone and all he wanted to do was bring it back. He knew he couldn't fix you and he knew it would probably help if you weren't left alone so much but you had isolated yourself from so many of your friends.
"I miss how I used you to be." You whispered so quietly he almost didnt hear you.
Walking over to the couch, Jimi knelt in front of you and held onto your hands. "I know and I'm going to help you the best I can to get you back."
