Miss You More

Chapter 12

She made it into her car, before she broke down into tears. Her arms resting on the steering wheel and her face buried in her arms as she sobbed. She couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. It was like talking to a stranger.

Thank god her friend was arriving in the morning, she needed a friend right now.... For tonight, coffee, or a drink. Yes a drink was better. She drove back to Thomas' home, changed and then walked the three blocks to that Irish pub she'd gone to in the past.

I sat at the bar and a young man walked over to me," What'll it be ?" he asked in his Boston accent. One of the reasons I had liked Joe so much, was that sexy accent. 

I sighed," Whiskey. Straight," I said. I usually drank Whiskey and Cranberry, but tonight was whiskey night. I watched as the bartender poured whiskey into a glass tumbler for me and slid it across to me. I picked up the glass

I took a sip from the glass, letting the liquid go down my throat with a satisfying burn to take away the pain of being told I would forever remain the girlfriend if I stayed with him. Not even the live-in girlfriend, but just the girlfriend.

She sat at the bar and a young man walked over her.

" What'll it be?" he asked in his Boston accent. One of the reasons, she had liked Joe so much was that sexy accent. 

She sighed," Whiskey. Straight," she said. She usually drank Whiskey and Cranberry but tonight was a whiskey night. She watched as the bartender poured whiskey into a glass tumbler for her and slid it across to her. She picked the glass. She took a sip from it, letting the liquid go down her throat with a satisfying burn to take away the pain of being told she would forever remain the girlfriend if she stayed with him. Not even the live-in girlfriend, but just the girlfriend.

"So what happened that a beautiful girl like you has to drink whiskey?" he asked.

"Boyfriend doesn't want to get married at ever. Told me tonight after I've given him 12 years of my life." She downed the whiskey, emptying the glass, and pushed it towards him for more. " Everything I've is for him. He travels for work, fine I talk to him on the phone when he's not working. His Dad is sick, I give up my job and move here looking for another one. I must be the stupidest woman alive."

"Sounds like he's the stupid one... you do everything a girlfriend, who DESERVES to be a wife would do," he said.

" That's what I thought. I thought if I did everything possible to compromise because of his work schedule, be there, love him like no one else ever has that someday he'd take all that and buy the ring. Ask me to be his wife. Instead, he says he never wanted to have a married life and doesn't ever. Probably means he doesn't want kids either."

"Well, it sounds like a conversation that's minimum 11 years too late..." he said.

"I know. I was always too afraid to push him into talking about the future. I thought he'd bring it up himself," she said sadly.

"Well, I stick to him being the stupid one. So did you end it?" he asked.

"No," she said quietly," I still love him. I walked away but I didn't break up with him."

"Oh, well it sounds like you have a bigger conversation to have, and you need to figure out if you love him enough to give up the future you hoped for..." he smiled. Geez bartenders really were like therapists.

"Yeah. I suppose I do," she sighed. 

He refilled the tumbler, pushing it towards her," Don't let this solve all your problems. Let words solve them," He told her gently. 

" Words didn't work tonight. This is my friend tonight," she said picking up the glass and taking a long sip from it.

"I understand.... just be safe getting home okay?" he said, before going to serve a few others who straggled in.

I left the bar at some point in the evening, only to stop by the liquor store and buy myself a couple of bottles of Whiskey. I went back to Thomas's house and let my sorrows swim away in the alcohol. I drank and then cried my eyes out until I fell asleep in the living room. 

*** ****

The next morning I was very hungover but made it to the hospital at 7 am with shades on, covering my red puffy eyes. 

Joe was talking to Dr. Fershwan and spotted me. Dr. Fershwan went to prep for the surgery and I was standing there with my arms over my chest. "Ana, what the fuck are you hungover?" Joe asked her quietly. " I hate that word. I prefer to call it, suffering after a night of trauma," she said. "I needed you today here for me and you're fucking hungover!" he said angrily as Kate arrived.

"You needed me? you broke my heart a little last night. and I was trying to drown my pain, I am here aren't I?" ana snapped.

"I'm not doing this today," Joe said quietly," We will talk about us on a day that is not about Dad. Everything right now is about him, you should know better! I can't believe how selfish you've grown to become!" 

"Joey!" Kate said upset with him," Ana's a lot for you. How can you call her selfish?"

"Stay out of this Kate. I mean it," Joe said," This is between my girlfriend and me."

Ana just shook her head and went to sit beside Tom's bedside as he woke.

"Hey you," she smiled.

"Kate," he said.

"She is right outside, let me go get her for you," she smiled, and went to get Kate, and bring her in.

Kate went into the hospital room," Hi Daddy, "she said softly, taking his hand," How are you feeling?"

"Tired, confused, why am I here," he asked.

"Your heart needs help so today your doctor is going to put in a pacemaker," Kate explained gently.

"Oh, when did he decide that?" he asked.

"Last night Daddy. You've been getting confused a lot, which is a result of your congestive heart failure. We just want you well and healthy."

"Oh, alright sweetie," he said, with a nod, "I trust you.."

Kate smiled at him," The kids miss you, Daddy," she said. She had five kids.

"Oh, um yes, I am sure after surgery it will come back to me, I hope..." he said.

" I know it will," she said gently," I just wanted to know that they have been asking about you."

"Oh alright...." he smiled.

Joe walked into the room and didn't say anything to Anabella. He had taken a moment outside to try and calm down after his confrontation with her. He was still so mad at her for showing up hungover today, he couldn't even believe it. 

" Hi Dad," He said.

"Hello, um Tommy? you look different..." he said.

"It's Joey. Dad," he said quietly," Remember? I came to see you near the end of the tour? I told you that I was going to move back home."

"No, no I'm sorry...." he said, sadly.

"It's okay Dad. I still love you," he said feeling sad himself. His Dad was his favorite person. Him not knowing who he was, was killing him.

He felt Ana's hand rest over his shoulder.

He reached up putting one of his hands on top of hers. Right now, their fight didn't even seem to matter. He just wanted his Dad back, he sighed softly closing his eyes. She moved closer, wrapping her other arm around him, resting her chin against his shoulder. Somehow that small action brought him peace. He loved her so much and was so grateful he wasn't facing this with just his siblings by his side. As great as they were, it was Ana's love for him that got him through his days.