My Guardian Angel//Lams//Post Laurens Death

Chapter Twelve

Alexander Hamilton
I don't think I've ever been more anxious to go church before. It's been four months since the...events with Mrs. Reynolds. Currently, I'm attending mass with Philip and his fiancée, Theodosia Burr.

They hold hands and are shoulder-to-shoulder, acting just like me and Eliza when we first got engaged. Of course, considering Philip and Theo's young ages, they still had to finish their education and get reliable jobs in order to get married.

My two youngest sons, Alexander Jr and John, are with us, John in Eliza's arms. Angelica, my second oldest, is skipping along the sidewalk, questioning Theo.

"They're so adorable," Eliza says to me as we walk. "Don't you think Alexander?"

I smile. "I might not agree with her father, but I do agree with her being with Philip."

"Oh my goodness," Eliza continues dramatically. "My husband, Alexander Hamilton, doesn't let his political opinions get in the way? My, you truly have changed."

"It happens every once and a while." I say, shrugging.

Eliza smiles and her black eyes light up in happiness. The warm sun compliments the loose ponytail her hair is styled in. She wears a blue dress, the one she always wears to church.

I'm quiet most of the way, enjoying the pure happiness that covered my family (and future family). To be fair, I'm mostly listening to the questions Angelica is asking Theo.

"What is your dream job?" she asked Burr's daughter.

"I've always been interested in science," replies Theo. "If only I could get a job."

"'We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal'. I believe this to be true." Angelica explains. "Do you have any core beliefs?"

Theo shrugs. "My father has always tried to engage me in politics, but it's not really that exciting."

"Agree to disagree, future Mrs. Hamilton."

Philip whispers something that makes both his sister and Theo start giggling uncontrollably. It escalates to laughing. I exchange a glance with Eliza, who's smiling.

"I remember when we used to be like that." she says wistfully.

"What, laughing and dancing around like there wasn't a care in the world?" I ask.

Eliza blinks at me. "Yes. You were so happy then."

She doesn't say anything more. I don't blame her. It doesn't make any progress to dwell on the past. Which is funny to think about because I do it way too much. I just can't go a single day without thinking about him, can I? Like he's permanently stuck in my head, no matter how many times I try to push him to the back. He always bounces back. 

When we arrive at the church, it's really more of a large chapel. I've seen bigger ones, but it's the best America can afford this time around. I should know, me being busy with sorting out our financial debt every day. Philip and Theo stopped at the front of the door, looked up at the cross, and folded their hands in prayer. Eliza, Angelica, Alexander Jr, and John also do it. My youngest sons do seem to slightly understand. 

I refrain from it. I do pray, but I'm not a fan of people watching me. I like being in private space to do it, so I can tell God what I want to aloud. I only go to church because Eliza really wants me to, and it's customary. 

I'm spaced out most of the time during church. I try to listen, but my mind goes to the...Maria Reynolds situation. Nobody has found except for Burr, the Vice President, Thomas Jefferson, and James Madison. They vowed not to tell anyone. Well...Jefferson and Madison did. I'm not sure about Burr. He's not someone I would say is trustworthy.