Insiders

Hunted

Thoughts of you intoxicates every fibre of my being.
It takes control of every inch of me.
Sending my mind off a deep rollercoaster,
Of things that maybe could have been.

I think about you in nearly everything I do.
It pisses me off because I know you don't think of me too.

When I think about how much I like you effortlessly,
It makes me want to punk.
How could someone be so imperfectly perfect?
How could you do this to me?
You did not even do anything and you got me tripping over you.

The mention of you alone sends me smiling and upset all at the same time.
How could someone have this much control over me so effortlessly?

I know you do not understand what I am expressing.
But the truth is,
It is a problem.

Please explain how our interactions have only been platonic and I feel a deep spiritual connection to you.

Like in another life I was the one that you were supposed to find.
Hoping and wishing it could be this one.

And don't get me wrong I've prayed.
So intentionally that your thought would get out of my mind.
But it's like God decided to play a cruel joke on me cause instead every little thing reminds me of you.

Like isn't it bad enough that him not liking me is not reason enough for me to stop liking him?
But the Almighty too decides that it's a good idea for me to see reminders of you in everything I do.

Like, remember that time I offer you some Carmel rice cakes on the train?
Well, now I cannot go to Aldi without smiling at the thought of you.

And remember that time we were walking and the bird pooed on you?
Well, now I hate birds way more than I used to.

Oh yeah and that time I entered that train and you offered me the seat beside you?
Well, now every time I get on the train I hope you are on it too.

And remember that time I hugged you at that Christmas party,
Well, now hugs just do not feel the same.

It seems like most of our interactions were on the train.
How ironic of me to live right beside a train station?

I've been thinking about you for days now.
Honestly, that's the reason I had to remove you from snapchat.
I knew that if I had you on it I couldn't help myself but think about you and post with the hope of you seeing it.

I was watching a movie the other day and I could not get over the fact that the lead actor Somto Cody looked so much like you.
I did not enjoy the movie btw.

Honestly, it seems like every other guy is being compared to you and I do not understand why.
Like you intrigue me but like what's honestly so special about you that your thoughts hunt my mind day and night?

Like what really is it about you that makes it seem like you can do no wrong in my eyes?
Really what is it about you that makes every other guy seem beneath you?

I promise you I am not a stalker.
Honestly, it felt like you were following me.

Like I know Ireland is small but what are the chances that that 14/15-year-old boy I met and had a little crush on would be the man I borderline obsessed over years later.

What is a little weird is our star signs do not even match,
Like you are a Leo and I pieces.
You like the finer things, I like fine art.
You enjoy the spotlight, I enjoy the peace and quiet.
You like a night out, I am a certified homebody.

Even with all these glitches, I realise that it's you and only you for me.
I really hate to admit that.
And it scares me because if it's not you, I am afraid no one else will do.
That really scares me.

You may think I'm a little mad but I believe in destiny, signs and God.
And shock, all three keep pointing me to you.

Remember that day we did the speed dating.
I was praying that you would be there.
When you walked in something light up inside of me.

I was cheesing from ear to ear and even my girl Sammy could see it.
You sat so far away and I was hoping that I would get a chance to speak with you.

Low and behold you were the second last person I got to speak to and I was like if you sat two seats further I would not have gotten to speak to you.

When you opened your mouth to say my name,
I cannot lie, I was a bit shock.
Like I knew you remembered me but because we never really spoke,
I assumed you did not know my name.

Honestly, I cannot remember what we spoke about but I could not take my eyes off you.
It was as if we were the only two in the room.

Also, there was the time that you came to the purpose and I was a bit shocked but glad.

I will not continue describing all our encounters but I deeped each and every one.

I do not understand why I feel like this because you have done nothing to affirm or encouraged my feeling.

Honestly, I just want to be free of these emotions.
I know you will make a beautiful, intelligent and well-deserving young woman happy.
Only time will tell if that will be me.

This is just an expression for me.
My emotions were consuming me and I had to release.

FYI I still like you.
I wish you did something to hurt me or make me hate you cause then I would be easier.
But you are to damn nice and I don't usually like nice but it works for you.

All in all,
What I am trying to say is,
Just know you hunt me.
-MissB 24/10/2020