The Other Half On The Second Floor

Chapter Twelve

Nanase Takahashi. A fourteen year old who was told to be dead no too long before graduation. I knew that much about what happened to Nanase, but not what actually caused him to do such an act. The thought of it being my fault that he was gone haunted me. And it still did at times, even if I had moved on.

"You really want to know, huh? Well I'll tell you." the twin of my old boyfriend said. I was finally going to find out what happened.

"Well, you probably knew this better than anyone. But Nanase tended to get upset over nothing. In other words, he wasn't any angel." He begins twiddling his food with the chopsticks. "But the reason why was because of his clinical depression. He was diagnosed a few weeks before his death."

"Clinical...depression?" I couldn't believe my ears. I had a feeling that maybe Nanase wasn't doing so well, but to be diagnosed...why did I not try talking to him? Why did I let him suffer alone?

"Yeah, you see, along with him losing interest in anything he used to love, he started treating people differently. He would get mad impulsively and push people away." There was a slight crack in his voice when he uttered these words, "Snow Country was the only thing he loved still. It was the only thing that gave me hope that one day he'd be okay again."

This book, this very book that was given to me by Nanase's family was their last hope that he'd be okay again? "I'm so selfish"

He turns to me, "What?"

I set my food down as I had lost my appetite during the conversation, "This whole time, I thought that I was the reason he did what he did. I thought it was my fault. It wasn't me. I'm so selfish to think that I was the reason why he took his own life."

"Not really. It's understandable. But that book was the one thing material wise that he still loved, do you know why he didn't want to tell you about his illness and his suffering?"

My first thought was because he couldn't. When you struggle the way he did, how can you tell someone such a thing? "He couldn't?"

"No, it was because he loved you, Eiichi. He believed that by telling you, he'd be dragging you along with his pain and struggle."

"Dragging me..?" I didn't feel pain, sadness, or even anger. I just felt numbed by those words. "I would've been okay to be 'dragged' if it meant helping him in any way."

"I know you feel that way, but understand that it was just a little more bearable knowing he wasn't harming you."

A little more bearable, huh? I think back to my last conversation with Nanase and the words that were said. I no longer felt numb, instead, a feeling of despair was born. If only i'd known. if only i'd realized how hurt he was, my last words to him wouldn't have been that i didn't care. My last words would've been I'm sorry.