The Other Half On The Second Floor

Chapter Twenty-Three

I could hear humming early in the morning. I fixed my hair just enough for it to look neat, I ran my fingers through my light hair and shook my head. The humming became louder almost as if it was now approaching me. Not too long after, I hear a knock on the bathroom door, my father. "Kaito, where are you going this time?"

His eye bags hinted he hadn't slept and his breath reeked of alcohol. "Meeting up with someone. Do you need anything?"

"No. If anything i'll ask your sisters."

"They're at practice though, it probably isn't best to disturb-" I was disrupted by a loud thump on the wall behind me. His voice grew louder and his mood had completely changed in the blink of an eye. "You do not tell me who I can ask for things and I can not!" He pants lightly, "Idiotic brat."

I don't respond, I learned at a young age not to say another word when father had grown upset. Looking at him was like looking at myself almost. At times, I feared I would grow old only to become a spitting image of him. My fists clenched at this thought. I tell myself I'm better than the old hag, but now, I doubt it. Especially with how I was with Eiichi and Akiyama. I can't grow to become like the unenjoyable father that despised almost everything. Not to Eiichi at the very least.

So, I had decided on my own terms to speak with Akiyama.

—- ♡ —-

A day prior to the hangout we planned when it all fell apart. Eiichi has created a groupchat with the three of us. Thanks to it, I had Akiyama's contact information. I was surprised at how easily he had agreed to meeting me considering what happened and what cruel things I had said about his brother. I thanked him as graciously as I possibly could over messages and today was when we were meeting at the arranged time. My stomach twisted when I thought of all the different ways today could turn out. If today went well, I would've fixed my problems with both Eiichi and Akiyama. But, if today went horribly wrong, who knows what'll happen.

I headed for the door, as I do, I caught a glimpse of my wasted father. The sight of him sitting on the brown couch, with his eyes hardly opened, severed as a reminder that I had to fix things.

Eiichi still hadn't reached back out. I left message after message because of my concern of his state, considering how ill he looked when I had gone to apologize to him. But nothing. Nothing  from him nor his sister, I was left to hope he was okay.

The chilly air softly hit my skin, it tickled my neck oh so slightly. It felt good, yet it burned me. Over and over did the air hit my skin in the same area, and while it made me ache, it gave me a sense of relief. Kind of, like a high. You know it's bad for you, yet you can't help but ask for more. When I arrived at a small cafe with the words Sakura Goods engraved at the very top, it reminded me of the very first time Eiichi and I had gone out. Not only did my neck burn, but now my chest of pure guilt. My head turns left and right, looking around for Akiyama. I spot him sipping a cup of hot chocolate, quickly pulling away as soon as his mouth reaches the cup, wincing in pain from the heat. I breathe in, my lungs feel the same high as my neck did.

"Akiyama.. You're early."

"I know, I didn't have anything else to do so I thought being here a few minutes earlier wouldn't hurt." He places his cup down. "Do you want me to call the waiter over so they can get something for you?"

"It's quite alright, I'm full from breakfast. Thank you though."

He chuckles lightly, "Come to a cafe and not even order something?"

I laugh along at myself to lighten the mood. Although I found no humor in what I said. "Listen.. About the other day. I didn't mean any of the words I said." I pause for a split second. I attempted to recollect my thoughts, yet my mind went empty. "I.. was just upset."

"Upset..? At what though?"

Upset. When I said it to myself to describe how I felt that day, it made sense to me. But when I repeated it, except out loud, I no longer understood why I chose that word out of the millions there were. Why was I upset? Who was I upset at? I couldn't find an answer to such a simple question, that in actuality had many different answers, that was true. If that was the case, why did I say upset? Was the correct word paranoid? No. I was far from paranoid.

"At myself. For not learning what I should have the first time." High. Usually used in the context of drugs, or other illegal substances. Not for me. I got a high from cold, spine-chilling air, because it gave me the same pain inside and out that she had given me, the pain I became addicted to yet despised. It burned and perhaps maybe even made me ache, but it became such a part of me, that I was numbed by it and enjoyed it. "I.. lost a part of me a while ago. And I kept telling myself I was over it and that I learned, but I hadn't. I changed, sure, but not in the way I was intended to."