49

-forty six-

After an hour of just staring at my phones lock screen, I type in my password.

I first look at all of the texts from Asher.

I text him back a simple 'hi'.

He responds instantly with an 'are you okay??'

At first I type 'yeah' but then I delete it.

I'm not okay.

But he doesn't need to know that.

No, I am okay.

I'm not in the hospital.

Well, I'm not a patient.

I'm okay.

Well, physically.

I type back 'physically I am okay'.

He instantly responds back with 'that's not what I meant.'

I type back 'I know'.

'Do you want me to come down there??' He asks.

'No' I reply.

I want to be alone.

To sit and drown in my grief.

Yeah, that sounds like a good plan.

'You better not be planning to drown in your grief, cause I'm not gonna let that happen.' He replies.

'You can't stop me.' I type.

I over my finger over the send button.

That would kind of be a rude thing to say.

Then I press send.

I don't want him to stop me.

I'm just so tired.

Tired of struggling to stay above the surface.

I want to drown in my grief.

I don't want to have the constant job of staying above the water.

I don't want to fight it anymore.

I don't want to.