Walls Surrounding his Heart {|Eruri|}

8

"I have nightmares." Levi admitted, leaning back on Erwin's sofa. "Very vivid ones." 

The pair, consisting of the commander and captain, were talking in Erwin's office-space. Levi decided to share the reasoning behind his outburst in the courtyard, since there was no way of excusing something like that. If there was one person within the walls he trusted with his unsavory backstory, it was Erwin Smith. 

"I had one not too long ago that you lost your arm and bled to death, all because I had missed a freak. I think it was a 15 meter..." Levi summarized. "Seeing you injured in the same spot, clutching your arm in the same way you did in my dream... you could say it... triggered my fight or flight in a way." 

"Levi... You should have told me sooner." Erwin replied, narrowing his sights. "It's much better to get things off of your chest compared to bottling them up." 

"Talk to me, Levi." 

Levi gazed woefully upon his bony hands. No matter how thoroughly he washed them, he could still see the blood of those who came before him wrapping his palms. The captain decided to do as Ewin had suggested. Levi would speak for once in his life. 

"You've seen and caused so many more deaths than I have." Levi whispered. "How can you be unaffected by all their spilt blood?" 

"Where is this coming from?" Erwin questioned, raising a brow curiously. 

"When I met first met you, the first thing I noticed were your eyes." Levi began, leaning his head on his hand, supporting it's weight.

 "They were that of a man who had seen death, been through hell are more, yet still stood strong despite the pain." 

"They have not changed one bit." Levi mumbled to himself quietly. 

"What thought I had seen were the orbs of a monster; someone who had lead countless soldiers to their agonizing demies without a second thought." Levi furrowed his eyebrows in agitation. "I was wrong to think I saw you."

"What I was seeing in your eyes, was my own reflection." 

Levi smiled, an expression unseen by Erwin in all the years they had known one another. Erwin was about to speak up, when the captain continued on with his spiel.  

"The first time I saw the sky, it was alongside you." Levi reminded. "You stood, staring onwards, explaining to me what life above was like." 

"That was the first time I realized how filthy I was." 

"You had shared your past with me, and while you did, all I could think of was mine. You had lost your parents at a young age, and I had as well."

"Your father died unjustly, all in hopes that the curiosity he planted in you bloomed into something that would help humanity. Something that would help all of us..." 

Levi paused momentarily, pressing his lips against each other before continuing. 

"My mother died after fucking one to many perverts, succumbing to whatever disease they had given her. I held her hand as I watched the life drain out of her body." 

"I'm sorry, she told me the days she came home drunk, whipping me with whatever shit she could find. I love you, she said after stabbing my leg in rage as I slept." 

"Live for me, she spoke after taking one last breath." Levi scowled. "I resent that hypocrite. I bet she just wanted a shot at getting into heaven..." 

"You of all people know what I did to get by down there." Levi raised a brow, directing the sentence to Erwin. "Killed my first man at 8, and he was far from the last one."