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Amnesia

Over the next few weeks most of my time was spent at my cliff. Yes, my cliff. As far as I'm concerned it belongs to me. It was where I went to escape the madness that is amnesia. I had yet to figure out my name. Sadie decided to stick with "crazy bitch" while Carter called me "g" short for guest. We had stopped at a store to buy me clothing last week and the cashier thought she recognized me. I brushed it off when she said I couldn't be who she was thinking of. I bought a couple pairs of leather pants and skinny jeans along with, some tshirts, flannels, a pair of vans and some Raybans with the two grand I found in an inside pocket of my leather jacket. It seemed like a ridiculous amount of money to carry around, but I chose not to question it.

Carter had an old acoustic guitar and the second I layed eyes on it something clicked. Holding it felt like the most natural thing in the world and brought me comfort where I felt out of place. I figured I could play by the callouses on my finger tips and sure enough random strumming quickly turned into a seemingly familiar melody as my hands had a mind of their own.

Sitting on that cliff, in a place I didn't know, playing a song I couldn't remember, still wondering what my goddamn name was... I felt so lost. I sighed heavily and set the guitar aside. I pulled out the photo from my pocket and stared at the girl. I felt as if a shadow was cast over my memory and she was the light to shine through the dark. The longer I looked, the angrier I got. I pulled out a cigarette and lit it. The effect was immediate. As I inhaled, a calming sensation washed over me. I blew smoke out into the night sky and stared up at that stars wondering if she ever did the same.

. . .

"Selena."

"What?" Came my muffled response from where my head was currently buried in a pillow.

"Get out of bed."

"No." I said defiantly and attempted to retreat further into the sheets.

"Yes." The voice argued.

"There's no point."

"Look, Sel, it's been six months." The voice tried, softer this time.

Six months.

Six months.

Six.

Months.

She's officially been gone for half a year.

I lay on her side of the bed, in her acdc shirt, clutching at her pillow and crying. That's been my life for the past six months. I can't function not knowing where she is or what happened to her. I feel hollow and completely unattached from reality. I'm lost and without her I'll never find my way back.

Taylor sat on the bed facing me and stroked my hair. I batted at her hand. "Go away. Leave me alone. I just want to be alone." I told her as my voice cracked and a fresh batch of tears begin to cascade down my face.

"Oh honey." She cooed and attempted to hug me only to have me push her away. She was adamant though and continued to hold me while I struggled. Eventually I caved and fell limp in her arms. She proceeded to whisper words of assurance to me. "It's ok. She'll be ok." She reassured me. "What if she's not!?!" I cried. "What if she isn't ok? What if she never comes back Tay? I don't know how to live without her!" I continued to cry helplessly.

"You have to have faith."

"What if she found someone else? W-what if sh-she d-doesn't l-lo-ve me a-any m-more?" I continued to ignore Taylor and think of the worst case scenarios.

"Stop. Just stop. You're being ridiculous. You and I both know that would never happen. That girl loves you more than I ever thought was possible to love another human being. Her entire fucking universe revolves around you and it's been that way since you were kids. Don't doubt her devotion and don't sell yourself short either." She lectured me.