Before You Leave

34. Let Me Take the Wheel

I drew Alexei twice more over the weekend. Once as he was sipping his coffee, and one when we were driving. The roads were a little iced up, but he has driving pretty slow, actually.

I titled the drawings. The one of him sleeping was called 'The Angel'. The one of him drinking coffee was 'Gorgeous Morning'. And the one of him driving was 'James Dean'.

"Thank you," I say. "For taking me this weekend. You really didn't have to. Especially not after all of our bickering in practice."

"Bickering or not, you were in need."

I didn't let myself think about it, but of course, Alexei said what I was thinking. "Which is more than I could say for your precious Andrews."

I gulped and looked at the road from my side of the car. Do not cry.

"He couldn't get over himself," he continued.

I shed a tear, my throat closing. I opened my mouth, but a sob, a gross one, came out of me.

I could hear him shift as he cursed quietly. "Are you crying?"

"No." My voice broke on the word as tears poured down my face.

"Shit, Juliette, I didn't mean to make you cry."

We swerved a bit and I jerked toward in my seat, but the car kept swiping back and forth due to the ice.

"Pull over!" I yelled, bracing my hands on the dash.

He did as I said, stopping the car in an abandoned parking lot.

"Crap. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Let me take the wheel," I say, my voice shaky as I wiped at my eyes and unbuckled my seatbelt.

"Julia, you're crying—"

"I got it. Let me take the wheel."

He sighed heavily as he unbuckled his seatbelt, too and climbed out of the car. We switched positions hastily and I braced my hands on the wheel of the car.

"I didn't mean to make you cry," he says softly.

"I know." I wiped my eyes again and sniffed once. "But you're right."

"I wish I wasn't," he muttered.

"What does that mean?"

"It means I am sorry that he has caused you pain."

It's not like I wasn't causing him pain by lying to him... by acting moody.

"I thought you hated me."

"I do hate you," he admits, but it doesn't sound sincere. "But I wouldn't wish you harm."

I laughed and it sounded off do to my crying. "I hate you, too. Don't worry."

He chuckled from beside me as I started the car again.

"You should sleep," I say. "We still have three more hours to go."

He nodded and laid down as I backed out of the parking spot.

And I didn't let myself think of Gideon again for the rest of the drive.

——————

I shook Alexei by his shoulders. "Lexi." I shook him again. And again. And again.

He finally woke up, swatting my hands away. "What?" He mumbled.

"We're at Birchwood," I sigh. "I have to go. Can you make it back to your apartment?"

He yawned as he sat up and nodded. "Yeah, I'll make it." He looked at me, his green eyes boring into mine. "You sure you wanna stay here?"

I sighed. "Gotta see Gideon sometime, right?"

He chuckled as I hopped out the car. He scooted over so he didn't have to get out. "Goodbye, Julia," he says to me.

"Later."

"By the way," he calls as he starts up the car once more. "I like the nickname you gave me."

And then he pulled out of the drive. I blinked. I didn't even realized I had given him one until I recalled just a minute earlier that I had called him Lexi.

When I got back to the dorm, I was immediately picked up and spun around in a tight squeeze.

I patted Gideon on the back as he sat me down. "I was so worried about you. How did you get to your dads?"

"I took the bus." I play with my necklace. "A lot of buses."

"How was it?" He asked.

"It was fine. I hung out with my dad and his new girlfriend."

"That must be killing you. I should have been there—"

"I'm fine, and yeah, you should have. But you were too petty to join me for Christmas," I say, putting my hands on my hips. "Do you know how ridiculous that is? That you couldn't set aside our silly fight for a few days just so celebrate Christmas with my family?" I scoffed. "I went to your house for Thanksgiving and you couldn't come to mine for Christmas. It's stupid, Gideon! We have one fight and you're dysfunctional."

"You've been so secretive lately," he tells me. "I can't even look at you without thinking about what you could have been doing without me."

"What do you possibly think I could have done? I'm not cheating on you, if that's what you think. And if you do think that, you must not trust me."

"I don't trust you," he admits in a low whisper. "You've given me no reason to."

"How about love?" I remind him. "I love you and respect you enough to not cheat on you, how about that?"

"Then tell me where you were."

"I don't have to tell you anything, Gideon!" I yell.

I sighed, closing my eyes and counting to five before walking up to him slowly and putting my hands on both sides of his face and looking up into his icy blue eyes. "I love you, Gideon," I whisper. "But I need you to trust me." I swallow. "And when I ask you to be there for me, don't let some stupid argument get in the way because I needed you that weekend." Instead of having him, I had to talk to Alexei.

"I love you, too. And I'm trying to trust you. It's just killing me not knowing where you were."

"I wasn't lying," I sigh. "I was with my coach that night, but I don't want you to blow it out of proportion. I was with my coach and that was it. I tried to tell you but you didn't believe me."

My stomach knotted from lying.

"I'm— I'm sorry," he says, interlacing his fingers behind my back as he pressed me to him.

We kissed for a few seconds before pulling away.

When would the lies end?