Blood Burden

« Chapter Eleven »

She waited impatiently for them to wake. 

Just above the treeline, she could see the pale pastel colors that grew vibrant with every passing second. During the night, the fog had lifted and the skies cleared of the heavy clouds. Bright blue sky peaked down on her, tiny little white clouds flitting from west to north, following the jetstream across the world. She wished she could be like the clouds, just disappear at any given moment, and dance across the sky without care. 

Another impatient sigh escaped her. She pushed herself up into a sitting position and cocked her head towards the sleeping group. For just a moment, she allowed herself to see them. Really see them. She didn't think of the hate she felt, she didn't even let her feelings get involved. It was just a mindless thought that consumed her as she watched their resting faces. 

Eleven, in total. She and Fabian made thirteen. They were a rather tiny pack, broken around the edges and bruised with reality, but their chests all fell and rose with life. Bodies that refused to give up, just like her own. She hadn't even bothered to learn their names, it wouldn't benefit her, but as she watched the sleeping children she decided she would like to know them. 

However, she had no idea how to interact with them. Years of abuse and isolation from the pack stole her socialization skills. She only knew how to be invisible, mute, and obedient. Don't be seen, don't make eye contact. By killing for the Alpha title, she would inherently have to develop those skills. Maybe it was like when she interacted with Fabian. But, she knew it wasn't quite. 

Yesterday she had absentmindedly listened to the mothers hushing their children. They used kind words, gentle tones, and soothing gestures. She didn't know any of that. Those children responded best to a calm environment, not one of chaos and unknown, and she felt like she was the epitome of that. She didn't know herself, so how could they? 

Her eyes stilled at the sight of Fabian's mother. She had never seen much of the little old lady. There was a gentleness upon her face, however, lined with wrinkles of age and worry. Silvery hair mixed with dirty blonde and she could see where Fabian inherited his blonde hair and high cheekbones. Somehow, she didn't subject Fabian's mother to her hatred. Never once had harm been inflicted by Fabian's mother but never once had she intervened. She didn't know how to feel about that. 

She briefly glanced over the features of the other mothers. Younger, more fretful lines under their eyes, and they clutched their children in their sleep. A subconscious fear, she supposed. There were also young females without children, some of them had scars from training, and others had flawless complexions. She envied the seven females of the group, they only had a normal life to worry about, regardless of this little unexpected event. 

Next, she glanced at the men. Four of them. Their features were hardened, as were their bodies, and they slept with twitches and flinches. She wondered what they dreamed of, if anything at all. But, she didn't feel as at ease around them. Men could always inflict more harm than women. Typically, her abuse was only dealt by men. They had anger issues, much more strength, and easily triggered. Alpha Drake was a perfect example. 

She tore her eyes away. There was no denying she had a subconscious fear of men. They were superior in every way. As if the moon goddess favored them over females. Why were Alphas of only the male species? Why were female Alphas looked down upon? 

She only ever heard of one female wolf claiming the Alpha title and honoring it. She wasn't quite sure of her name but she knew the female Alpha lived way up north. There was no word of female Alphas in the East and yet here she was. Forced into it but an Alpha nonetheless. She knew other packs would think horribly of it. Even her own pack, they were probably disgusted. Their constant questioning of her choices only provided proof of it.