Blood Burden

« Chapter Thirty »

She felt more conflicted with every ticking minute. 

Maybe it was the atmosphere of Aloysius, it clashed with what she felt inside, and she didn't want to deal with that whole new turmoil. Or maybe it was the mate bond making her steal glances at her mate every five seconds. Either way, she felt extremely overwhelmed and she wanted to get away from it all. She needed silence. She craved familiarity to deal with her problems alone. 

But she knew that wouldn't be a good representation of her pack. She watched Andy running around with Calvin, there was another little boy with a golden head of hair chasing after them. They were so happy and more little kids ran with them, their cheerful laughter only adding to the chatter of everyone else. She noticed other pregnant women and older members watching from porches nearby. Everyone was smiling, except her. 

Deikota was extremely patient with her lack of verbal responses as she was introduced to some of the members of Aloysius. She met Darren first, he was the pack Healer, and he made her feel extremely exposed. There was intelligence in his eyes and he seemed to know exactly what was going on inside but he didn't comment on it. She then met the Gamma of Aloysius, Emmett, and it was then she realized that Cassius was the Beta. 

She hated how everything seemed to remind her of Fabian and she felt even worse that he couldn't be here to experience this. She could almost see him, standing with the members of Aloysius, carrying on a conversation. He was always a natural with people, while she felt like an outsider. Especially since she felt so displaced with herself and she didn't want anyone to see her that way. 

She was introduced to Beth and she quickly realized how alike Deikota and Beth were. They both had boys for their first pregnancy but now Beth was having a girl, seven months along, and Deikota was extremely jealous. Their due dates were at the same time. She remembered Deikota joking about always being surrounded by boys and she was now realizing how truthful it was. Briefly, she met some of the warriors, including a young one named Eli, but she shied away from them. 

Unconsciously, she still feared males and their capability to harm her. It was always the men who could inflict the most physical damage and she hadn't gotten over the instinctual response to place distance between them. She was almost relieved when Deikota led her over to the other pregnant females and they all chattered with excitement about due dates, baking, and their children; while she just listened idly. 

Slowly, she felt more and more displaced. She couldn't strike up a conversation with any of them, she could hardly hold eye contact for more than a minute without her skin crawling uncomfortably. She would answer any questions directed her way but they were always short responses. They noticed how she seemed closed off but she didn't bother to change that. 

She had everything planned out up until this moment and now everything was disrupted. She wasn't expecting to find her mate, let alone the Beta to the Alpha King. She would be a Beta Female. That thought churned her stomach even more. Why did it hurt so much? She hated how cruel life could be and she wanted to know if any of this suffering amounted to anything. 

Maybe it was all just a curse. 

Everyone else had believed she was born cursed but these people didn't look at her that way. She had to admit, she didn't see malice in their eyes. She didn't feel indescribable fear creeping up her spine when someone looked her way, their gazes were just filled with curiosity, and she realized she would become a big deal now that Cassius was her mate. There would be more eyes on her, waiting for her to break, trying to figure out her secrets, and that scared her. 

She wanted to run. 

Cassius must have noticed her discomfort or perhaps he had sensed it over the mate bond that faintly connected them. She was almost frightened to let him touch her skin, the mate bond would grow, and what if he got scared? What if he felt what she felt? The only person she could truly have a chance to be happy with would turn their back on her. She couldn't take another hit like that. She was bleeding on people who didn't cut her. 

"Ladies," Cassius chimed in, the pregnant females all playfully rolled their eyes, "Do you mind if I steal Valencia? I've only seen her for a second since Kota swept her away." 

Deikota huffed, "You guys had a whole ten minutes to stare into each other's eyes! And then you were busy with the guys, so I had to save poor Val from feeling left out," Deikota then waved her hand, "Alright, yeah, I suppose, only if you bring her back for dinner."

"I promise," Cassius winked, and then he turned to her with a softer voice, "Would you like to get out of here?" 

She gulped and then slowly nodded. How easily was he reading her? She thought she was closed off pretty good but maybe her anxiety was creeping through. Maybe all these thoughts were messing her up. Focus, she told herself, stay in control. Her wolf huffed, obviously wanting to let their mate know everything. Her wolf fully trusted their mate. She was the only one with trust issues at the moment. 

Cassius didn't touch her, as if sensing she didn't want skin contact yet, and he nodded for her to walk with him. She gladly fell in step with him. The aura that he emitted was so warm and calming, she was almost instantly addicted to it. His very presence made her want to melt and she had only met him a few minutes ago. She blamed the mate bond, she wasn't even sure of her own feelings towards him yet. 

"I'll give you a tour around the house while everyone is out, if that's okay?" He asked as they walked towards what she assumed was the Alpha's house. 

"Yeah." She answered. They were both uncomfortable and awkward, not knowing what to say, and she felt like she had made it worse when she stepped away from his touch. He was trying to respect her boundaries, she could tell from the occasional little glances, and her wolf wished he wouldn't. She was afraid of what might happen if she let him in. 

"Is it okay if I call you Val?" 

Her eyes flickered to his, "I don't mind." 

He laughed a little, awkwardly, "Sorry, its just, I heard Kota calling you that and I like to give people nicknames. Just wait until you meet Kiwi." 

"A fruit?" She raised her eyebrows as they entered the main foyer of the Alpha house. 

"No," Cassius chuckled, "She's a real girl. She comes to visit from Canada every year with the company of Reeve," His eyes were thoughtful as he paused in his step, "You know, I think you are the Second Alpha Female I've ever met. That's really impressive, mind if I ask how?" 

She glanced away, voice cold as she answered,  "I don't want to talk about it." 

"Okay, I understand," He immediately replied, "I'll wait until you are ready." 

She felt relieved that he wasn't prying. He only wanted to get to know her, they were mates after all, but she couldn't help but feel like she didn't want him knowing her. The real her. She didn't want him to see the dark inside. It was her defense mechanism, don't let anyone in and she wouldn't get hurt. 

She especially didn't want him to see her broken. 

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Shipname ideas?!

 I have no idea how long this book will be... but I'm definitely on the verge of making an interesting decision. Don't worry, nothing bad, in fact it's going to give more room for our beloved characters to grow. These characters, oh they need this and I'm going all out to give it to them. (no smut though)