Blood Burden

« Chapter Nineteen »

She wasn't aware of anything. 

Her entire world crumbled like a scrunched paper thrown into the trash. Her vision flickered between light and dark, a candle flame that would vanish if someone breathed too hard. She had no idea how much time had passed, she had no idea if the rogues were coming back to finish her as well, she just didn't care. She only cared about him and the world had viciously ripped him away from her. 

Suddenly, she became conscious to movement. 

Her bleary eyes were no use in determining her situation but she felt bands of steel holding her around her back and under her legs. At that moment, it seemed to be the only thing physically keeping her together. She didn't have the strength to fight and she was so tired. She only wanted to close her eyes and sleep forever. She wanted to escape.

She passed out again. 

She was familiar with this pattern. A thin line that separated the living world from the dead world. She had balanced on its tautness like a tightrope, ready to tip in any direction. When she couldn't take the abuse anymore, this is where she came. It was dark and quiet, a place deep in the conscience of her mind, and it almost let her leave permanently once. But, Fabian brought her back. 

At the thought of him, she became conscious again. 

This time, there was more pain present in her body. Aside from the soaring agony inside her soul, she felt her bodily wounds like fire singeing her skin, and someone was tending to them. Someone was saving her life. She hated the deja vu of it. She hated how it reminded her of Fabian. She couldn't even open her eyes, they were so heavy, but she could hear the murmur of white noise. In the background, voices were chattering, but she couldn't make out words. 

She was almost delirious. 

Maybe it had all been a really horrid nightmare. Maybe she had accidentally fallen asleep when she was supposed to be watching over her pack while they rested. Maybe she was stuck in sleep paralysis and somehow, she could wake up in a reality where everything was okay. Fabian would ask her how she was feeling and she regretted turning him down. She wanted to spill her agony on him, let him know how much she hurt, how much she couldn't understand. 

But he was gone. 

And this wasn't a nightmare. 

It was a reality that slammed into her face like a giant concrete block. Just as horrible as it sounds. It brought pain, suffering, and despair. There was no escaping it. Reality had a funny way of messing up any kind of fantasy. Any kind of dream. Any kind of hope. Like the grounds of a bloody battlefield, it brought chaos and inevitable death. 

When her eyes finally fluttered open, she didn't even try to move. 

She took in the wooden ceiling above her, blankly observing the ingrains that ran in one direction over the hard surface. It was like she had tunnel vision, she didn't move her eyes anywhere else and one spot on the ceiling fell victim to her blank stare for hours. Her mind still needed to recoil, to remember, and she wished it far away. She wanted to be swept back into the embrace of the darkness, where it was quiet and she felt no pain. 

Afternoon shadows stretched across the ceiling into her vision and that's when the tears started. Right along with the flashbacks behind her eyelids, she experienced the whole event all over again as her mind replayed it to make sure it was real. If her heart could shrivel up like a rotten plum and flake out of her chest, it would. 

Her tears traced permanent trails down her cheeks and soaked her neck, eventually falling onto the pillow beneath her head. She hadn't even acknowledged the fact that she was in a strange environment, a strange room, and she could be in danger. Everything seemed too surreal anymore. A slow-motion movie that left her speechless as she watched without a single ability to act. 

Suddenly, the door opened, and a woman walked in. 

Her eyes flickered down, narrowing with her wolf's instincts, but it quickly died when she saw the woman was pregnant. At least seven months along, she would say. She went to move her arms underneath her weight and sit up but she was stopped. 

"I wouldn't do that," The woman warned, "You'll tear all your stitches." 

She frowned but listened, uncomfortably remaining laid down while the woman approached her bedside on the right. She instantly looked down, not making eye contact, and the woman set the basin she was carrying on the bedside table. Wiping her hands on her pants, she felt the woman's eyes burn into her skin. Probably judging or feeling pitiful, she didn't want any of it. 

"How are you feeling?" 

She flinched away from the question. 

"Alright," The woman noticed, "Are you in any physical pain?" 

Slowly, she shook her head. 

"Good, those meds are pretty strong and they'll take a while to wear out of your system," The woman began wringing out a warm washcloth, "You've been out for four days. The injuries you sustained were pretty life-threatening but they said you put up one hell of a fight," A moment of silence, "I'm sorry about your fallen companion." 

She inhaled sharply, closing her eyes to try to keep the tears from making a fresh appearance. She startled, but didn't object, when the washcloth was gently pressed against her face, dabbing at tiny spots of dried blood she didn't even know was on her forehead and the irritated skin where the tears constantly streamed. She couldn't stop crying, it was an uncontrollable urge that leaked out the fragments of her broken soul. 

"I know it's hard but you gotta stay with me, okay?" The woman said, "Don't get lost in your head. We've taken your pack under our wing for the time being but they still need their Alpha." 

She shakily exhaled. This was wrong. It was all wrong. She wasn't an Alpha. She didn't want to lead, she didn't want to try anymore. She wanted to give up. All of it. She wanted to curl away in the farthest corner and mourn her loss. She wanted to scream at the moon for cursing her with such a burden to bear, of which only got heavier and heavier the more she tried to help. 

She just didn't see the point anymore. 

And she parted her lips to spew words at the woman but she found herself unable to speak. From the dry throat that had her coughing up a lung in seconds to the fear she would just become a sobbing mess, she just couldn't talk. She couldn't form words. 

After a cup of cool water, she settled back with exhaustion. She was too tired to fight. 

Fingers ghosted across her forehead, wiping away hair that had gotten stuck in the sweat across her brow, and she sighed again. A thought crossed her mind and she forced her eyes open just one more time. God, she wanted to sleep like the dead. It was probably the medication kicking in again, as the woman had said. 

"W-what's your name?" She managed to croak. 

The woman smiled, "Deikota. But most people just call me Kota. Welcome to the Harrow Pack, I hope you'll enjoy your recovery here." 

And then she left the conscious world once again. 

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Giggle. 

One step closer and you guys will be shook. I honestly cannot wait. 

Emotional turmoil coming in hot!