Blood Burden

« Chapter Twenty-Two »

She sat with her pack. 

Not because she was hungry but because there was something different. She noticed it when nobody could meet her eyes. It was as if her very presence was hurting them. They almost looked guilty, forlorn, and even regretful. She didn't put much thought into it, she couldn't. She couldn't even understand her own emotions, she didn't bother herself with anyone else. They couldn't feel her pain. 

Unconsciously, she was checking on them. She blamed the Alpha trait for bringing forth the feeling, the need to make sure her pack was okay. Even more so, her wolf kept pushing her. Like an annoying, nagging voice in the back of her mind, she was feeling the pull to fulfill her duties. She decided she didn't mind that much, it kept her out of her own head. It kept her busy.

At the same time, she was beginning to ignore the trauma. Like her mind was forming a defensive barrier, she wanted to think nothing more of what had happened. She wanted to forget it all, like it never happened, pretend that everything was okay and maybe then could she believe it. She figured she could do that, she had done it most of this journey. 

The other two children she had grown closer to came to give her hugs. She numbly returned the hugs that usually brought her joy and she said little. Her heart twinged when their innocent faces fell at her lack of usual behavior but she couldn't explain it to them. She felt like if she opened her mouth one more time, the feelings would pour out without a breath. She wanted control, especially over herself.

Eventually, the dining hall cleared of the members of Harrow Pack. Only her pack members remained and they didn't speak, so a deafening silence spread across the room. Deikota approached them with a tall male at her side. She instantly straightened from her slouched posture, she could feel the Alpha in this male, his presence screamed of it. 

She had to will her heart to be still. It wanted to tremble in fear, triggering her memories to resurface. This would be the first time she was face-to-face with another Alpha since Alpha Drake. She wanted to cower and hide away but she knew she couldn't. She was the Alpha of the tiny, broken pack of Winsor, and she would represent it. For Fabian, because she knew he would have wanted it, and even more so he would have stood proudly by her side. 

"This is my mate, Alpha Jasper," Deikota announced with a bright grin, "He's been waiting for you to be well enough, Valencia, I hope it's okay I brought him over." 

She stood, hiding her trembling fingers behind her pack, "Its an honor, Alpha, thank you for providing safety while I was injured." 

Alpha Jasper smiled warmly, "It was the least I could do, I'm glad you are feeling better. It was quite impressive how you managed to take down that group of rogues." 

"I wasn't alone." She said nothing more.

His eyes reflected understanding, "I'm very sorry for your loss. I wish my warriors had reached you sooner but they had trouble locating you until they heard your scream. We have noticed you don't have a scent, even now, and I'd like to ask why?" 

Sorry for your loss. She had heard those words one too many times. It wouldn't bring Fabain back. She didn't want to hear them, they were useless, empty words, and she especially didn't want pity. However, she chose to bite her tongue because she was in the grace of this Alpha, she couldn't risk triggering his anger. Who knows what he was capable of, the pain he could inflict.

She took a deep breath, "It was how I was born. I don't know why." 

"I see," Alpha Jasper said, "I was informed you were trying to reach Aloysius, is that still your intention? Of course, we are an Aloysius Alliance Pack but something tells me you have a plan." 

"I have to finished what we started." She said with resolution. Before I can finish myself, she thought. Her wolf whined in anguish at her thoughts but she ignored her. There was so much pain, a little more wouldn't hurt anything. She felt like the end was near. Her task was to finish what she and Fabian started and that was first and foremost. 

"I understand," He nodded, "We will be happy to assist you when you are fully recovered. I assume it will only be a matter of days. Is there anything else?" 

"No, Alpha, thank you." 

He smiled again, "If you'll excuse me, I have a meeting to attend, but it was nice to meet you." 

"Likewise." She couldn't think of anything else to say. When Alpha Jasper finally walked away, she exhaled roughly. She hadn't realized she had been holding her breath and her lungs ached for fresh air. A slight tremble ran through her body but she focused on staying strong, or rather the facade of it. 

"You don't like Alpha's much, do you?" Deikota stated observantly. 

She almost jumped, she forgot Deikota was there, "I just...don't have much experience." 

Deikota rolled her eyes, "Whatever you say." 

Something told her Deikota knew she was lying and knew exactly what the answer was, without her even saying it, and that made her uneasy. This pregnant woman was emotionally intelligent and she could obviously spot the signs in others. How, she didn't know, but she didn't like it. She wanted to hide away from everyone, only let them see what she wanted them to, and not see how vulnerable she really was. 

"Well come on," Deikota almost said in a sing-song voice, "I'll show you around the pack, everyone has been curious about you. Rumor spreads fast, you know, and they haven't seen an Alpha Female since Reeve last visited. I think you'll really like it here." 

She glanced over her shoulder at her pack, they seemed to want her gone so they could stop sulking. Except for Laura, who nodded encourgingly, so she decided to go along with Deikota. No matter how much she wanted to find a dark corner and stay there for the rest of the day, she forced herself to keep busy. 

She doubted she would ever find peace. 

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Dark thoughts, they are sneaky. 

One moment, you think you're fine, and the next you fall into this dark place. And sometimes, you never get back out. I'm not directly stating the stages of grief but I think you can piece it together, Val is definitely entering denial and the early stages of depression right now. Soon, she'll reach anger that she can't control. 

FOR THE HATERS: These emotions are based on what I went through so don't tell me they are fake. I know what I'm writing. Keep trying to hate, all I'm gonna do is block you, delete your comment, and carry on my merry way. Think you can do better? Write your own book and then you can come back and argue.