Icing on the Cake

The Only Exception~Paramore

Katniss

This morning I woke up to find Peeta is back in District 12...

Looking out my window I can see him planting a Primrose bush where my backyard meets Haymitch's. I don't know what to feel. I don't know how I feel about the bush... or Peeta. He is right there and I can't figure out what this means.

Is he back because he's better?

Does he want to see me?

Do I want him to see me... like this?

I still care about him very much. I don't think I've ever even told him. The closest I came to admitting I care, was to say that we take care of each other. There's just so much unspoken between us.

I hear a knock at the door. As I go down the stairs to answer it, all I can think is that I don't want his pity. I've been here for almost a month, while he's been in the Capitol. I didn't think he was ever coming back to 12. Hopefully, he doesn't think I'm ready to just put on a smile and have a welcome back party. It's a feat just to get out of bed every morning... or to feed myself. Doing normal things seem too tiring. I get to the door and take a deep breath and open it.

My goodness. I forgot how handsome Peeta is. I don't even know if he still thinks I'm a mutt. I can't think like that, so I push it away.

"Hey." Peeta murmurs.

He's standing there, a little sweaty from gardening and holding a container in his hands. He's wearing a black t-shirt, khaki pants and black sneakers. There's some white stuff on his shirt and pants at the thighs. I'd guess flour, maybe. His hair is cut shorter than last time I saw him. He probably got it cut before he left the Capitol, since there's still no barber here that I know of. People just started moving back and rebuilding.

Why is he not saying anything else, just standing there, looking at me like I have a third eye?

"What do you want?" I say not meaning to sound so irritated but feeling just that.

What he says next though, shocks me.

All I can say is, "Oh." I can't believe he asked me for forgiveness. He must still be a little off, from the hijacking. He said he's concerned about me, wants to talk. He's brought my favorite bread. It's all much more than I deserve.

Don't cry.

I can't look at him anymore, so I walk away. I feel too guilty to close the door on him though.

Peeta follows me into the house and closes the door. Without saying a word, he goes in the cupboards finds the teapot and tea, puts the water on to boil, and gets two cups out and sits down at the table. As if it's his home.

I can't sit down next to him, so I stand. I pick at the chair next to him. I suppose I should say thank you. He's not saying anything.

When we both start talking at the same time. I wish I hadn't said anything. But then he suggests I speak. So I thank him. He just looks sad.

Why does he have to look like that? I feel bad enough already. I don't know why he even wants to talk to me. I wouldn't if I were him.

"I haven't spoken to you since you... Coin... since what happened. I wanted to tell you I'm proud of you." He says seeming to have a hard time.

He's proud of me because I killed someone?

I feel a little dizzy. I can't believe how many people I've killed. I'm never going to be able to reap all that I've sown. I don't regret any of them as much as Pri-