Love And Rejection, Both At First Sight. - Taekook Love Story (2nd Version)

27 - Journal Entries 03.

May 23rd.

Jungkook's brother came to the house today. He saw that I don't have anything to eat except ramen and took me shopping. I don't care much about food Yoona. It wasn't much practical when I had to move from place to place. But Jin hyung made me realize how much I missed home cooked food. Damn those two brothers are very intuitive. And there no way I'll be able to scare and push back Jin hyung like I scared Jungkook. He seem to be caring about me. I wonder why. Specially with how I treated his precious brother. But I can't help. I like to so much. There wasn't anyone to worry about me for a long time. Not after you left me. I feel like I'm being woven in to these people's life Yoona. And Jungkook seems to be in the middle of it.

"Ah!! So that's what Jin hyung meant when he told me to not to give up on Taehyung yet." Jungkook said to himself. He read few more pages, already dreading as he remembered the next time he met Taehyung.

June 1st.

I hate myself. I hate myself for making that boy cry. I hate myself for making him suffer. I hate myself for not being able to accept or return his affection. I hate myself for being so damn afraid how he will be hurt in the future, that I can't seems to stop hurting him myself in the present. But mostly, I hate myself for not having the courage to stand up for what I love, twice.

Jungkook cried again. He clearly remembered how he said some very hurtful things to Taehyung that day. He felt angry with himself for not recognizing the pain in Taehyung's heart and how broken the man really was.

Jungkook read through Taehyung's pain and hurt poured on to the pages. He didn't had anyone to talk about the hardships so he seems to be talking to Yoona about them through his journal.

Jungkook already gathered that Yoona was Taehyung's girlfriend and that her death is somehow related to why Taehyung is running.

June 13th.

Hobi said that I have friends now. I would love that. Why are these people so willing except me, when I have given them no reason to?? How am I to stay away from Jungkook if the people closest to him pull me in to their lives?? How wonderful would it be to be part of a family like that Yoona? I've never really known what it meant to be a family. Can I dare to hope for that? Is it really ok Yoona? The last thing I want is for these people to get hurt because of me. I will never be able to forgive myself.

Jungkook read about how conflicted Taehyung was about Jungkook all through the days that they worked together to build Mr and Mrs Lee's house. How much he tried to hold himself back from giving in and how he felt his heart breaking to pieces in the process.

How relieved he was when Jungkook seems to have finally forgiven him for leaving him on the road, bleeding.

July 04th.

I think I made a huge mistake Yoona. By trying to prevent Jungkook from getting hurt in the future, it seemed that I have been hurting him a lot, in the present. He said he wished he was dead. Can you imagine that?? I made that beautiful and pure soul so sad, that he wishes he was dead. I can't do it anymore Yoona. I give up. I can't be the cause of his suffering anymore. Whatever happens, I'll make sure that he won't get hurt. I'll protect him with my life. Just as you did for me. I will give that boy whatever he wants. I just wish I'm not too late. He has all the right and reasons to push me away now but I'll take it all. I'll wait till he's ready to open his heart to me again. If he doesn't want me now, I'll make him fall in love with me again.

This is the day of the dinner given by Mr and Mrs Lee. Jungkook remembered very well what he said that day. He was so upset for so long and finally broke down. He told what was truly in his heart and Taehyung's response to that was heartbreaking. Jungkook again felt ashamed for not seeing any of that.

The last entry of the book was from the day Taehyung saved Jungkook from those bastards.

July 05th.

I finally did it Yoona. I told him how I really felt about him. Whatever happens, I will never regret that moment. The look of happiness in his face is all I want. I will do everything I can to keep that smile on his face for the rest of my life. I will make sure he will never shed another tear because of me. Guess I can keep the promise I gave to you after all. Thank you for being with me Yoona. I guess I'm finally ready to let you go. Even with all the crap that followed, I never regretted meeting you or falling in love with you. You showed me a new world. You will always be a treasured memory in my heart. But I will love Jungkook with all my heart now.

Even with all the tears that were falling from his eyes, Jungkook felt finally at peace. He chose to believe Taehyung's words about why the elder treated him like that but he has never really knew the emotions behind it.

One thing was very clear for Jungkook. This man has loved him so much, from the first moment he saw him.

In that moment, Jungkook made a promise to himself. That he will never let Taehyung feel lonely again. He'll always be there for Taehyung whenever the elder needs him.

Because just like Taehyung, Jungkook loved him with all his heart too.