Reggie's Sister

Bad thoughts

Hey, sorry if it's bad. I wrote like 9 parts in 1 day but I have to edit them before I publish them. They're mostly just a lot of jumbled up words tho.

As the days went by, everything started to blur together. I didn't feel like doing anything. I haven't even taken a shower or even eaten in the past 3 days. My mom would put things by the door but I didn't have the motivation to get out of his bed. I kept replaying everything in my head. From seeing the ambulance that my brother was in and seeing the familiar red flannel that now I'm for sure was my brothers. I need him to come back!!!! Will he come back???? Sometimes I still wait for my brother to come back and just walk through the door. To say that this was all a joke, but it's not.

He's actually gone and there is nothing I could do about it. How could he leave me??? He knows that even before he died, I was suffering from depression??? He knows about my attempt to suicide and he still left me. What am I supposed to do??? I want to be with him. I need to be with him. As I looked around, I decided to finally eat something because I knew he would have wanted me to keep going on with my life. He would have wanted me to eat and start to pick myself up again. So I went to the door and opened it. I haven't gone out of his room because he has a bathroom in his room. I remember when we first moved here, I was so mad because he got his own bathroom and I didn't (I thought it was so cool).

My muscles felt sore and I felt weak as I bent down to pick up the food my mom left for me. She was the nicer one out of my parents but they would always fight. So Reggie and I would hug each other tightly at night whenever that happened. He was always there for me at my darkest times. I remember the first time I tried to kill myself. I was in the bathroom with a blade. I started by cutting the skin on my arms and it hurt like hell. Blood was everywhere and I think I passed out because I lost so much blood. But when I did wake up, Reggie was there holding my hand in the hospital. He told me that he saved me and he wanted me to keep on living. He said I needed to keep on living because he needed me.

Before I sat down on the bed, I went to the bathroom and grabbed one of the many blades that Reggie took from me. He took them so I would stop cutting and every day, he would make sure that I didn't cut. Every time he found out I did, he would get so mad. However, it wasn't like he yelled at me. He just looked at me with that disappointed look and told me that he needed me. He always told me he needed me and love me. I sat down in the bathroom with the blade held to my arm. I lightly pushed it in and cut myself. I honestly couldn't feel the pain. It's like I was completely numb. So I did it over and over. With each cut, I felt myself getting weaker until everything went black

When I woke up, I was still on the bathroom floor but there was blood everywhere. I tried to get up but I felt so weak. I couldn't do this anymore. I needed Reggie but I know he would be disappointed in me. He would want me to be there for mom and dad. He would want me to be okay and move on but he doesn't know how much it hurts. He's in a better place, probably where he's not suffering as much as I am. I just want to be okay but how could I do that without him??? He's the one who always comforted me. He was the one who saved me and stopped me when I did something bad.

I hope he can hear me because I want him to know that I love him too. That for his sake, I am going to try and get better. So today, I was going to take a shower and get changed. Today I was going to start trying to feel better. When I finally gained the strength to get up, I grabbed a towel and one of his shirts because I really don't want to leave his room. It sort of makes me feel at peace. I mean, yes, it brings a lot of pain but it makes me feel closer to him.

As I got in the shower and felt the warm water fall on my back. I felt tears coming from my eyes as I saw all the blood going down the drain. I tried to remind myself that I needed to move on and that this is what he would have wanted. The warm water felt nice against my back and it felt good to be clean again. Once I finished my shower, I put on my clothes and sat down on his bed. As I looked around the room, I realized how messy it was. There was stuff all over the floor. I mean, what did I expect it's my brothers room and he's always messy.

As I walked around the room. I found a CD with the name Sunset Curve on it. I decided to play it while I cleaned up his room. They were great and it sucks that they never got to live out their biggest dream. It hurts to pick up and touch Reggies things but it needed to be done. I needed closure and he would have wanted me to. Once his room was cleaned, I decided to do the bathroom. As I looked at the cuts I made, I could see the look of disappointment on Reggie's face. He would have been so disappointed and I didn't want to let him down again. I needed to get my stuff together.

Thanks for reading!!!! I will make sure to publish soon and also please vote for my story if you want (It's the star thing). You really don't have to tho.

This chapter is 1087 words long