Reggie's Sister

Suicide

Warning- Contains self-harm and suicide (please don't read if that makes you uncomfortable)

Dear Rose,

I'm so sorry for leaving you on bad terms but I just wanted to say thank you. You're the best best friend I could ever ask for. You were like my sister that I always wanted but never got. There are so many memories of us together and I hope you can forgive me for the choice that I made. I really really love you and hope you can move on. I know it will be hard but just know I'm right here next to you. I will always be right here for you and support you. I'm sorry I have to do this to you. It's just that I'm walking on thin ice and with each thing that goes wrong in my life it hurts me. As much as I wanted to stay for you, I can't because I can't do it anymore. I don't want to do it anymore. I want to be in a place where there is no suffering or pain. I know you thought we were going to grow up together and make many more memories. I know this isn't the way you thought things were gonna go. I mean, your my best friend in the whole world. I remember the day that we met in 3rd grade. You had just moved here and didn't know anybody but I came up to you. Since that day, we were inseparable. You were always there for me when things got tough. But you shouldn't blame yourself for what happened to me because it's not your fault. You tried to help me but I pushed you away. I'm the one who did this to myself. It's my fault and no one else's. It's my fault that I couldn't take the pain that the world put upon me. Honestly, just remember I'm in a better place where all the weight on my shoulders was lifted, where I am free and careless like I was all those years ago. I wish I could have stayed but the reasons to live just keep slipping away. I hope I'm not missing out on the future. I hope I'm not missing out on any memories we could have shared. Because there was so much we could have done. We could have traveled the world and then settled down just like how we always planned to do. I mean, nothing is stopping you from doing that without me. I mean, I'm never really gone. Because I will always be there inside you or just watching you from up there. Who knows, maybe the universe will find a way to connect us again in the future. But I really hope it's a while until that happens because I don't want you to die young like me. I want you to do all the things that I wanted to do. I want you to enjoy your life and take advantage of the world around you. I know you always find the good in things, which is one thing I really love about you. I mean there's so much to love about you because your perfect and you would always put a smile on my face. With you, I felt safe and I never felt alone. Your everything I could ever ask for so please don't let this bring you down. Yes, there is a reason why you should be sad but don't let it take over your life. Do it for me!!! Please let go of me. I'm not saying forget about me because I know you won't but I'm saying don't let it impact your life. Don't let it change the way you act or what you want to do with your life. Like I said before I'm always here and I'm never going to leave your side. We were made to be together because you and I are the perfect two. I wish you knew how much I loved you and how much I tried to live for you. But if you really think about it, none of us are really promised tomorrow anyway...

Love your best friend V/N

PS: (Remember I'm always here and love you) Also tell your family that I said thank you!!! Because they were also there for me whenever I didn't want to go home. They also gave me hope and joy. I wish I could be there for you Rose. I love you to infinity and beyond...

When I picked myself up we drove home and immediately. I ran to my room. Making sure to lock the door, I grabbed a paper and a pen. Then started to write...

Dear mom and dad,

I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry. Sorry I can't get better and I'm sorry I have to leave you this way but I have to be with Reggie. I need him and he needs me. I love you guys so much and you can stop pretending to love each other. We remember all the fights and it's okay to leave each other. I'm also sorry that I'm bad at writing letters but I just want to say it's not your fault. You did everything you could do. It's just that Reggie dying took all the happiness I had left out of me. He was my everything. He was my comfort, happiness, voice, and music. It's just that every time I think of this world, I see chaos. I just want my brother and the world had to take it away from me. I wish I could have said goodbye. I wish he could just hold me and tell me, "he would never let me go," but he can't. He's not here and the world was already terrible before he died. He was the one stopping me from leaving. He was the one stopping me from hurting myself. I know he would not have wanted this but how could I go on??? So I must go and I'm sorry but I love you guys. There is nothing in this world that could change the way I love you. Thanks for letting me go.

Love V/N (I love you guys so so much)

Once I scribbled out the words. I headed toward Reggie's room. I grabbed the blades and the bottle of pills he tried to hide from me. I found them months ago but I didn't need to do it. He kept me from doing it and now that he's not here, there is no one stopping me. Will anyone notice??? I'm worthless??? Do they even care??? I know I'm not anybody's favorite and I know I let so many people down. I wish I was stronger than this but I'm not.

I'm hurting so bad and the world around me keeps falling apart. Maybe everyone would be better off without me. I don't want to be here, so I'm just gonna go. I have to do this. There is no one to run to for help and no one is willing to help. I went into his bathroom. I locked the door and grabbed the blade. Hesitant at first, I stuck the tip of it into my arm. I felt no pain, so I kept doing it over and over. Until both my arm and legs were covered with blood. I felt so weak and I imagined Reggie's look of disappointment. I'm so sorry Reggie, but the world did this to me.

The world took everything from me. As much as I want to live for you I can't. I don't want to feel pain or sadness. You're in a better place and I'm not. The only place I want to be right now is next to you. Where you would hold me close and tell me how much I mean to you. Where you would make sure I'm not cutting or doing anything suicidal. Where I'm happy and I am good enough, but I'm not good enough. I will never be good enough. I just wish I was good enough.

As I opened up the pill bottle and took a handful of them. Tears started to come out of my eyes. As I shoved the pills down my throat. I could feel my body become weaker and weaker. My body was in excruciating pain and it started to sort of vibrate. Until the pain just stopped and my cuts healed. They weren't gone but they weren't bleeding. It was like they healed themselves. Was I dreaming??? Did I die??? If I did, why I'm still here??? I feel no pain but I'm still here. As I got up and looked at the floor, I saw my body lying there. Lifeless, I had died but this can't be it. Can it???? There was supposed to be no more suffering but I can see my body!!!

I could see what I did to myself and I know the harm this will cause to everyone. Why couldn't I have been good enough??? I was good enough for Rose, my mom, my dad, and Reggie, but not for me. Now I can see what that caused me. It led me to this very moment, the moment where I finally realized that I was good enough but now it's too late. My body is just laying on the ground in front of me.

What are my parents going to do??? They're going to be devastated. Why did I do this??? I'm so selfish and stupid. I should have kept living and I could have kept living. Now that I'm looking at myself lying there, my world just takes another turn. I know this is going to hurt people and I don't want that. Why couldn't I have just died without consequences??? What will people think??? Will they say I'm weak and how will it affect them??? I feel like I could see the look of disappointment across Reggie's face. What did I do??? This is all my fault and now everyone's going to suffer. For what??? For me to keep on feeling pain. Yeah, because it did not get better and it's not getting better.

"V/N!!!!" I could hear my mom call from outside the bathroom door. "V/N, what wrong???? - please come out," I hear my mom yell through her tears. She knows somethings wrong and I just want to take it back. Please!! Please!!! PLEASE!!!! She can't see my dead body on the floor. She can't go through another loss and I can't see her like that. Why??? Who let me do this??? My poor mother and father. The pain I know they will feel is unbearable. Just because I couldn't take the world, now I must watch others suffer. I'm in hell because of what I did. For the things that I have caused.

As my mom yells on the other side of the door. I fall to my knees and cry. I cry and cry over my lifeless body in front of me. Until Boom !!!!! ...

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