I am starting to have an eating disorder I haven't ate in days and if I did eat.Its like a small snack.If I eat a big meal I hate my self I want to throw it up but I can't.Because even when I force myself nothing happens.Like when I don't eat I start to have anxiety attacks.Then I have to eat something but I only eat something small.I also have social anxiety I'm so scared to be around people.Its funny cause when I was like 4 to 7 I would love to be with people.But after that I couldn't be around people I can't talk to people with out being nervous.I was gonna go to a concert but I said scared and the concert was going to be in August.I can't take living like this I hate it so much I try to do everything I can to keep me from feeling how I do but I can't.I have my attacks I want to crawl in a hole and die or kill myself.I get judge I cut myself if I remember my past that haunts me I can't take it.I have to take medicine to make me feel sane because the doctors think I'm insane.I stopped going to the counseling and stopped the pills I have a few cuts that are fading.Now that I don't cut I'm getting cuts all the time but it's not the same feeling I get when I put the blade to my skin.I honestly don't know how long I can take till I want to end it.I want to see how my future is but if I still fill this way I can't do it and if I have kids and I'm still like how I am.I won't put up with it I need help not the kind of help of medicine.
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Im back
RandomDepression never really leaves you alone people make you think it's gone something happens and bam your depressed again they give you pills so you won't hear the voice so you won't starve so you won't cut they make you think it makes you feel better...
