Hopefulness

Hospital Thoughts

Drowning inside my head.

Drowning inside my doubt.

It's filling up inside,

Someone please let it out.

Feeling I'm lost for sure,

Dying without a cure.

I need to be reassured.

Please tell me this is a thing.

That this isn't unique.

Tell me I can take a pill and relearn how to think.

Wash it down with a drink it's like knowing when someone will die.

So you look in their eyes,

And you see suicide.

And you watch them have fun.

 Put a mask on for their friends,

But this hypothetical has a much worse end.

You can't do a thing you just watch them in pain.

Knowing this will affect your unstable brain.

You see them lose hope.

You see them face fear.

But they won't be able to take it in a couple years.

So you wonder if you'd do the same It drives you insane.

Like can I even handle this pain??

But what am I saying..

I don't know what to do anymore.

About to sleep I feel like a weirdo, an outcast, a creep

Like why did they die 

And who will die next

Is it me?? 

 I don't know so I have to guess.

Talking to my addictions like "Shut up I hate you"

They always talk back but I drown them out.

At least I try to.

They only want to hurt me right?

That's all they wanna do?

Is this even a fight,

Or am I just giving right into you?

 I always get better then I fall real hard.

Why can't somebody come and hit me with their car.

It's easier than having to be my own guard.

This ringing in my ears,

It isn't very clear.

Keeps telling me that I'm not loved,

"Then why am I still here?"

Now that's a good question.

Can we please use discretion When we speak of my depression,

Cause it ruins my connections.

People hate it when you vent,

But they rant when you cut yourself.

People hate it when you cry,

But they tear up and say it's good for mental health.

People are hypocrites, liars and cynics.

But they say that 'I' should be "put in a clinic"

Maybe you're right, and maybe I'm crazy

But I stay awake so don't dare call me lazy.

  I'm fine I'm keeping it up it's a lie.

But I will believe it in a few years time.

Pretending your happy is not such a crime.

Because you act depressed when you want things to rhyme.

So say I'm not so bad after all 

I kind of like it.

I'm digging the fall.

Who knows maybe this time I'll stay on the ground,

It's disturbingly cozy. 

 I'll be here year round

Cause like you never care if I don't make a sound

But it's getting quite lonely with no one around..