Lifeless

Chapter 21.

Marie was brushing my hair when the door opened. There stood Cain with a not so happy expression on his face. I sighed.

"Mom, can you leave us to talk please." He spoke without looking at her. His eyes were soley trained on me. I heard as Marie set the brush down on the night stand and got up. She paused beside Cain and whispered something in his ear. His eyes didn't stray from mine as he nodded towards her. She then walked out of the room lightly closing the door behind her.

He stayed rooted in his spot just staring at me. I knew why he was here. He wanted to know everything.

I sighed. "After he killed my parents, he started talking about you. I wasn't having that and started fighting the man behind me. I was trying to get him to let me go, but he wouldn't." I paused when I saw Cain start to make his way towards me. He sat on the bed and then turned his body to where he was fully facing me.

"He was telling me all of the things he would do to you if I talked. I remember yelling at him that I wouldn't say a word. He told me he had to make sure. That he was going to give me a preview. Before I knew it, the cop had pushed me down to where I was flat on my stomach and they ripped my shirt off. Then I felt as he sliced me from my neck to my butt. I tried not to scream, not wanting him to have the pleasure of hearing my pain, but I failed. They then flipped me over and started on my stomach. The one on my chest they did last. He said if I ever spoke then the way he would kill you was to cut out your heart, and that's when he sliced me there. I watched them leave, and then blacked out. I woke up a few hours later and cleaned and bandaged myself. Then I called the cops. Thats it, I promise." A single tear escaped my eye, and I watched a Cain cupped my cheek and wiped it away. I leaned into his hand, loving the feel of his skin on mine.

"Patrick Lane." He spit out.

"What?" I asked bewildered.

"Patrick Lane. That's the name Mason came up with. Does he fit the description of the guy that held you from behind?"

I thought for a moment and then nodded. "Yeah, he does."

He was a short guy that wasn't very stocky. His head was shaved and he had brown eyes. He had tried to date me for the longest time, but something about him screamed at me to stay away. I had never had anyone give me those type of feelings before, so it creeped me out. I couldn't even pretend that I even liked the guy as a friend.

"Mason said you turned him down quite a bit?" He worded it as a question.

"Yeah. Something was off about him. He freaked me out." He nodded to himself.

"Well, looks like someone is holding a grudge. Mason is going out there with us tomorrow morning. We are meeting him at 7. I just figured I would let you know." He told me while putting an arm around me.

"Okay." I whispered.

"I'll be back, Ryan is cooking dinner. I'll bring ours up here so we can eat together in peace. How does that sound?"

I looked up at him. He was smiling down on me and his eys were sparkling. I smiled, "Sounds good. Thank you."

He nodded to me and walked out of the room.

I laid back on the bed and for the first time in a long time I prayed. I prayed that the guys would be safe tomorrow. That no harm would come to any of them. I prayed for his family and lastly I prayed for me. I prayed that I would make it through this, that I could have the strength to overcome the battle that was raging inside of me. I felt like I was losing myself. The past two years had done so much damage to me, that I knew I couldn't take anymore. I was holding on to my sanity by a thin thread. I put on a mask around others, but when I was alone, that mask fell. I felt like I could never be myself again. I felt... lifeless. When Cain was around, it helped me. I knew I couldn't count on him to help me forever though. We were just friends. I couldn't use him as my life line. I needed to find a way to break past this barrier that was around my heart. I knew the sorrow would never leave me. I had lost my parents. My amazing, wonderful parents. The ones who had always been there for me every step of the way. The picture perfect family is what we were. Now they were gone, and I was alone. I was hoping once this was over, I could finally move on. I could lay them to rest for good. I could visit their graves and see their smiling faces, instead of their features contorted in pain and smeared with blood. I want to be able to think back on all the good memories without them being tarnished. I was still stuck in the past. Well, not really the past. I was stuck in one night. One night that replayed over and over in my head. A night that wouldn't let me think back on anything that was ever good. Great even. I needed to move on, or I would never be able to move forward. I needed closure.

The only thing that had kept me going this long were the memories I had that weren't tainted. The memories of Cain and our friends. When I felt like I was going to completely lose it, I would make me a bath, close my eyes and transpot myself somewhere else. I would be with all of them and we would be laughing and having fun. We were having food fights or movie nights. We would all snuggle together and just talk. I would go back to the past and relive everything.

I had also picked up reading. It helped a lot sometimes. It was another one of those things where I would put myself in the position of the characters. I would escape my life and live somene elses. I would take myself through their problems and adventures, their love.

But as soon as I opened my eyes or closed the book, I was right back where I started. Swallowed in a cloud of dispare known as my childhood home. The walls that no longer held laughter and love, but blood and screams. I had taken every picture down and put them away in the attic. I couldn't stand to look at them. The only picture that wasn't put up there was the most recent family portrait we had taken. I was 18 and it was right after graduation. My family and Cain's all went and had our pictures done together. We are huddled in a group with our arms around each other with huge smiles on our faces. I still couldn't look at it, but it was tucked in my pillow. Close to me every night.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear Cain enter the room until he was right above me. His face was one of worry and I hated that I was the one that put it there. I quickly put my mask up and smiled.

"Are you okay?" He asked sympathetically.

That was one thing I loved about him, him and his family. Not once did I see pity in their eyes. If I did, I honestly don't think I would be able to even look at them.

"I'm fine. What's for dinner? Smells good." I asked sitting up in the bed.

He studied me for a moment before he sighed reaching over to the night stand. He knew I was lying, but thankfully he let it go.

"Chicken and vegetables. Here you go." He handed me my food and fork before he grabbed his.

"Thanks," I smiled then shoveled food into my mouth. We had skipped lunch today. I really needed to start eating better.

We ate in silence until our food was completely gone. Cain took my plate from me and then laid out on the bed. I was quick to follow, resting my head on his chest. For most people, this would seem weird, but it was just how we were. We had always been close. Either I would lay down and he would cuddle me or the other way around. To me, it reminded me of magnets. We couldn't stay away from each other. Well, it was more like I couldn't stay away from him, but he never seemed to mind.

As soon as my eyes closed, I drifted to sleep. An image started to create in my mind and I smiled as soon as I saw where I was. It was the wildflower field that Cain had brought me to. I had always loved it there. It was so beautiful. I felt free. I never went without him though, I figured it wouldn't be the same. A breeze flew through the air and my hair whipped around my face. A whisper of three words flowed through the wind. "I love you." I smiled to myself happy that a dream could give me what reality never could.