Another Love | The Hobbit

XV. I'm Not Going

The wizard stood a foot away from the boat, Bilbo and Balin calling his name expectantly. He watched as Kili was pushed away by his uncle and Fili stand up for him. It wasn't right. Lucien didn't want to go but the looks from his friends were tearing at his heart. He already left them once, did he have it in him to do it again?

Kili peered over his shoulder and up at the wizard. He wanted him to stay and Lucien wanted to too. They didn't need him. When did he ever show he was of importance to the company? The wizard was merely a liability.

"Get in, Lucien," Thorin grumbled after Fili told him he was staying behind with his brother where he belonged. Lucien didn't move, however. He was torn. "Lucien," Those blue eyes pierced through him like razors. It hurt but what was a little pain? He had felt it all before.

"I'm not going." His voice was small but it was strong and that was all that mattered. The wizard wasn't scared of them, he was scared of the hurt, of the glares.

The dwarf and the rest eyed him with disbelief, "What do you mean?" 

Fili and Kili huddled together closeby, gazing upon Lucien with hopeful stares. They needed him, he knew as much. Kili was barely standing on his own, and Fili, Oin and Bofur were still there. He was needed somewhere that wasn't with the dwarf prince himself.

"I will stay here and you will go. Simple."

Thorin fumed, as did Dwalin, "No, not simple!" The warriors spat, "You are coming."

Lucien crossed his arms and held his head high, "I will not."

Now he was just being stubborn.

The dwarf prince exited the boat and stomped up to the wizard, one thought on his mind and he knew he would do anything to achieve his goal, it was just the way he was raised. "You are getting in that boat, Lucien," He whispered harshly and it told Lucien he was desperate. Why he really wanted him to go he didn't know, something else was making him like this.

"You cannot force him, Uncle," Fili spoke with a glare to the older one when he saw the fear flicker in his friend's eyes for a moment. No one else saw it but the wizard wanted it that way.

Thorin stepped back, eyeing everyone that was watching. He could not do this. "Fine." He grumbled and sat back into the boat with his company, "We will see you soon then."

The group on the ground nodded, "Of course, Thorin."

And with that, they were gone downriver, the crowd cheering as they went. They had no one idea of what was to come, how very unsimple everything was going to be.

"Kili?" Suddenly, the boy collapsed and Lucien was quick to grab him before he hit the ground. "He's sick," Fili spoke the obvious.

The small company rushed to the only house they knew and to the only person that could help them. And although he was reluctant about letting them in, he saw the way Kili lay limp in the wizard's arms and opened the door.

"Thank you," Lucien breathed, setting his friend on the table. He inspected the wound, seeing the redness and the puss, it was beyond infected but that was to be expected. Oin tended to his leg the best he could but time was short now.

The wizard ran his hands threw his long hair as he sat down at the table, nearby to Kili. He wanted to be close but he was feeling rather stressed about everything.

"You stayed." The statement was one of slight surprise and relief, though Lucien did not notice much.

"I did."'

"Why?"

Lucien raised his head, "I wanted to stay beside Kili and Fili. They are my friends and they need me now more than the company does." It was true. The company was strong enough to fight on their own and the ones left behind weren't, they were small in numbers and on weapons. Simple.

Bard sat beside him, "You have much kindness, Lucien the Green."

"Well, you are mistaken...again." The childish behaviour in the wizard made an appearance once again as he looked away.

Bard sighed, knowing what he had said was wrong, it wasn't his place in the slightest. "I'm sorry about that, Lucien, I am." The man apologized quietly, "I shouldn't have brought it up. It is not my right to know the nature of your relationship with Thorin Oakenshield."

"...We are not together." Lucien confessed after clearing his throat and biting his lip, "Thorin and I. I just want you to know that."

It reassured Bard to hear that. He had witnessed a woman trapped by the man she loved, trapped in the comfort she thought he gave her and the safeness and familiarity of his presence. The woman did as she was ordered because her father had once done the same, she thought it was normal, something every person or woman went through. Bard didn't know her personally but he knew enough to know she was very unhappy.

The man gave the younger appearing boy a small smile, "Ok."

"Lucien." A broken voice called, rough and croaky from the throat of an injured dwarf.

The wizard was out of his seat before anyone could blink and walked to the edge of the table, bending down to face Kili. "Hey, how are you feeling?" He whispered with a rushed tone.

The brunette let out something that sounded both like a chuckle and a cough, "I am fine, my friend. Just a little tired."

"You should rest."

"You should stop worrying and do the same...you look terrible." Even while dying Kili still had the time to tease the wizard.

Lucien laughed quietly, "Thank you. And here I was going to be nice say you looked great but that would be a lie, now wouldn't it?"

Kili grinned, his tired eyes creasing slightly as sweat dripped slowly from his hairline. His skin was pale and his hair was matted. Lucien had never seen his friend so dull and lifeless even if he had not known him so long. A few weeks at most.

"Yeah. It's probably best I didn't go then, huh?"

"Aye, definitely."