Ride Home To Me

Chapter 16

Mia was right about Christmas Eve with the Torettos. Leon and Vince and Jessie and Letty are all there too. My ma and I buy some tamales to bring and go over early so that we can help Tony cook and set up the table. I sit between my ma and Jessie, ruffling his hair and grinning when he passes me a plate. Tony says grace and we dig in.

After dinner there's lots of fun activities. Dom slips me a drink when my ma isn't looking and acts all innocent when she notices and starts nagging him. Tony even pulls out his guitar and a book of christmas songs and we laugh and sing our hearts out. As the evening winds down my ma goes with Tony into the kitchen so that the gang can set up in the living room to watch cheesy Hallmark christmas movies. I, however, step outside and lean on the front porch.

I can see illuminated houses and shining wreaths on the doors of every home on the street, and I know that there are families in them enjoying each other's company as well. Letty's house is really the only dark one with few decorations or lights. I have a feeling her papi either isn't home or is passed out in the living room. I jump when somebody hugs me from behind and rests their chin on my shoulder.

"You okay girl?" I recognize Letty's voice. I nod.

"Just thinking I guess."

"About what?"

I shrug. We stand in silence for a moment, but then I speak up.

"Can I ask you something? And you don't gotta answer if you don't want to."

"Yeah go ahead girl."

"Do you wish your dad were here? Like with us right now, celebrating?"

Letty pauses for a moment and looks down the street at her dimly lit house.

"I guess there's a part of me that does, but the thing is... he's not really much of my dad anymore. Mr. T pretty much raised me, the team is my family and they have been for as long as I can remember," she shrugs. "I just..." She pauses and looks inside, and smiles. "I got what I need right here."

I feel a pang in my chest and I nod, trying not to feel jealous. I wish I had a family the way these guys do. Yeah I'm part of the gang but I'm still new and I'm their friend. My ma and I are the neighbors that got roped into Mr. T's Sunday barbecues and holiday dinners because he's one of the kindest human beings on the planet. Letty claps my shoulder and heads back inside and I am left with my thoughts, standing alone on the porch once again.

•-•-•-•-•

The next few months of school are a blur. To my ma's dismay I decide to stick with community college here in LA, and Letty decides not to even go. "Who says I need it?" she says. "I got a good job at the garage and a roof over my head anyway." And by the time May rolls around I am in disbelief that we have only a month left of high school.

Maya and I continue seeing each other but it's hard, trying to be in a relationship that you can't really be relaxed about. We're both busy, too, so even outside of school it's hard to be with each other. I relay this to Letty and Mia one day while we sit together at lunch.

Letty takes a bite of her sandwich and thinks for a moment. "Well have you talked to Maya about it?" she asks.

"I guess so. Not explicitly but we've both made comments about it and when we do get to hang out I can tell it bothers her too. It's just draining, you know? Always looking over your shoulder, always being cautious. Damn, even if we're at my house she's only ever around early enough for my ma to still be home."

"I think you shouldn't keep it up if it becomes more of a chore than something you wanna do," Mia advises. "But if you like her enough you can make it work. Do you want it to work?"

I open my mouth to say yes but then hesitate. Mia raises an eyebrow at me. I sigh.

"I don't know."

"That still sounds like an answer to me girl," Letty says.

I cringe but try not to give anything away. The thing is, as much as I like Maya, I still know what else is getting in the way. My stupid brain just cannot ignore those endless pools of brown, the fiery attitude, the way I feel when she rests her head on my shoulder or wraps her arms around me. The more I try to get rid of it the harder it comes back to slap me in the face. I groan at the sight of Maya coming over to our table.

"Hey," I mutter, resisting the urge to reach out and take her hand and instead leaning over to grab my bag. We're going to see if the back of the school is empty so we can try and sit together for a bit. Letty pinches my arm and I slap her, knowing exactly what she's trying to tell me. I sigh and follow Maya, throwing Letty a look over my shoulder.

We make it to the back and to our delight there's no one around so we just sit and lean up against the wall.

"Hey so uh I wanted to tell you something," I start, clearing my throat.

"You're gonna break up with me right?" she says, smiling sadly. I cough, surprised but relieved that I don't have to break the news myself.

"Pretty much," I say, guilty. "I'm sorry Maya."

"Yeah I had a feeling," she says awkwardly.

"This is gonna sound so cliche but it really doesn't have anything to do with you, I promise," I reassure her. "It's just hard, you know? And I think right now..." I pause, thinking for a moment, "I can't really do this properly, and it wouldn't be fair to you to ask you to deal with that."

She nods. "Yeah that makes sense. Honestly? I'm bummed, but I'm not really upset. We're still cool though, yeah?"

I smile with relief and nod. "Yeah, we're cool."

She hugs me and we finish having lunch together, splitting to go our separate ways at the sound of the bell.