Taylor Swift / Kaylor - Begin Again

Chapter Nine

Taylor's POV

Ellie let out a shaky breath and pushed herself up into a seated position. She looked down at her hands and began fiddling around with her fingers.

"Luke was 4. I was 8. We would play together all the time. He was my only friend. We were in the streets playing and he saw the ice cream man across the road. He begged me to buy him one. So I ran inside to get some pennies. I told him to stay where he was so he was safe. But when I came back out, he was lying on the floor in the middle of the road, blood pooring from his nose and head. His eyes were still fixed on the ice cream van but his body turnt cold. He had been hit by a speeding car. I screamed for my parents and they came tunning out. By the time an abulance came... He was already dead. Mom broke down crying and screaming. They were shouting at me, blaming me, it was my fault. I was supposed to look after him and cross the road with him, but I left him to get some money. That's why I had never had ice cream, I was always scared. But from that day one, everything changed. Mom sunk into deep depression and would drink alcohol all day everyday. I don't really remember a time where she wasn't drinking. I would come home from school and could guarantee she would be passed out on the sofa. She had no motivation to do anything. I had to wash my clothes, make dinner, do the dishes, basically all the housework. I would go to school and be bullied because I couldn't afford the latest things, we couldn't barely afford food or stuff to do the laundry with because mom was spending most of the money on alocohol. So of course, dad blamed me for Luke's death and the reason mom sunk so low and all the money problems. He began beating me as a punishment. He would come in my room at night... And, you know, do... Things. He, h-he, you know, took...it from me. At such a young age. Mom knew what he was doing, but when she tried to stop him, he beat her to a pulp. He turnt in a monster. Not long after, he started taking drugs, it made him worse. He would send me to the places he got them from and make me pick up his drugs, except the people he got them from would do things to me. He told them to because I deserved it. A few months after dad started the drugs... Mom hung herself. I found her. It was devastating, but she was with Luke again and away from dad, she was safe and happier I guess. That then of course made dad worse. I went to school one day, the teachers notcided my frail body, the bruisings and the psychological signs. They asked me what had happened, I poured my heart out and told them. I begged them not to say anything but they did. Students would sit and call me "cry baby" and all sorts. They'd started bullying me even more because how isolated I had became. I had no friends anymore, they all left because of the state I was in and couldn't deal hanging around with someone who ruined their reputation. A few days after that the teachers reported dad, he was taken away and I was taken into care. I was only 11. Obviously, I still got tormented. But I also started self harming, it wasn't a widely known thing when I was 11, people would see my arms and thighs and call me a freak, they'd say I was just an experiment that went very wrong. All sorts. Natalie and Alice just added to everything the other day. I wanted to be with Luke again and tell him how sorry I am. Everything that's happened, is things I deserve because I got him killed. I don't deserve to live, it should've been me that died, not Luke."

Ellie's eyes were bloodshot and puffy from crying throughout telling me her story. I too, was crying. She's so young yet she's been through so much.

"Ellie, listen to me, I will protect your, I will give you everything you've never had, I will love you like my own, I'll help heal you, but you need to know, none of that was your fault, you didn't deserve any of that, at all. Believe me. It wasn't your fault Luke died, the person in the car should not have been speeding. Your mom was ill and scared, you didn't cause her death, it was the depression. And your dad, he too was ill but what he done to you can not be justified. Never can it be justified. I promise to protect you, to love you and to heak you."

"You won't leave?" She sniffled.

"I promise and cross my heart, I will never leave you."

I suddenly realized how much Ellie must trust me now due to the fact she shared her story with me.

Ellie'sPOV

I told her. I told Taylor my story. I prayed deep down that she was judging me. It was my fault my 4 year old brother died, I still live with the guilt every single day, and it haunts me. It will never go. I caused my mom's death. That was my fault too. It was my fault she spiraled so down hill. Everything was my fault and so I was punished for it. But I want to be healed. I don't want these thoughts. I don't want any of this. I just want to be happy. I want to be alive and not just survive, because I'm barely even able to do that. I know Taylor really does mean her promise and I'm so glad I now finally have someone to trust. I just hope she doesn't get annoyed with me and all the baggage I come with.

Even though I'm the one who put myself here, I just wanna get the hell out. I despise hospitals and obviously waking up in hospital wasn't the original plan. I don't even know who found me to be honest, no one really ever came into my room.

"Taylor?"

"Yeah?"

"Who found me?"

She looked sad, she looked as if she didn't want to say who found me.

"It wasn't you was it?" I asked. I wouldn't have wanted her to find me in that state, or anyone to find me in that state for that matter.

"No it wasn't me... it um, it was Bella."

My stomach dropped. I let an innocet 7 year old find me near death.What kind of person does that make me? I'm so horrible. Another huge tidal wave of guilt came crashing against me and caused me to break down crying. Everything was a mess and I've caused so much damage. Damage that can't be repaired. I needed to get out of here. I needed to get away from all of this, from the constant guilt, the fear, the voices, the anxiety, I just needed to be a different person, I can't keep living like this, something really needs to change. Hopefully living with Taylor, things will start to heal, feelings will start to fade and I'll be a better person.

"When can I get out of here?" I asked trying to stop myself from crying even more.

"I'm not sure yet sweetie, I doubt it'll be that much longer." Taylor shuffled closer to me and started stroking her fingers through my hair to comfort me.

"I'm really sorry for all the mess I've caused. For everything."

"Listen to me Ellie, you absolutley have nothing to be sorry for, okay? Nothing at all."

"Bella must've been so scared though."

"She thought you were playing around. Don't worry, we haven't told her what actually happened, we just said you were abit ill."

"I basically am ill though."

"Well, yes, but we can sort everything and get through it all. I wont leave your side okay? I'll help you through this and i'll be there every step of the way."