you// c.g.

22

i was empowered. confidence reigning over me, a new light radiating around me wherever i went. i didn't know what it was, maybe this is that feeling everyone talked about; being in love.

"what time is it?" i hear the groans of a stretching carl from the bed. i chuckled, turning back to him.

"7:45, we're gonna be late." i respond looking over to him. he just rolled his eyes.

"do we have to go?"

"yes," i plop down beside him, caressing his face. "alexia's already on my ass about skipping majority of last week, we have to."

"alright well i'm meeting you there." he rolls back over and i just roll my eyes. we had spent almost everyday of last week in bed, fooling around and smoking. just having fun while relaxing. it was absolutely amazing.

the day was calm. i no longer felt alone knowing i still had carl at home, although he wasn't here with me. the relationship seemed to take the edge off of my nerves. maybe i was finally happy? getting to a place where i felt comfortable? safe?

to daddy carl ;)

you coming in at all today?

it was lunch and i sat alone at the table carl and i usually took our seats at. isn't it odd i somehow always end up here alone though?

it wasn't really worrying that he hadn't come in today. i figured he probably fell back to sleep or just wanted to be lazy another day.

after the piercing ring of the bell, lunch was over. i filed out amongst many other kids that were either skipping or going to class for once. however, something caught my eye.

i look to my right to see a group of girls giggling and pointing over at me. i shot them a questioning, intimidating glare and they shut up all too quickly. it was funny to me, i laughed to myself until i realized who they were. it was dominique's clique.

the thought that her friends were talking shit about me made me gag; how desperate do you have to be to talk shit about me to your friends because carl doesn't want you? how sad.

school was a breeze. usually i'd be messed up from missing so many days but it was so easy to slip back into the routine and to get back into classes. it's not like this is the most prestigious school in the country so it's not that hard to get caught up.

leaving school i picked up my phone to call carl, but it just kept ringing and ringing until it went straight to voicemail. i didn't really mind, just wanted to know if he wanted to grab something to eat.

the house looked the same as we left it in the morning. it was quiet, assuming no one was home yet, but the gate was wide open. as i entered the front yard i closed the rusted gate behind me, venturing up the stairs and into the house.

there was loud music coming from upstairs, figuring carl was either making or listening to whatever shitty music it may be, i went upstairs to scare him. he'd fallen for it 4 different times by now, you'd think he'd be more prepared.

the thumping of the speakers' beats rumbled the floorboards upstairs, explicit lyrics pouring from the black boxes. a smirk fixated itself upon my face as i moved closer to the door, my hand resting on the cold knob.

opening it, any sense of confidence stripped itself from me. i felt my heart begin to crumble within my rib cage. so much pain, i feel as though i would start drowning in a minute. my ego got ahead of me.

the whole scene seemed to integrate itself into my mind, something i would always remember and would never forget.

this is why you don't date. this is why you don't fall in love. it's all a lie, you've known it as far as you can remember. love isn't real.

my eyes swell with tears. red faced, embarrassed, angry, hurt, guilty. you should've known. i could barely gather every emotion that was building up within me. i couldn't tell if i was going to punch this bitch in the face or start hysterical crying.

his eyes were so wide. so guilty. so... hurt? all i could see were his eyes as he came closer. they were red and full of tears. he approached me, his mouth moving but i couldn't hear a thing he said. there was no more music, no voice, just silence.

his hands barely graze my arms before i whack them away. i'm pushed against the door as he's just inches away from my face. how can someone look so pure, but be so, so bad?

those azure orbs look back and forth, searching for something in my own eyes. answers, forgiveness, anger.

everything i feel sizes down into one emotion; rage. i saw her smirk, that wicked smirk plastered onto her face as if she's more than happy to do this to me. my hands roll into fists and i punch carl straight in the nose.

when my hand collides with his face, all the red is gone. sound is back. the music is screeching in my ears, carl whining on the floor, a gasp coming from her.

"and you, you little cunt. if i ever see your face again, you sure as hell will be getting the fight of your life. i suggest you think about if it's worth it." her face goes pale, that disgusting little smile falling from her lips.

you should've known this was the way it would be. you could've seen this coming from miles away! you know him, you were never going to be enough. nobody ever would be for him.