Under the Sky of Diamonds | ✔︎ (PUBLISHED UNDER PSICOM)

THIRTY-NINE

I GRASP my chest. The pain is unbearable as seconds pass by. I'm dying. Unti-unti akong nauubos.

I scream. I cried. I held on to the thing that was near to me to keep myself intact.

Manang Soling took over the phone that I abandoned. I heard her whispering as she answered the call.

Kinakapos ako ng hangin. My eyes were filled with tears. I can't even see properly. I kept on crying my heart out. No one dared to touch me or approach me. They were just watching as I mourned.

Bakit kailangan pang mangyari nito? Why him? Of all people, bakit siya pa?

He was such a good man. A good husband. A very caring and loving one. Why do You need to take him away from me? Why did You take him away from me when I just realized I love him so much? Bakit? Bakit ngayon pa?

I didn't care if they would see me ugly. I don't care even though there are mucus on my face already. I don't care if my face was covered in liquid. I don't care about anything anymore.

In my mind, there is just one person I'm thinking of.

My husband is dead.

He . . . He left me. He left me behind. I didn't have the chance to kiss him goodbye. I didn't have the chance to apologize. I didn't have the opportunity to say that I love him. I haven't had the privilege to say back the words he was dying to hear.

Before his death, I chose someone else and now that he's dead, I'm choosing him. Tama nga ang kasabihan, malalaman at mararamdaman mo lang ang kahalagahan ng isang tao kapag nawala na sila. Ngayon, sising-sisi ako sa ginawa ko.

I wanted to apologize and say that I love him so much but maybe God decided that he had suffered enough and He let him feel comfort and love in His arms. The things that I haven't been able to give him when he was still with me.

Why? Why now? Why him? Bakit hindi na lang kriminal at mga masasamang tao ang kinuha Mo? Why do You need to choose him?! Why?! Why did You take him away from me?! Why now?! Why now?!

I sobbed and barely breathe. Soon, I gasp when a pain strike my stomach. I tried to stop crying. Huminga ako nang malalim at kinalma ang sarili. Akala ko mawawala pero mas lalong tumindi ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. My forehead scrunched and my mouth hangs open when another pain punches my belly.

"Ahh . . ." I whined in pain. I struggle to stand still as my knees wiggle.

"Manang Soling," I cried out in a low voice.

I looked at her but she's busy on the phone. My palm turned into a ball while clutching my stomach.

"Manang Soling!" I called for her, louder this time.

Tears started to fall once again. My head began to throb. My eyes and nose are sore. My heart feels very heavy and my stomach is in a great pain.

She turned around and looked at me. Her gaze dropped and her face was in complete horror.

"Diyos ko! Hija, bakit ka dinudugo?!" sigaw ni Manang habang malalaki ang mga matang nakatingin sa binti ko.

Agad na nagsalubong ang dalawa kong kilay.

What the hell is she saying?

With teary eyes, I looked down.

I gasped and my heart literally stopped beating when I saw blood on my pajamas. Unconsciously, I held my tummy tight.

"Manang, tulong po," nanghihina kong sambit.

She ran towards me completely throwing the telephone she was holding. She caught my head before it dropped on the floor.