It's Okay To Be Different

Burden or not?

Quote from bookofteenager on Instagram.

WARNING : This chapter contains something some of you might call abuse. It's not actually but you may not like it

.

Chapter 20: Burden or not?

Annika's POV

I lied to him when I said I drank 4 glasses. It was 3 so I was stable enough to speak.

"I'm afraid I'm not ready." My heart broke into pieces as I said these words. All this time, I thought of Ryan and wondered if I did a stupid thing by falling for him.

When he confessed, I was frightened. I was frightened he'll leave me after knowing me. Love was not something i haven't dreamed of. But I've only seen people going crazy in love. Everyone ended up getting broken.

I felt really safe in his arms. However, I didn't have the courage to hug back. I couldn't let him feel I was interested. The pain kept killing me slowly.

"Let me go now." His silence frightened me as well.

He let go slowly. There it was, on his face again, pain. Knowing I was the reason, I just wanted to jump off the cliff.

"I'm sorry." The least I could do was to genuinely apologize.

I'm sure someone might have filled in my place. Someone, better than me, might have been able to mend his heart better. I wasn't good enough for him. He deserved better. A lot better.

"Let's get you home." He said as he passed me. I quickly turned to stop him.

"You deserve better. Not because I don't want to be with you. You really deserve better." He turned to give his full attention. He stepped forward, his hands came to cup my cheeks. His thumbs smoothly wiped my tears.

"There's no better, Annika. You're the best one for me. I want you and only you." He kissed my forehead. Then he looked into my eyes.

"I'm going to wait for you. No matter how long it takes, I'll wait for you." His eyes were sincere and so were his words.

There's no happy ending. It's either not happy or it's not an ending.

Isn't that what happens?

"I will only hurt you. I hurt everyone." I said grabbing his hands. "I killed an innocent puppy once."

Those words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I wanted him to know the worse of me and still love me. However, I didn't deserve to live after that but I was too much of a coward to die.

"I know you didn't meant to."

"You don't even know what happened. I had the option to prevent it but I didn't. A tiny black puppy, Ryan. An innocent creature." As I spoke, my heart raced faster.

"It was barely a week old. It died after struggling for an hour. All because of me." I looked down. I felt worse and I was frightened he would leave me now. I was frightened his hands will let go of my cheeks. I was frightened to lose the warmth. I struggled to breathe.

His hands left my cheeks and I lost it for a second. But soon his hands wrapped around me.

"Let's sit." He guided towards a tree. It was cold and my dress was barely protecting me.

As each second passed, I was eager to know his view. But the fear was more.

"You wanna talk about it?" He was sitting beside me as I stared down. I observed some movements from the corner of my eyes.