appearance (namjoon)

4. jumbled feelings

Y/n pov. 

"anyways class, open your textbooks to page 153, can someone explain to your class what the first image represents in modern society?" my teacher asked. 

She better not pick me and just pick on the other kids that actually KNOW the answer. Afterall, I was the one that was dosing off in class without a care in the world.  

I straightened my back to a better posture. I stole a glance at nam-guy as he was focusing on the textbook trying to figure out the significance. 

"Y/n, would you be interested in answering number 2?" the teacher asked, sounding sickly sweet. 

 I shot my head from my table in a daze and a shocked expression appeared on my face. She was literally one foot away from me... did she teleport? I then frantically flipped through the pages in the textbook, but was left with no avail. My eyes lingered on the pages of the textbook once more before guiltily meeting my gaze with her. She reeked of disapproval and softly shook her head, shut her eyes and massaged her temple. I just looked down once again with different feelings surging in my brain. 

namjoon pov. 

"Y/n, would you be interested in answering number 2?" 

I glanced at the teacher as she strode from the front of the classroom to y/n's seat. I observed her as she frantically flipped through her textbook.  I lightly snorted at her, then realized what I just did and clamped my palm over my mouth in terror. The teacher whipped her head towards me and adjusted her spectacles. 

"Namjoon, did you have something you wanted to tell the class?" She elegantly challenged. 

"No" I gulped as she kept glaring at me. Then she turned on her heels and returned to the front of the class and continued the lesson again. I lightly tapped y/n's shoulder and showed her my thumbs up sign. She snickered then teasingly mocked me. 

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y/n pov. 

The lesson was boring me to the core and i almost managed to slip into dream world but i felt a hand grab my arm and shake me vigorously. The world didn't seem to be in place, everything was all foggy and shaken-up. The sweats I wore really triggered all of this. But afterall, If I wasn't this fat then I would comfortably wear other clothing without being judged. 

namjoon pov. 

I went to check on y/n when something was off. Little beads of sweat was collecting all over her forehead and neck. She seemed to be asleep, and yet her eyebrows where furrowing together and her breathing became heavier and strained. I hesitantly shook her awake. Her head lifted up groggily and rubbed her eyes. 

"psst. y/n, hey, are you alright? I can take you to the nurse's office" i whispered softly.

she seemed to be slipping back into slumber before suddenly whipping her head towards me. "hell no, leave me be" she curtly replied, glaring at me with a mask of abhorrence plastered on her face. I was taken aback from her sharpness. "please, y/n. you seriously need help" Distress wrapped around my spoken words. 

" thanks for offering me help but unfortunately i cannot accept it. Now please look away and pretend like I don't exist anymore. Just act like all the other people." she spat out

I flinched at the words that came out of her mouth. Quickly shutting my mouth, I averted my eyes back to my textbook. 

great namjoon, nice way to screw things up. 

y/n pov. 

 " thanks for offering me help but unfortunately i cannot accept it. Now please look away and pretend like I don't exist anymore. Just act like all the other people."I spit like fire with flames building in my eyes. innumerable past horrors flooded into my brain, tormenting me. 

Then, paralyzation struck. 

I turned my face away from him was I couldn't deal with this guilt any longer. Staring blankly at the wall to my left, questions preoccupied my brain. 

why would he of all people care about me? 

why is he doing this?

why is he making me feel this way?

why cant he just leave me alone like all the other people in my life that stabbed me in the back  and stop messing around with my feelings?

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but....

why am I so mean to him?